"I've sent you the money for your birthday present"

[PyongyangKipperbang]

If someone very close to you knew you wanted something specific for your birthday and then said "I have sent you the money for X so you can order it for your birthday" how would you feel?

Its on Amazon, they have Prime.

YABU - Dont be such an ungrateful bitch, you're getting what you wanted for your birthday!

YANBU - Would it have killed them to order it themselves, its thoughtless and shows a lack of care and effort.

None of my family remembered my birthday, they haven’t for years. I’m used to it now. Some of them sent cards for my DCs birthdays, but most forgot those too (including my dad who just happened to phone on DC birthday and picked a fight with me, which soured the day).
Someone you know, who isn’t even one of your parents, cares enough about you to not only remember your birthday, but to want you to have a present from them. You’re moaning about the method of delivery. YABVU. Be grateful for what you have.

you should be grateful, not complaining.

Grateful? Really, for little scraps of affection and effort. Whoever said that get some bloody standards - you are worth something.

OP happy birthday and yikes about the intruder, sounds really scary.

Hmm I have a similar situation. Every year without fail I am asked constantly from the middle of October what I'd like for Christmas and my birthday (few days before Christmas Day). I'm asked for links and specifics of items.

Then, every year without fail on the actual birthday or Christmas, I receive the money for the items in an envelope. Predictably, with life and kids and general Christmas madness and with it being in cash it gets frittered away and the items don't get ordered. Curiously, the amount I'm given never includes the cost to get the item posted..

It seems ungrateful, I'm not. I'm just mildly irked every year that I'm asked for very specific things (saying "Oooh I'm not sure this year, I'll leave it up to you"-and then just receiving cash does not suffice it appears) and then it all gets ignored anyway. Irksome.

However in your case, it's your boyfriend and he's being bastard lazy, he has Prime, just order the fucking thing, get it gift wrapped and sent to you. How hard is it?!

Very close = lazy
Not close = acceptable

I'd feel pleased I was going to be able to get the item I wanted.

Can't be doing with these "people aren't making sufficient effort for my birthday" complaints. That's probably because I don't care much about my own, but it always sounds like toddler whining to me, like when they have the drink they have asked for but go into a right sulk because it's in the wrong colour cup.

I would be thankful for anything I recieved, you can still get the thing you wanted

my dh just tells me to buy whatever i want but hes always been like that-abolsutely crap with presents

but i understand your point if you sent him the link and told him exactly what it was

I think even just sending somebody something straight from amazon is lazy. It's just a click of a few buttons

@Macncheeseballs

I think even just sending somebody something straight from amazon is lazy. It's just a click of a few buttons

This is what I don't get. I find the presents as love language mentality pretty bizarre at best and sometimes harmful at worst, though I do accept that it's a common perspective and a normal way for a person in our society to feel. But if you do feel that way, how is buying something you've been directed to buy any better than sending the money? They both involve no thought and the difference in time and effort is about two minutes max.

@EmpressSuiko

Re the cakes - is it possible that you make such wonderful cakes (which I bet are decorated beautifully) that everyone thinks they couldn't match up to your standard? So giving you a lopsided cake with lumps in and a splodge of icing on the top they perceive almost as insulting you? Whereas you'd just be delighted with a cake of any kind?

It's a problem I often see with people who are professionals in any field. Professional florists rarely get bunches of flowers for a birthday, for example.

DSis does this. Just puts the DC's birthday or Christmas money into my account rather than going to any effort and it feels.... sad. Like there's no thought to even count.
I can't complain though. I get the extra "fun" of schlepping out to the shops after already having done so buying presents for the kids myself already, then I have to decide what to buy, bring it home, wrap it and then tell DC that it's from someone else even though it was me who went to all the fucking effort.

It's not a gift. It's financing one.

@Zaphodsotherhead Oh gosh no! My cakes are amateur level! I just do my best to please the kids and hubby doesn’t cook let alone bake 😂 even a store bought one would be nice, I usually let it go as I’m not overly fussed by my birthdays.

@blinkeyblonkeyblimey

Are you me? Your post sums up my situation perfectly.

Honestly I can hardly see the difference between the 2. If they were to get you something specific, then it's already akin to a transaction anyway.

They sound well meaning but disorganised I would be grateful

BlackBerry cane - I agree, both options are a bit crap

My mum is always like this 🙄. Asks me what I want, then says it's far too much hassle to order off amazon/wherever and that she doesn't want to pay shipping and then sends me the money instead. It's always a huge drama too.

I'm saying YANBU.

Sorry, I just don't see the problem here. I don't understand what all the fuss is about regarding birthday presents!
A birthday is just a date. A present is just a thing. Why wait for a specific date to buy something that you want? Why expect someone else to buy it for you?
Why not just buy it yourself when you want/need it, assuming you can afford it, and forget about what date it is? Why does the date matter?

This would really infuriate me. It’s like saying, ‘I know what you want, but I can’t be arsed to sort it myself. So here’s the money and you do it.’ It’s not like he’s giving you the money because you don’t know what you want: you do, as does he, but he’s putting the onus on you. I’ve had this with relatives: one year MIL asked me what did DH and I want for Christmas? So I said what we would like. A week later she rang and said she’d had a better idea: she would get us an XXXX. No, I said - we don’t need/want one. Oh you’ll love it, she said. Don’t want it, I said , etc. She was insistent. 10 days before Christmas she asked me to go and get it myself, and she’d give me the money. So not only was she buying something we didn’t want, she was expecting me to go and get it, too. Pick your battles, someone has said: I don’t see it as a battle, I see it as a thoughtless gesture.

@Macncheeseballs

BlackBerry cane - I agree, both options are a bit crap

I think they're both fine, preferable even to the giver choosing something. But essentially identical, wherever you sit on the cash as presents spectrum.

This is just a luck and a sign that they rate you! But if you have no enough money you can catch some here bettingnirvana.com/

I'm with you OP. I think that is really lazy. I'd be annoyed.