paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

[cola2019]

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

Put the pool back, fill it up, chuck the kids in and the husband out. My ex was a boring, pompous, controlling old fart too. My commiserations to you and your children.

Sound's like my dad, he's much better now we're adults. My parents are now divorced.

Why did your husband have children if he hates them so much?

I assume your friends haven't heard of COVID. I wouldn't. They are basically outdoor toilets. At least in a swimming pool there is chlorine.

Oops - posted on wrong thread. Can't remove it.

No one would bother about kids playing in gardens.

Having lived next door to neighbours with noisy kids playing in the garden, I do get your husband's point of view. It is very depressing and annoying when you want to settle down and read (specially older people) and there's a constant screaming and yelling in the background. Or when you can't enjoy your own quiet music or tv because of it. If it was just now and then (kids birthday party etc) it's ok, but if it's every day in the summer (even just for a couple of hours) it can be rotten and stressful for neighbours. I also understand that kids need to play (had my own!) But maybe do try to teach your children to keep the noise down. The letter is a bad idea - rather OTT. Could you just have a brief word with your immediate neighbours and actually ask if it bothers them?

@TrishTeres her husband isn't bothered about others, just himself. How can you think it's 'nice' to have a husband like hers. Bet you're fun at parties.

My kids are the only kids on a street. They are also a bit younger than yours

I used to worry massively. Like massively. Until my daughter for her birthday. Wanted a street party with the neighbours

Every single neighbour came and told me they love hearing my kids laughing and screech. Even if it's all day and never to stop them having fun

So now I don't. I don't ever worry. Except if they argue for a long time. Then they have to come in.

I'm amazed at the amount of people saying kids can be a bit quieter. Not all day everyday .Do you all forget you were young once .any spare time they should be out playing for hours on end the problem these days parents will shove kids in front of tecnology for peace and quiet so bang goes the days when kids were out in fresh air.I think your children will grow up to resent him and I'm surprised you are putting up with it, next time he wants to move let him but you stay where you are and give your kids the childhood they have been missing out on .

The tough thing now is so many people working from home.... so weekdays you need to be more considerate...compromise is needed... pool use Friday - Sunday maybe ! Kids should have fun but also learn to respect neighbours it can be done ..

Such a shame your DH feels this way, I have precious memories of splashing around in our pool, whats better than seeing your children outside playing and having fun. I understand what he means about piece in the garden, I am at the age where I prefer not to hear noise and enjoy the piece however, listening to children playing is not my issue, its the parties, music and loud gatherings which annoys me. It would be much more fun if your DH joined in with them and and enjoyed them while they are young, makes me think why he wanted children. Unfortunately they will remember this. Can you not have a word with your neighbours and if they are OK with this, have a chat with him to say neighbours are fine and allow time for the kids to play outdoors while they can.

Do you all forget you were young once
That's exactly the point! I was skid and we were told off by my parents if we were loud and annoying. I was brought up with the notion that we had to respect other people's needs and 5hat we were not the centred of the world. We were punished if we didn't obey.

Do I remember my childhood as being traumatised? Certainly not, I had a great time, many fun times and managed to do so playing with my sister all the time without being loud and disruptive.

I also raised my kids with those same values and they too learnt the same principles yet also has a great childhood. I personally have always hated loud noise and no way would I have tolerated my kids acting like the neighbour kids are.

It's amazing how whenever the kids get to that point signals the time the parents go back in and close their door. I believe they too don't care for it much but if it means they get a few minutes of peace and quiet inside, they don't care one bit that that the neighbours are also finding themselves having to go in. They are just selfish and can't be bothered to discipline their kids.

I like to hear kids playing.What I hate is screaming and adults playing music outside,especially radio.
Your husband doesn't sound much fun when you are told which parts of the propert to stay in.

Ps.I am 60.

I do worry a bit about the noise we make in the garden but I really don’t think neighbour mind kids playing. Your husband sounds really controlling, I’m sorry x

I don't know about a letter of apology to the neighbours but your husband needs to write a letter of apology to your children.
I would have pushed my husband in the pool if he had treated me like your husband treated you. (not helpful information I know)
There is absolutely nothing wrong with children playing outside in the garden on a sunny day. That's what children do! Ok if they are extremely loud all day that's different but for a couple of hours each day, I really don't see the problem.
Is your husband under a lot of stress at the moment so everything is over sensitized? Lockdown is an unusual situation to be in. Is he always like this?

YADNBU your poor children.... I'm over 50 and love to hear children shouting in neighbouring gardens. Outdoor fun versus screens.... why would your husband choose screens?

I feel your pain.

Your husband is an adult and by the sounds of it a little controlling.

I think that you are right and the children need to play, it was wrong of him to dismantle the pool without a warning? Let the kids play in the pool and ask them to keep the shouting down to play level. Buying another tyre sounds good. If you are really concerned let them out in the afternoon, maybe after school work and for a set time, this might keep hubby happy. Then just let the set time get longer.

I do think this was such a good idea of yours buying the pool in the first place for many reasons, hopefully bring the kids together which I think is important as their relationship could be so important to them going through life as they will have each other. Stand by the kids and let them use the pool and play after all they are kids.

I’d agree your husband sounds a bit of a knob. Kids play in gardens in the summer - most older people like to hear that. You did the right thing not putting letters through.

Even when I was younger and thought I might not want kids of my own I loved the noise of kids playing. It makes you remember you’re own childhood. If they are bickering, crying, squeeling then yes I’d expect a parent to step in and tell them to cut it out but otherwise, get on with being a child and making memories of summers out playing!

DH and I don't have DC yet. We live in a block of flats. There are children who live to the right of us who play in their garden. They appear to be older children i.e. a similar age to OP's children. They make normal children playing outside noise, they occasionally shout when excited, but generally the noise is laughter and normal talking. Doesn't bother us at all. They don't do any shrieking or screaming, if that was happening a lot then I would hope the parents would take steps to address it.

The block of flats to the left of us is another matter. One family there plays music outside for most of the day in nice weather. If they're not playing music they are playing the guitar (badly) and repeating the same song over and over on it. They also argue with each other a lot and we can hear their arguments, and sometimes their conversations. DH and I are working from home and have to shut the windows to reduce their noise. They bother us much more than the sound of children playing outside nicely!

Ferret27 okay in the garden Friday- Sunday as people are working from home? Ridiculous- most offices have more background noise than a few kids playing.
I have to put up with my neighbours constantly strimming or mowing or jet washing all weekend or the other side who is using furlough to redo his entire decking, fencing and shed, banging all day with the radio on - in return they put up with kids playing in the pool, regular bbqs and family noise

Apologies as I haven't RTFT but OP, does your husband make apologies for his family in other areas too? He sounds as if he has massive issues and must be hard work to live with.

10 and 12 year olds desperately need to let off steam, especially now, and especially if they're digging their heels in at family walks (my 12 yo is the same). They're old enough to be told, and understand why, not to scream and any other noise they'd make is surely just normal kids' noise. They're part of society and you shouldn't be apologising for them, regardless of your neighbourhood.

I get a bit twitchy at small kids who are Screamers - WHY do they have to do that? and can't their parents realise how jarring it it? - but they're still, at the end of the day, young children having fun and letting off steam. I'm surrounded by gardens with young children and older childless neighbours. The childless neighbours have power tool fetishes and are constantly angle-grinding, strimming or mowing. I prefer the kids' noises.

I havnt ticked either YABU YUNBU. I think your both right. IF it is just a couple of hours ok, but sorry I dont believe this , if kids are having a great time they will keep playing naturally. 9 and 10 year olds squeal and scream very loudly, as your used to it you perhaps dont hear it, parents kind of tune out. kids if you dont have any can drive folks nuts, if you live predominately around older perhaps retired people then yes it would be annoying, compromise is the key, speak with neighbours be respectful, sending notes is a bit much though.

I don't have children, but my neighbours do. I actualy enjoy hearing the children playing and having fun in the garden, laughing and playing is a lovely sound to hear. I personally can't stand high shrill screaming though, that would be too far. But for a few hours a day just suck it up. Maybe knock on the neighbours either side of you and say while the children are outside, if they get too loud knock and let you know. Let them know they van approach you if they have an issue x