Domestic violence

[Feelinglost01]

I've recently separated from my husband due to domestic violence. On a number of occasions, he punched, slapped and kicked me in several different places including the head and stomach.
Since having left, he has spoken to counsellors and psychiatrists briefly but wants me to go back home to support him to continue seeking help.
Am I wrong to want to see a change first?
He is adamant that time apart is damaging to our marriage but i fear going back for it to only continue. We share a child and I'm terrified of the impact it is having on them and the potential of them also getting hit.
Am i wrong for wanting to have a while to myself and not wanting to see him during this period even if i can't define the length of time i need?
Any help or advice would be appreciated.

I have no doubt that some- very few- people can change their ways. But why take the risk?
Do not go back. You can't change what has already happened, but you can control your future.

I haven’t read the thread and I’m pretty certain this would already have been said several times but what a cheeky fucker. Telling you that living apart is damaging your marriage rather than his abuse of you being the cause.

Whatever help he’s sought it’s obviously not working if he views your actions to be the cause of the damage.

I would never go back.

Chiming in to day, please don't go back OP. My mum left my dad when I was 1, because of his abuse to her and my older siblings. He begged and pleaded, and got his friends to beg and plead, and said he would change, that he needed her to help him change. She eventually went back (I think really because he wore her down tbh, as abusers do). Anyway the day she went back he hit her again. He had no intention of changing. She stayed with him until I was 16, and it was never a happy home. He was angry, shouty, intimidating, jealous, controlling, everything shit you don't want in a partner or dad. I am fairly resilient but have made very shit relationship decisions due to not knowing any better. My siblings fared far worse than me. I recently found my mum's diaries of the physical abuse he dished out to her before I was born, and when I was tiny. It was awful to read. Incidentally, she was a well-educated women with a professional career. He left her a shadow of herself.

This is my long-winded way of saying, please don't go back.

@Jmee rather than add new post in order to get the support you deserve create a new thread. AIBU can be a bit brutal at times so I’d recommend as the previous poster suggested, starting a new thread in relationships.

No- just no. He will never change. Be strong and believe in yourself. You have to put yourself and your child first. This is a defining moment in yours and your child’s lives - make the right decision before it is too late x

wise words from all posters
if it hasn't already been said, OP, check out the Freedom Programme, if you can't find it locally you can do it on line. You will understand his behaviour better, including what he is doing now, and the danger to your child.

Good luck and well done for making it this far

Please God don’t go back, he could end up killing you.

ZOMBIE THREAD

You need never go back to him.

He batters you, then plays the victim when you put some distance between you and him what a tosser.

Just realise this is azombie (and caps 4 pages in never help with that) but @jmee what you're going through is not a normal, healthy relationship and you don't have to stick it out. You're with. A violent tosser and you can't fix him.

Yes I bet he does, don't go back, ever, men like this never change.

If you go back, he will escalate. By going back, you re giving him permission to do what he wants, after all, you have gone back, so you must not mind about his previous attacks! (In his mind)

Refuse contact for your child, he can go to court for access.

He does not need your help to become better, he needs to work on himself and nothing you do will help.

You’re damaging your marriage? Omg, the irony! The only one damaging your marriage-irreplably-is him, with his violence. He has broken it, it cannot be repaired. He will say anything to reel you back in. It’s what abusers do. Let’s not piss about here-he is your abuser. Please don’t go back.

Please please please NEVER go back.

Get strong OP, without him

He thinks time apart is damaging the marriage?
WTF did he think hitting and punching you was doing for it?

Narcissistic sad little twerp.
Don't even think about going back.

Keep the scum away from the child and yourself, if it kicks off, call the police. You need agencies involved so it cannot continue to abuse you and the child, scum of the earth should only be contacting you by email, about access to the poor kid burdened with it as a ‘father’, nothing else.

We share a child and I'm terrified of the impact it is having on them and the potential of them also getting hit

when you wobble perhaps re read this.

DC living in a house with DV is very very damaging. I appreciate how hard it is as my mother was beaten. It left me and my sisters with messed up ideas about men and underlying anxiety.