paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

[cola2019]

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

I couldn’t be married to somebody like that. Children need to play, the old ‘seen and not heard’ bull died a death a long time ago, I love hearing children play out.

We have screeching neighbours. The girl screams all the time (in a playful way rather than a terrifying way) and the dogs bark and their music is loud most nights. I absolutely love that they don’t give a shit.

Have you asked him why he had children when he dislikes them so much? It can’t be fun for your children growing up in such a stifling environment. I really could not live with someone like that.

This has made my blood boil.
This man sounds like a bully and a control freak.
How dare he dismantle the pool and tell the kids to write letters of apology. What a Nasty rude vile man.
Whose home is it? His or the families?!!
It sounds to me like it’s his house, his rules and you walk on egg shells.
If your scared of him you need to get help.

Would much rather hear your kids shouting than my ruddy neighbour playing the guitar (badly) and revving his motorbike (loudly) all day. Mine are a bit older now but I was working in the garden the other day and the small ones at the back of us were yelling and yelping but it really wasn't a problem. As long as they're not swearing, I wouldn;t be fussed.

If you moved to an area, full of 50 somethings in a bid to be in a quieter area with less children, then I’m afraid, yes YABU. Sorry. Screaming kids next door, even if playing, can be annoying in an area with few children I’m afraid.

@cola2019

You have a husband problem, not a children or a neighbour problem.

My kids are grown now, but you better believe they made a noise in the garden when they were playing. All year long, not just on sunny days. So did our neighbours' kids when we first moved there as a young no kids couple. So are are our current neighbours' kids who are younger than yours.

We are working from home, so the noise can be a little distracting, but shoving kids onto devices when you have the luxury of a pool, let alone a garden is just cruel.

From your post I can pretty much guarantee your husband is projecting his issues with HIS OWN CHILDREN BEING NORMAL CHILDREN onto the neighbours, who probably do not care at all.

Does he even like his own children? Does he ever play with them?

Your husband doesn’t deserve the lovely kids he has. To play outside for an hour or two in your own garden with laughter and noise should be accepted by any neighbour if it’s not 7am in the morning or 9pm at night. It’s not like they’re playing drums or heavy metal all day. I think he is the one with the problem. I personally love hearing kids enjoying themselves and it sounds as if yours’ were doing just that - and within reason.
Your husband needs to seek help from a therapist with regard to HIS dislike of children and he need help to address HIS controlling behaviour before he does serious damage to your children. You need to stick up for them and protect their well being.
Dismantling the pool in this weather- and in the present lockdown - was mean and spiteful and utterly selfish!

What nonsense ! Your dh is neither horrible nor a rubbish Dad. On he contrary it takes a very sweet guy to be that concerned about his neighbours privacy and enjoyment of their outside space. And also his concern about the standing of his kids in the neighbourhood as being OK kids. No doubt he is being a bit obsessive about the situation. And just to reassure him as a very ancient widower, I would miss terribly the sound of kids laughing and arguing in the garden next door. You were obviously wrong in countermanding his instructions to the kids. Didn't make him look good in their eyes. Just as he went totally overboard in dismantling their pool - particularly in the present circumstances. If ever their was a case for a compromise. Let the kids write their notes hoping that they are not causing too much noise but also with a covering note from you and Dh expressing your sensitivity to ensure that your neighbours are not suffering too much noise discomfort. And you could have a rule that the kids may use the pool for say three hours during the day so that there is some quietness from evening onwards.

My three kids (all under 10) doubtless Annoy the neighbours by playing and fighting noisily. I don’t care tbh. It is hot and lockdown so they can deal with it. Not that anyone has complained. And it is not antisocial hours.

Oh my God OP - your poor kids! You need to be careful as if your husband carries on like this he won’t have much of a relationship with them as adults. How is he going to be with grandchildren? We have paddling pools on either side of us and one in our garden - it’s completely normal. There is something very wrong with your husband - are you happily married?

YANBU. I'm sorry but your husband sounds horrible, does he literally not like kids? Your kids are missing out and have done all their lives by the sound of that fun vacuum. You sound lovely, how the hell do you live like it.

Good grief! All day every day might start to grate but a few hours out in the nice weather here and there is definitely not unreasonable. Your husband sounds completely over the top. I was out in the garden earlier and the kids over the back fence sang one line from one song over and over for at least 20 minutes straight and I was about tearing my hair out. Not at them singing or laughing or shouting, I just really wanted them to change from the one lyric on repeat! Your husband needs to chill out! Kids are kids and they need to let off steam and get some fresh air! We don’t live in the Victorian era any more! Sheesh!

Your husband is nasty and controlling. Who doesn’t like the sound of kids playing and having fun?! Especially their own!
My first LTB - you and your kids will be so much happier.

By the sound of it your husband has a sensory issue and worries far too much what people think.
The “child” window is so small and passes so quickly that it’s important to allow them to be children whilst they can be. At the end of the day unless you live in isolation in a rural part of the country your neighbours will hear your noise but so what? You pay your mortgage and council tax you can do as you wish (within reason) in your own property.

Did your neighbours actually say something? They'll find it weird if they get an "I'm sorry"" letter if they didn't actually say anything. In fact, they may see it as some sort of passive aggression behaviour that you think they moan a lot or hate kids...

He is being over the top!
It’s good to be considerate and as long as it is not early before 9 or late, after 9pm (personal opinion) or for many many hours on end it is fine.

My mum is over 70 and lives by herself and she enjoys hearing children play especially laughing and having fun. Definitely not screaming or shouting for prolonged amounts of time. (All day every day)

You should be able to enjoy your garden and needs to be a mutual respect. If you are overly concerned why don’t you speak to the neighbours (if they are a reasonable sort) and ask if the boys playing in the garden bothers them? Personally I don’t think any reasonable person would have a problem with a few hours over each day.

Is there a reason why your husband is so paranoid?

Good luck!

The bigger issue here is that you clearly have a controlling husband, and I would tell him to shove his opinion up his arse! Kids need to be kids, and anything is a blessing to get them away from their screens.

I think “hubby” needs to fuck off.

I’m quite saddened by this post - your poor kids and you. I think there’s a fundamental underlying issue... I don’t think your husband wanted kids and I can’t imagine that he had a happy childhood himself. You need to ask yourself if he’s negative and controlling about other aspects of your life. Does he make all the decisions? What do you think your kids think of him? He doesn’t sound very nice tbh & your neighbours (unless equally horrid) would be baffled to receive an apology from kids making playtime noise. He might be your H but he’s missing the D.

I love hearing children have fun . I am always pleased these days to see kids out side . Respect to everyone supporting young children splash on .

Reading this your husband shouldn't have kids. Kids make noise, kids need to play, he didn't like to live where other kids lived now he won't let his kids play where you've moved to. Your man is thd one acting like a kid a spoiled one 🙄

I also live in an area where we the majority of neighbours are elderly. I have 4 kids who spend all day in the garden playing, screaming, crying, arguing etc. I on numerous occasions have apologised to both direct neighbours when I speak to them and both elderly couples have said how they love to hear the kids having fun and find some of the arguments hilarious. on an occasion when they haven’t heard them they were concerned something was wrong. Kids should be outside having fun in this weather not cooped up on devices.

Were your husband's parent controlling and didn't allow him to play like a normal child? I love to hear the children playing in the gardens either side of me. I do draw the line at screaming - that is really annoying and the fence being battered by a cricket bal! Makes me jump every time.

No problem at all. However my twatty noisy neighbours are in their hot tub playing loud music and I have work in the morning. I wish they'd shut the fuck up. It's 9.30 pm.