paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

[cola2019]

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

Mid 30s couple no kids here.. We love to hear the kids out having fun.. Beats parties and loud music

Maybe my neighbours are on MN because at least they've turned their noisy shitty music off.
Op, I love the sound of kids having fun. It would be horrible if they weren't.

My DS is 10 months and his favourite place is the garden, and his 2 favourite things are screeching like a crow (caw caw caw) and banging a metal bowl with a wooden spoon. My neighbours think it's funny and often encourage him. I dread to think what your DH would say. They are kids, and kids are noisy. It's in their DNA.

@Pinkerbells That sounds soooo annoying!!!

I can’t believe what I’ve just read ☹️
Your poor, poor kids. I know you do your best OP, but what a semi miserable childhood they must’ve had so far. How dare he just dismantle it!!! What a controlling, miserable twat. I haven’t read the full thread (sorry), but was he an only child? What are his parents’ thoughts on it?

Wondering if OP is ok as no reply.

The vast majority of people would not object to some noise from children enjoying themselves in the sun particularly in this weird lockdown life. Consideration is great but it sounds like your DH is using the neighbours as an excuse for his own inability to cope with disruption. Since you all live at home it and , for the time being, everyone is cooped up together, you might need to ring fence times where it’s ok to be noisy and times where everyone is quieter. If he has 9-11.30 quiet to work, he should then either put up with the kids noise or go out for a walk while they have some time to relax. More quiet time in the afternoon and back in the pool at 5.
It’s totally ott to write letters to the neighbours. It’s also v unreasonable to dismantle the pool without discussion. I think I would be tempted to order a 12ft one unless he compromises. There are 4 people to consider here, not just his preferences.

Good luck.

It's one of the nicest sounds to hear children having a bit of fun or a bit of a barney. These days are over so quickly....I feel so sorry for you and your children...OMG Stepford Dad...I hope you show him these comments as he needs a wake up call literally

As a childless neighbour I would probably find kids in paddling pool to be annoying. But I also accept that I live in a house that has neighbours and I have to suck it up. If I want quiet, then I will move to somewhere without neighbours.

Our neighbour jumps on the trampoline for hours and I can hear the squeak with every jump. But I also know that i have to accept it. You husband sounds like he hates kids and this behaviour is very concerning.

There is a happy medium, I cant bear constant screaming for no reason, but your dh sounds miserable!

DON'T make them write a note, that's bizarre, you could always ASK the neighbours, when you see them if the noise bothers them much, then adjust accordingly or tell dh hes overreacting! They are old enough now to keep it down when asked. I used to bring mine in when they were young if they were arguing or screaming/crying.

Today my neighbour said how nice it was to hear them playing at water fights...

There are many forms of domestic abuse. He sounds worryingly controlling.

You are not being unreasonable but i sympathise with your dh.
I am very noise sensitive and hate hearinf children screaming and shouting. That said, that is not the same as children playing.

Children playing, laughing, having fun is lovely to listen to.

Screeching, screaming and shouting is not and there is no need for it.

I have 3 children and they are happy playing outside but if their noise level goes above acceptable i will ask them to tone it down.
Unlike my neighbours kids who have never been taught courtesy for others and go about life at full volume constantly

There is a happy medium, he needs to find it because right now he's being a bully that should never have had children

My DH set up a new hose/sprinkler be bought to water new grass that isn't here yet today just so the kids could play running through it.

He I suggested this and did his best to keep them outside playing when they wanted to return to screens.

He seems awful. Does he do anything else with the kids?

Kids = mess + noise.
He needs to accept that.

Your husband was definitely not allowed to have a childhood.
Maybe just knock at your neighbours and tell them that on warm days the kids will be in the pool or garden for a few hours a day. Sorry it they disturb them but it will only be out there for a few hours. You are entitled to let your kids to play in the garden otherwise why buy a house with a garden.
Your husband also needs to let your children be children and stop being so anal and you need to put your foot down with him. X

I live in a quiet cul de sac, my neighbours are all older, a couple of different houses have said they love hearing the kids play, the youngest is only 2 and quite cute when she’s trying to boss the older ones, I really think you need to put the pool back up, your husband is very odd, let the kids enjoy the sunshine in there own garden

I hope the reason OP hasn’t replied, is because she’s re mantling and filling the pool for the kids as we type.

Your OH sounds like a dampener of all things fun for your children. If he doesn’t like you undermining him, he should have a discussion with you about boundaries and consequences for the kids.... before he goes all Nazi on them. In effect he’s undermining you, by taking it upon himself to be judge, jury’s and executioner (of the poor pool)

This does sound like a particularly unreasonable man. Is he the father of your children? It sounds as if he didn't want and shouldn't have, children.
9However, I live in a peaceful place specifically for over 60's. A lot of us have family to visit and have a nice, grassy communal garden. However we have one couple who are a nightmare. By virtue of our age a few of us are shielding and some are unwell. However, from day one this couple has had their very noisy family running in and out of their flat and taking over the communal garden. One child spent nearly two hours 'yipping' like their equally unruly dog. They congregate several times a day, screeching and cannot talk without yelling. Before they moved in, on sunny days, we'd have our windows open and listen to the birds. Now, you can't have a window open because of the noise, cigarette and bbq smoke.
They really don't care about social distancing and anti-social behaviour. It only takes one family to totally ruin the lives of 20 other decent families. Maybe your neighbours just don't like to complain? And lockdown will end eventually....

You have a serious husband problem and I wonder why you are still with him. Is it you who thinks he's manure or has he told you that he's mature? Either way if maturity made us child-phobic then grandparents must be immature as fuck.

He is a horrible man. He doesn't like his children and it doesn't sound as though he likes you much either. Does he control everything in your family? If you put the pool out again what will he do? If he doesn't want marriage counselling you should go alone because it might help you see that this is no way to live for you or your children.

Unlike my neighbours kids who have never been taught courtesy for others and go about life at full volume constantly hmm

That’s us! Full volume constantly

Wow I can not believe what I have just read, feel so sorry for you and your children, your husband is being unreasonable.
I personally love to hear children laughing and playing and just generally bring free spirited, All siblings argue, we have to remember we were children once were we quiet all the time? I know we weren’t as a family. Its beautiful weather why should they be cooped up like caged animals.
What kind of life is this for your children where they have to be seen and not heard. It’s not normal. They are only kids for a minute before you know it they will be grown up moved out and you will be left alone with bollocks chops, still controlling you, and living with regrets.
There is also the future to look at, when your children go on to give you Grandchildren, is he going to stop them playing too? You might end up not getting to see them, as I’m sure your children hate the way their dad treats them now, I’m more sure they will not want their dad to treat their children the same way.
Hugs go out to you because your doing your best to give them a normal childhood, and being over ruled by the bully.
Put the swimming pool back up if he don’t like it then he can fuck off back out, or maybe he could do a bit of volunteering at the local old people’s home where it’s nice and quiet x

Yes , I totally agree with what others have said about the fact that you must be aware of your neighbours feelings.
Nobody minds the noise of children playing ... but screaming and shouting all day long .. NO.

Etiquette is not before 9am, ideally 10am on Sundays. Not after 6pm. One hour blocks max 3 per day spread out ideally. I'm wfh so I'm in the garden working - it would be massively irritating if I had to go inside all day because of noisy neighbours, luckily the kids over the back spend mornings homeschooling, outside at lunchtime then their mum takes them off for "educational trips" to wear them out, they are getting great at identifying bird song! Early evening at their parents cook the noise and arguing starts ... this is ok

All previous threads about this subject has concluded that if you are not happy with children being noisy, you should move to a quiet neighborhood.

So the opposite applies and I agree with your OH. I expect your kids are much louder than you claim and it's more than 2 hours all together.

I do think it extreme to dismantle the pool though but you should instruct your kids to play respectfully. The moment they get loud or fight, they go back in and not on devices.

It's really not that hard.

Some people like a quieter life and I think your husband is one of them. People on this thread seem to have really gone for him all guns blazing, purely because of that. It doesn’t make him horrible and nobody knows him, purely on account of one post. The op clearly stated they went to live in a quieter area where there were less children so yes, she is being unreasonable to buy a huge paddling pool and he children are older now too. I agree with her husband. There is nothing more annoying than screaming children when you’re in a quiet neighbour hood. I liken it to constant barking dogs.

Be considerate and don’t let your kids screech and scream all day. My enjoyment of our garden has been totally spoilt by my neighbour’s kids in their enormous paddling pool. Screeching at the top of their lungs is a difficult noise to screen out. I’ve tried earplugs with noise cancelling headphones (together) and I can still hear it.

Ok, kids make a certain amount of noise, that’s a given, but I’ve never heard the parents asking them to quiet down or stop screaming, not once. Being considerate to your neighbours is not too much to ask. And for those saying it’s ok between 10am and 6pm, no it isn’t. That’s exactly when people want to be in their gardens when it’s sunny. Playing in paddling pools is fine, screaming and screeching all day long is not.

Red flag back when he made them move. Twice.