To think that people who don't do very much have almost got their lives back

[Ghostlyglow]

Certainly not judging those people, nothing wrong with a quiet life if that's what you enjoy.
Those of us who quite like to keep work life separate from home life and like to spend their leisure time attending gigs, going to the pub, travelling etc. have no light at the end of the tunnel yet.

Yes, I think you are right OP. I live on my own, don't go to pubs, gigs or any such thing. I like my own company, have lots of projects from decorating, reading, country walks (the lanes down here are absolutely deserted and on my doorstep so no need to drive anywhere)….it isn't that much different.

My work is part-time and only a few hours, and I'm currently furloughed anyway. Nice that we can now see someone outdoors if we keep our distance, I have missed catching up with friends in person rather than by telephone. That apart, very much the same.....

I think the lockdown has highlighted that like in most situations things go differently for all people. Some will be faring better than others. For some people things before lockdown were better off, for others things are better now. Realising what makes us happy or miserable and what we miss is actually a positive, as we can focus on pursuing this when possible. For example, I live in an area with a lot of antisocial behaviour and have greatly enjoyed not having youth loitering around my property. And as a disabled person lockdown has been fairly easy, as I don't go out a lot anyways. But I appreciate others may feel differently. In other words, each person will have had different experiences and I now know I need to consider moving once things resume to normality to a less antisocial area.

I think your title risks being goady, but I know what you mean.

My perspective is that I think people who didn't rely heavily on shopping or socialising have almost got their lives back (or never felt they lost them!)

For me:

• no local family (parents dead) so am not missing anything there
• was studying online part time for a degree (no change there)
• book groups/ exercise classes have gone online, so still enjoying that aspect of my life
• have always been running (no change there) but missed running with group of friends
• enjoy my garden
• was never a big pub or gig fan, so my main losses have been meals out in restaurants and dinner parties with friends, theatre and cinema (some of which has of course been available online).

Meanwhile, some of my friends who really spent very little time at home were simply beside themselves with woe because they can't get hair/nails/beauty treatments done and clothes shops/ pubs, clubs, wine bars are closed.
However at least one of them has confessed to me that she realises how shallow and 'consumer-led' her life had become and how she's actually appreciated the 'down-time' and the things she has started doing again (cooking/ reading/ dressmaking).

@Winnipegdreamer I like going to art galleries and really miss that. Does that make me an insta-wanker? I like seeing my closest friends who all live in different places - we meet in a london restaurant - does that make me an insta wanker? I love listening to live music - does that make me an insta wanker?

And yes to the PP, I don't have a partner. It's actually pretty miserable staying inside on your own, however much you are appreciating your beautiful garden, or reading amazing books or #livingyourbestlife

We're all different - I'm an extrovert who lives alone. This very tough for me!

MIL has a really super quiet life. Almost every day is exactly the same (dog walk, cooking, cleaning). Daily swimming in sea in summer. Weeks punctuated by a bit of shopping, medical & hair appointments & one holiday a year... plus seeing her sons a few times a year. Long retired. Maybe 2 lunches in the pub each year (on her birthday or while travelling). No other scheduled socialising.

Much of her regular life is still highly disrupted right now and not clear when it won't be out of kilter. So I'm fairly yabu actually.

We are watching and performing in online gigs, so only missing the bigger bands.
The only thing I'm missing is not being able to travel, i miss the road and pulling over in new places.
Part of my work has always been at home either bricks n mortar home, or when on the road, and usually office based.
We work for ourselves though so have a good work/life balance. I think we'll be the last back to work, so when the travel restrictions are lifted, we'll be off, bit of a holiday until our work comes back.

Op, as a single mum with little backup, I don’t socialise much. The things I do are therefore important as a result and they are

• family parties (can’t)
• occasional trip to the pub (nope)
• social side of work (furloughed)
• park run (prohibited)

So no, I haven’t got my life back. It’s lonely & worrying

Most the single parents I know seem to have very vibrant busy social lives. I don't know what that means, just the ones I know or some other explanation. They go out many more times each week than I ever do as a married person. It helps that the kids are literally off with another parent... but then even the widower had Qs of nice other parents willing to give him nights off so he had a very active social life too.

Well I’d say bereavement hasn’t exactly given me my life back. But obviously not being able to go to gigs is soooooooooooooo much harder.

Surely it isn't all or nothing for most people? Whilst my life pre child was parties, gigs and festivals and I did have a V quiet few years as bf till he was 4 I have now got (or had) a nice balance which included socialising monthly or so and that would be gigs, festivals etc and then meet friends or family for meals in between. But I also work, have a child and a house and exercise and hobbies, so the rest of the time it is a "quiet life". I doubt there are many people who are out most nights (and not many who could afford to be - financially or physically!), and there are not many who don't live such a quiet life that we have now reached their new normal.

So yabu, far too generalised.

Ok so I worded the original post badly.
I never said any one was boring and I did say I was referring to stuff people chose to do with their lives.
Of course I realise some people have had really awful stuff happen to them (maybe I have too)but that wasn't what I was talking about 🤷‍♀️

You're right. I have an over-protective dh who doesn't want to do much himself, so can't see any reason why I might like to have a more active social life. Also, we have no money atm, so no pubbing, gigging, theatre, etc for us anyway.

Lockdown made almost no difference to my life, so its easing hasn't either.

I am sorry for normal people who do want to socialise more, go to plays/cinema/gigs etc. You much feel like a tiger shut in a bad zoo. (I felt like that when ms first raised its ugly head and forced me to become a stay at home, much enable by dh's desire to protect me from everything).

There are lots of reasons for finding lockdown hard - financial pressure, job insecurity, genuine isolation due to living alone and having nobody willing to/ local enough to have socially distanced outdoor walks with to chat/ overcrowded accommodation/ 24/7 caring responsibility/ loss of professional health/ mental health/ social care support.

That's not what the OP and his or her supporters are saying though - they're saying it's all very well for boring fuckers, but I'm interesting and can't be expected to entertain myself, my life is a long dark tunnel without light if I am not entertained by external things I pay for! Poor me, how horrid to be expected to entertain myself!

It's all a bit Caligulan.

Ghostlyglow you said people who don't do very much.

What does that mean exactly?

My days are very busy. Mostly with activities I do alone.

Do activities only count if we do them in large groups?

You're right OP. On some ways my life is better.

I'm gutted that we've had to cancel our holidays away but I like lockdown.

I like working from home, wearing what I like and not feeling like I should put makeup on.

We always go places early /late /off season because I don't really like other people (other than friends obviously). Even seeing them once a fortnight via Facetime is fine for me. I like not having to go out and be together for hours. An hour with a G&T is perfect.

I like the quiet streets and lack of traffic when we walk DDog.

I don't mind queuing for the supermarket and a takeaway from our local restaurant is a good alternative to eating out.

I do feel sad for my DC though. One has missed a term at Uni and who knows what will happen in September. The other is in Y12 and may/may not have mocks in a few weeks. She's been doing all set work and sticking to her timetable but it's hard to get motivated for exams.

We lead relatively quiet lives but we still can’t:

See all our family at once
Go out for dinner
Go to the theatre or cinema
Visit a gallery or museum
Go on holiday
Get our hair cut
Go for a drink
Visit a NT property without an appointment

It doesn’t feel anything like getting our lives back.

I don't consider myself to have a massively busy life. I am missing going on day trips with my daughter and dog and I'm really missing popping to a pub beer garden, that's about it for me. But this whole thing has made me realise that I'm not making the most of things and that I want to get out a lot more when I can.

My elderly recently widowed neighbour rarely goes out other than for a walk to the shop to buy milk, a paper and a few essentials. They don't have relatives that visit, they don't go on holidays, or out in the evenings, and they no longer drive.

Oh, it's easy for them and practically normal you might say. Except that the only two things that they do do, (senior citizens coffee morning and a visit to the library) have been impossible for a while now.

So what little enjoyment they had in life has been taken away from them.

Not quite so cushy now, eh?

Not doing the things that you list doesn't equate to not doing much, so YABU on that point. The things that I do are quieter and less dependant on crowds as both DH and I are introverts. We're still doing lots and we're busy, but there is a lot that we can't do.

Yesterday, we dug out and built new raised beds, removed a bush and replanted a new one, went to the farmers market and went to the tip. Today we'll take out the kayaks, have a picnic lunch and then plant stuff in the new veg beds. Really busy "not doing very much".

But.... we can't go on holiday to do longer kayak trips, our wedding anniversary trip to Canada is cancelled, so is our trip back to the UK to see my family. We can't have family gatherings to celebrate life events and we never got to do our house warming. We volunteer doing scientific research in caves and that's all on hold right now too.

I'm the opposite of you... So yeah... My life really hasn't changed too much. I used to take the kids out to do museums or parks and such and we miss that... But other than that and issues grocery shopping... Life is good. No pressure to be social. No guilt in just saying home. It's perfect for me

I may not have gone to pubs or clubs much but at least I used to have the choice to do so if I wanted to.

I’m one of those sad bastards.

This hasn’t changed my life one bit.

I like both types of life, quiet and crazy busy. It's a matter of adjusting my mindset.

I'm a skint homebird, so I think I'm finding it a lot easier than more social people, my life hasn't changed too much. Missing family get togethers and days out though, I'm an introvert not agoraphobic!