How do you sleep together?

[MeetMeInTheMiddle]

Seriously. How do couples sleep together and manage to get a good night's sleep?

I haven't spent the full night with my husband in over 2 years. Whenever we try it results in an argument. Either because one of us is taking up too much space, or one is breathing too loudly or snoring, disturbing the other. And then there's the fact we both often get up to go to the loo in the night which disturbs the other. So he will always leave to the spare room so we can actually sleep.

How do people manage it? We have a king size bed and we aren't big people. I never imagined spending my married life like this.

we often don't either. especially in this hot weather, too sticky- hes also a snorer, the overall combination is unbearable

seprate rooms dh does shift work so sometimes its better i dont disturb him

We cuddle before we try to sleep, then separate. DH twitches as he's falling asleep. He doesn't mind my white noise for my tinnitus but I've got headphones if he does (and for when he snores).

Double bed in the middle of the room, wool duvet to help with my hot flushes. My side is by the door as I need the loo more.

I know it's not unusual to sleep in separate rooms but I'd feel a bit sad if we did.

Can't you wee in the dark RingaRosie?
We only ever put lights on if someone is ill.

I can't sleep cuddled up to anyone. I need my own personal space.

Separate houses. It's the only way.

Super king size. Firm mattress with egg box foam on top. Rainforest sounds via Alexa on loop. I still frequently want to kill him. He is incapable of being quiet in any way shape or form. He snores but if I make any slight noise he hurumphs like a fucking elephant.

Easy, he falls asleep when he’s still awake and I don’t drop off for hours. He doesn’t wake up either so I can go for nocturnal pees/snacks to my hearts content.

We have a normal double. We're not tiny people but not enormous.
We get in, he spoons me, we switch, he falls asleep in about 3 seconds, I roll over and go to sleep.

We have a fan on at the minute because it's roasting, and I like the white noise.

He snores, I kick him, he stops (generally).

I'd be gutted if I slept separately from him and I think it would affect how touchy feely we are.

My parents - separate rooms. My DF was a BAD snorer.

If they came to mine and had to share - 2 double duvets.

Us currently - DH could sleep through an earthquake but I've moved out as I have tennis elbow and need to prop my arms up to sleep so need masses of room. Am looking forward to moving back in but at the moment I'm even irritating myself, let alone a partner.

He doesn’t wake up either so I can go for nocturnal pees/snacks to my hearts content.

Also this, he would only wake up properly if a small mariachi band came in.

Do you have kids? I can sleep through anything since pregnancy/babies/breastfeeding.

We have the biggest size bed we could get. Superking I think. And the biggest duvet. DH often uses just a duvet cover separate from my duvet. In winter sometimes I add an extra blanket over the top on my side.

DH wears earplugs. I couldn't stand the feel of them.

So glad to see this thank you OP! Something we have been struggling with. Love DH very much...but we have shared a bed on only a few occasions since my third trimester of pregnancy with our first DC. Five - yes, five - years later, and two non sleeping DC have meant we are firmly in the habit of separate bedrooms. We were taking it in turn to sleep in DS's room but both DC now sleep through, more or less. So DH is keen we share a bed again. But I am and have always been a very anxious sleeper (made worse since having DC), need the loo a lot and just can't settle. Our marriage is good otherwise and we are lucky to have the space for separate rooms...but I feel guilty and like we need to sort this. But sleep comes first in our house! Glad it's not just me...

Me and my ex had to have separate duvets!

I am single and having my king size bed to myself is just bliss. I never enjoyed bed sharing in relationships.

We've not slept in same room for about 5 years when we discovered the cause of so much tension and arguments was really due to a lack of sleep for both of us. We get along great, very loving and physical still. We're completely opposite. I'm 5ft he's 6'1 . So when we sleep he hogs a lot of duvet space and the bed is very uneven due to difference in weight. I like blackout, silence, warmth. He likes Windows open, curtains open, cool air and radio on to sleep to!

Honestly it's saved us really

We both like being close

He practically passes out at night. Doesn't snore, doesn't move. One of the reasons I fell for him

Super king bed
Seperate double duvets

Well I get in and take most of the bed and my obliging hubby moves right over to the edge lol.

We have a queen, our youngest is still in the cot beside our bed, once we clear our spare room properly and move his cot (he has just turned 3 so it's about time lol) we plan to get a king bed.

We have a King sized bed, both like the same temperature room, don't touch each other except for his hand on my shoulder after a quick cuddle and neither of us snore 🤷‍♀️

He's a light sleeper but I'm v deep and quiet so we rarely disturb each other.

We struggle to sleep without each other.

And yes, agree with others, we both have a fan so we don't overheat and it provides white noise to mask any movements

What's the point in feeling guilty?

The only objective of nighttime is for everyone to get enough quality sleep surely? Not being compatible sleeping partners doesn't mean there is something wrong with your relationship. I have known many people who are grumpy, tired and unable to concentrate simply through lack of sleep. Relationships suffer from people being sleep deprived, and, if that's because of your partner, the resentment will cause problems eventually. Decent sleep is one of life's greatest pleasures and affects the whole of our waking lives.

We've been together for almost 40yrs, married for 33 of them. We have slept apart for more than half of that time. Despite that we are still very happy, intimate, have a great sex life. We just happen to also be very well rested.

Went through the same OP - having a double bed in the spare room, it just became habit for me to get up and escape the snoring, night shouts (talks v. loudly in his sleep sometimes!) and duvet battles. We finally plunged for a superking bed with a non-movement transferable mattress and I absolutely demanded separate duvets! I'm always colder or hotter than him anyway.
Been sleeping in same bed every night since we had it last year - I do tend to fall asleep before him too which helps the snoring problem - also, the mattress has helped with his snoring.

My theory is that happiness hangs on good sleep and absolute comfort in the bedroom. A peaceful room with no screens of any kind (TV, phone, computer). We prefer unheated bedroom and unless there's a howling gale we sleep with a window open all night. The curtains have blackout linings.
Kingsize bed. It has a supportive mattress, tested by lying on it in shop beside a member of staff closest to my husbands size/weight. High quality pillows, and blissully comfortable bedding that's all adjusted by season.

I will never sleep in the same bed with a partner again. My sleep and my space are too important to me.