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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I've sent you the money for your birthday present"

147 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2020 00:40

If someone very close to you knew you wanted something specific for your birthday and then said "I have sent you the money for X so you can order it for your birthday" how would you feel?

Its on Amazon, they have Prime.

YABU - Dont be such an ungrateful bitch, you're getting what you wanted for your birthday!

YANBU - Would it have killed them to order it themselves, its thoughtless and shows a lack of care and effort.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 31/05/2020 00:42

Maybe somewhere between the two options. Might they be nervous about getting it wrong?

Clevererthanyou · 31/05/2020 00:42

To play devils advocate op, is the gifter having a tough time getting themselves organised recently? Maybe they were inundated with work/life admin and forgot until the 11th hour?

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2020 00:46

They knew exactly what it was as they asked me to send them the link (I was fine with that).

They have been not got a work/life issue. However there is very much an issue of procrastination/laziness. Saying at 10 am on a Monday morning, when they have literally nothing else to do..... "I need to call HMRC (say), I'll do it tomorrow"

OP posts:
Euclid · 31/05/2020 00:49

Pick your battles.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2020 00:53

Its not a battle, but there is a history of thoughtlessness whilst doing the right thing iykwim. So it grates.

They gave me one, worthless (on paper) plastic bit of tat for my birthday one year and it meant the world to me. It was a reference to something that I love and they had seen and bought. It would mean nothing to anyone else, would probably end up in the bin, but I treasure it. Everything since has been minimal effort.

OP posts:
Destroyedpeople · 31/05/2020 00:55

Pfffff. ..just order it ...they were kind enough to send you the money. ..

Sparklfairy · 31/05/2020 00:57

Part of the fun of being given a gift is... Being actually given the gift Hmm it sounds like you've put it down to laziness, it's as quick to order on prime as it is to do a bank transfer Hmm

SimplySteveRedux · 31/05/2020 00:57

Yeah, between the two for me. They care enough to ensure you have the item, but it would've taken them the same amount of time to just order it themselves.

Destroyedpeople · 31/05/2020 00:58

Is it your mum or dad? Either way they cant help it really....I mean they probably won't change now and they were kind to send money.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2020 01:06

it's as quick to order on prime as it is to do a bank transfer

This is my opinion.

Not my parents, they have ordered me a gift and got it sent here!

OP posts:
RoseGoldCloud · 31/05/2020 01:10

There is a pandemic on at the moment and some people have a lot on their minds and are struggling. I’d let them off this year for sure.

It sounds like you either don’t like them very much or you think they don’t like you very much. This is more the issue than the actual present

SnoozyLou · 31/05/2020 01:12

If the sender was your partner, yes, I would be annoyed. Anyone else, I wouldn’t.

Crispsnatcher · 31/05/2020 01:22

I think it depends who the sender is. A friend, I wouldnt be bothered. A partner, then yes I would.

TehBewilderness · 31/05/2020 01:26

YABU

cornish009 · 31/05/2020 01:30

I would be delighted and thank them very much. I think it is so kind of them to send you the money so you can get exactly what you want. Are you aware what is actually going on in the world? I'm afraid your birthday, anyone's birthday, is not the most important thing right now. And so even being remembered right now is lovely.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2020 01:33

It's my boyfriend. We dont live together.

OP posts:
peachesandclean · 31/05/2020 01:33

It'll take you less than a minute, you know you're getting the thing you want, you know the address details will be right, I really don't see the problem? This seems extremely ungrateful

"plastic bit of tat" that "meant the world to you" you're contradicting yourself a bit there

Just say thank you and move on with your life

ineedaholidaynow · 31/05/2020 01:34

Things are taking longer to be delivered at the moment so maybe they thought better to send you the money to ensure you got it on time.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2020 01:34

And FWIW, I told my parents to not put themselves to the trouble but they insisted. He orders off amazon a lot, I dont see why ordering something for me and sending it to mine is such a hardship, it what I was planning to do for his birthday if lockdown was still on.

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2020 01:36

"plastic bit of tat" that "meant the world to you" you're contradicting yourself a bit there

I used that phrase because that is how anyone else would describe it. Its like how you might treasure the kids vending machine plastic ring your husband proposed with say, when to anyone else it would go in the bin.

OP posts:
managedmis · 31/05/2020 01:36

It'll take you less than a minute

^
It would have taken him less than a minute too?

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2020 01:36

Things are taking longer to be delivered at the moment so maybe they thought better to send you the money to ensure you got it on time.

Not when we would both be ordering from Amazon!

OP posts:
SimplySteveRedux · 31/05/2020 01:38

It's my boyfriend. We dont live together.

Yeah I wouldn't be amused they hadn't ordered it themselves.

ineedaholidaynow · 31/05/2020 01:45

@PyongyangKipperbang I meant the money not the actual item, so he wanted to make sure you actually had something on your birthday.

SandyY2K · 31/05/2020 01:46

Then thing is, this is who they are. You can't change him, so if this history of laziness and thoughtlessness is an issue for you, then find a way to tell him and explain your reasoning OR end the relationship....because he won't get better and if you have any plans of a future with him, it's a very important factor.

This is clear not a one off pattern of behaviour.

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