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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for driving lessons

202 replies

Candy150 · 30/05/2020 11:45

DS is sulking as we’ve refused to pay for driving lessons. He’s 24 and has his own job, lives at home. He doesn’t contribute to the household expenses including to food so his wages are all his own.

Admittedly he only started working earlier this year after graduating a few years ago so hasn’t got much savings but AIBU? I feel he should learn to stand on his own feet starting with this. Especially as he’s had what I would say is an easy ride since graduation. He’s very upset and says we can afford it. I’m feeling a bit guilty as he’s now skulked off to his room, would appreciate some views on this. Thanks.

OP posts:
WitsEnding · 30/05/2020 12:06

Agree. I did pay for DS driving lessons at 18 because I'd subsidised DD in various ways, but he paid board and lodging (as an apprentice)
At 24 he has a joint share in a house, his own car and a good standard of living.

GreenTulips · 30/05/2020 12:07

DD was 16 part time job 4 hours a week and paid for most of her own lessons

We paid for the driving test and theory test plus the odd extra lesson.

If she can do it anyone can.

She also saved and paid for most of her car with a £500 contribution from us.

KelpianCasserole · 30/05/2020 12:07

I know this sounds harsh but I would be really worried that he will bring these entitled attitudes to his relationships. We all moan about men that are entitled manchilds/manchildren? But they learn these ways somewhere!

VettiyaIruken · 30/05/2020 12:09

A 24 year old man sulking in his bedroom in his mam and dad's house is ridiculous.

By 24, I was working, married and pregnant. I can't imagine instead a life where at that age I was stropping around my parents house cos I had to actually pay for something.

He needs to grow up and pay his way in the world!

Yelllow · 30/05/2020 12:09

My parents made me pay for my own lessons when I was 16!

Anydreamwilldo12 · 30/05/2020 12:09

It was great to see not one person voted yabu. OP, unfortunately you have raised an entitled spoilt child who not only doesn't expect to contribute to any household expenses but also expects his Mother to finance his driving lessons. Time for a change.

Chandler12 · 30/05/2020 12:09

I paid 20pc of my income as digs to my parents when I started working at 16. Paid for my own lessons at 17. Moved out at 18 and returned to full time education.

It wouldn’t ever have occurred to me even at that age to expect them to pay (they simply couldn’t).

I 100pc understanding wanting to give your kids a better life financially than you growing up (I’m the same!) but at his age working full time he should be paying digs to you - and his own bloody lessons.

You’ve already provided him support by not charging him anything while he was a student, but he’s not anymore and needs to contribute to your household costs. If you’re really not in need of the money you could still take a couple hundred off him a month and put it in savings to surprise him when he wants a mortgage but he definitely needs to start learning how to manage finances.

highmarkingsnowbile · 30/05/2020 12:12

You have raised an entitled spoilt brat.

roxfox · 30/05/2020 12:13

Yeah but you could've sorted him out when he was younger and he wouldn't be doing it now. If you can afford it just pay for it ffs it's your child. And yes he's an adult now but you could've helped him do it and 17 and clearly you didn't.

Cheesewiz · 30/05/2020 12:13

Absolutely not, and he should be contributing to the household.

Jimdandy · 30/05/2020 12:13

No YANBU but it sounds like if you’ve been enabling him for years if at 24 he’s only just got a job!!!

DarkDarkNight · 30/05/2020 12:16

I think it’s a nice thing for parents to do if they can. My parents paid for my siblings to learn to drive. But as he’s not contributing to the household in any way you are not being at all unreasonable.

Original poster
Candy150 · 30/05/2020 12:18

@roxfox.

The offer was always there at 17/18/19 for lessons to be paid. That’s what he said ‘well you would have paid for them a few years ago’ - the reply was “well now you’re 24”.

OP posts:
81Byerley · 30/05/2020 12:18

And why is he not contributing to your household expenses? He's not a child. He should pay his way. How long do you envisage him living at home for free? Because at this rate he'll never move out. Why should he? He's showing a complete lack of respect for you.

jerometheturnipking · 30/05/2020 12:19

That is hilarious and depressing in equal measure - a 24 year old man in a sulk in his bedroom because his mummy won't pay for driving lessons.
At 24 I had graduated and been living with my now DH for 3 years, and had a 1 year old. And I'm only 30, before anyone thinks "well it was different for you 20 years ago".

He needs to start paying his way. Surely it's an embarrassment for him with his friends or dates that he's a big man-child?

NursieBernard · 30/05/2020 12:21

I have 3 DS's and have/will pay for all their lessons, test etc when they want to do it regardless of age. This is what we have always said, both DS1 and DS2 'received' this as their 17 birthday present, one has had lessons and passed and the other does not want to learn yet and that is fine (the other DS is only 9). Did you every talk with your DS about it when he was 17 and what was said then?

dontdisturbmenow · 30/05/2020 12:22

The offer was always there at 17/18/19 for lessons to be paid
This what I suspected. Why didn't he learn then? Did you pay for an older siblings or intend to for a younger one?

Is he penalised because he chose to go to Uni?

NursieBernard · 30/05/2020 12:22

Sorry just seen your update!

makewaymakeway · 30/05/2020 12:22

I'm 25 and have had a mortgage and expenses (and 2 children) for 4 years.

Before that I paid my parents house keeping money from the minute I had a part time job at 16.

I think you've probably over spoilt your son and it really won't do him any good in the long run.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/05/2020 12:22

He’s 24! Anything else he wants you to pay for?.

His job isn’t pocket money 😂.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/05/2020 12:24

" He doesn’t contribute to the household expenses including to food so his wages are all his own."
Why not? When I started earning, I handed over 25% of my first month's wages to my mum. WITH PRIDE! I felt so grown-up and responsible and - well, adult. It's time he felt like an adult and not a sulky adolescent. You NEED to start charging him dig money.

"He’s very upset and says we can afford it."
Irrelevant what you can afford. Really, you need to nip this entitled shit right now.

mylittlesandwich · 30/05/2020 12:26

At 25, so not much older I was learning to drive. I paid for my own lessons and managed to pay the mortgage on my house. He's a cheeky wee chancer.

Werkwerkwerkwerkwerkwerk · 30/05/2020 12:26

I've been paying rent since 16 and think I'd get a good laugh if I asked for my lessons yo be paid for.

My mum has contributed to my uni savings but it very much a "stand on your own two feet" type of person so i definitely dont understand this level of expectation from parents

Moondust001 · 30/05/2020 12:26

He should be standing on his own two feet with rent and food - driving lessons are a luxury after you pay your way!

earthyfire · 30/05/2020 12:27

Wow I had a mortgage to pay by the time I was 24 - he can absolutely pay for his own lessons!

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