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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour just scolded my husband for building a fence. AIBU for being angry?

335 replies

LindyMoe · 29/05/2020 18:54

We're building a fence on our land for privacy in the garden. There is currently a hedge about waist high the neighbour has grown between gardens, but we would like privacy especially with my newborn.

He questioned my husband, demanding a reason for the fence but given it's on our land and we're sacrificing garden space to be away from his hedge, I'm quite shocked. He said we dont need one, that it's not pretty and that we haven't given him the attractive side. My husband said we're allowed to build what we want within regulation... it's a fence!

He then stormed off and said goodbye to being neighbourly.

In this time of worry and stress its making me quite anxious and I'm worried he will try and cause problems for us.

AIBU to be angry about this? I wanted to be friendly but honestly dont think we've done anything wrong.

Sigh

OP posts:
ListeningQuietly · 29/05/2020 21:55

Aquamarine
If you want a garden with total privacy if such a thing exists
fine
buy one
but do not enforce your high walls on others who have not had them before

Glowcat · 29/05/2020 21:56

’Insularity is unhealthy’

My dog in next door’s garden would be very unhealthy for their cat.

CharityDingle · 29/05/2020 21:59

You are paying for the fence. You get the attractive side.

Laiste · 29/05/2020 22:00

ListeningQuietly - what about extensions? Are we all to buy the exact size house we need and never extend? As well as buying a house with the right height fence?

Forcing high walls on others who haven't had them before ?? Seriously - i think your posts sound a bit nuts.

Xenia · 29/05/2020 22:01

Usually that's lawful and if they don't luike that side of the fence the hedge nearer their land can be left to grow higher anyway and hide the fence.

Do check the deeds of the house and local planning laws however as sometimes they decide what fence, how high etc is lawful.

frazzledasarock · 29/05/2020 22:01

@OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow we do help out our neighbours and I take parcels in for them and offer to help them during lockdown and DP gave them our left over turf to lay on their front garden. They also tell us if they’re going on holiday and we keep and eye on their house and same for us.

DP also puts out one neighbours bins when they forget too (I wouldn’t do that, having read how precious some on MN are about their bins 😂)

Still don’t spend time chatting with them and going into eachothers houses and telling them I’m putting up fences.

Previous neighbour asked to use my drive and I happily let them for several years as I wasn’t using it. I’m always polite and helpful when needed. One of our neighbours used to knock if he needed heavy things moved and DP would gladly do it.

Still wouldn’t think of telling neighbours or asking them whether I could erect a fence on my property and I don’t spend ages chatting to them about the weather and wouldn’t pop to theirs for tea either.

My neighbours are all lovely, and as we are the crazy cat family on the estate they like us as we take on injured waifs and strays (cats not people), which I think has endeared us to them.

Not to say people who are really friendly and chatty and pop into eachothers houses are wrong. I just don’t.

Glowcat · 29/05/2020 22:01

We could have a whip round for a pair of stilts for ListeningQuietly, just in case the worst happens.

Proudboomer · 29/05/2020 22:02

You own the side that is marked on your deeds. It could be left or right or even the fence at the end that backs onto a house in the next road over.
As long as the fence and posts are on your property it is yours. Next door can’t touch it, paint it, hang things from it, put trellis up it, screws in it or attach plants to it.
You decide which way the panels face.

wishihadagoodone · 29/05/2020 22:03

FFS

It sounds like your neighbour has the attitude that he's been there longer and now you young'uns have the cheek to come in and try and change your own property to suit your needs and he feels you haven't earned that right.
He sounds like a right pain in the neck to be honest.

In all honesty, if OP had approached neighbour and told him his plans and he said "not on your nelly", what then? Or do we still have to be courteous to arseholes?

We built a 3ft fence along our boundary in our front garden of our new build. It's a long, narrowing cul de sac and we have an extra bit of garden at the side to compensate for the awkward piece of land that is our back garden.
Visitors kept parking half on the road and half on our garden (probably assuming it was just a grass verge) churning up the grass seed that had just been planted so we put a small fence around it. When DH was putting the posts in, one of the neighbours came flying out asking what he thought he was doing, didn't he know that land belonged to everyone in the street and the poor children would have nowhere to put their football nets (they could probably start with their generously sized back gardens but that's another story)
DH calmly explained the land was actually ours and included in the sale of the house and produced the diagram sent via solicitor he had in his emails to show this. She muttered something about having to check this with her husband and disappeared. Never came up again. I just felt embarrassed for her that she'd made a total dick of herself without thinking.
We're all on good talking terms now.

I suspect your neighbour is much the same!!

Your land, your privacy, your fence.
Unless it's something that affects his land or quality of life, none of his business.

Peppafrig · 29/05/2020 22:09

It's common curtesy to let your neighbour know that you are building a fence . Yeah you don't HAVE to tell them but it's the decent thing to do.

sestras · 29/05/2020 22:14

I don't see what the problem is. If my neighbour built a fence I honestly wouldn't care

Is there a more attractive side of a fence?

Qgardens · 29/05/2020 22:14

Traditionally they have the attractive side, but like most things, this has probably evolved over time as people behave more selfishly.
It's polite to inform neighbours of changes that will impact them, purely out of consideration. It doesn't sound as if he would have reacted much differently even if you had though.

moonway · 29/05/2020 22:14

Some of these responses are shocking! Not everyone wants to chat with their neighbours all day long, I can't think of anything worse, everyone is entitled to privacy in their own property. You are paying for the fence you give yourself the 'attractive' side especially with how he has reacted to you. We're in the middle of a pandemic so maybe OP hasn't been chatting with their neighbour to let them even know about the fence but then what? They tell the neighbour about putting up the fence and he still has a fit and tells them not to? Don't let anyone make you feel uncomfortable about wanting your privacy OP

tara66 · 29/05/2020 22:16

Have not read many posts. Phone or email the local Council for your area ( where you pay local taxes) and ask about putting up fences. I think you are allowed a 2 m. or 6 ft. high hedge or fence. You do not need to be friendly with neighbour or rude either for that matter. Just do what is allowed.

Parahebe · 29/05/2020 22:20

I haven't read the whole thread and I am sure others have already said this - but no you don't have to tell your neighbour you want to put up a fence on your own land, the other side of the existing boundary. In terms of 'would it have been nice' to do so, probably yes - but from what you have said it sounds like he would have caused a fuss regardless so it wouldn't have made things any easier. He sounds like an awkward cuss. As for who gets the 'nice side' - it's entirely up to you.

Ignore your neighbour - it'll be a lot easier to do so when the fence is up ;)

ListeningQuietly · 29/05/2020 22:21

they paved paradise and put up a parking lot

sad

thread hidden

Piglet89 · 29/05/2020 22:21

OMG OP, it is generally considered really rude not to at least speak to a neighbour before putting something up on a boundary. It’s just common sense! No wonder your neighbour was pissed off.

strugglingwithdeciding · 29/05/2020 22:23

Pretty sure rule is you have to give them the good side though and there are restrictions on how high

NoMoreDickheads · 29/05/2020 22:25

You might've been better to let him know before you did it (just for politeness' sake.) But I doubt he can do anything about it.

Tistheseason17 · 29/05/2020 22:26

It's polite to mention you are putting up a fence but that is it.

You are spending money at a fence you have to look at for years and maintain so please put the nicer looking side facing your gardnen - or you will end up hating yourself for a poor decision. His side will have it half obscured by the waist heigh fence anyway.

JacobReesMogadishu · 29/05/2020 22:30

My cheeky neighbour replaced his fence which is his responsibility, convinced dh to pay half and dh for some reason agreed, and still gave us the bad side and got us to help install it! Grin

I don’t actually care about the “bad” side. We’re still neighbourly. Your neighbour is odd.

onegirlandherdog · 29/05/2020 22:39

I would hate to be able to see into my neighbours garden and vice versa - and we all get on very well. It's your garden. He's being odd.

Alicatz66 · 29/05/2020 22:44

You should definitely put the nice side of the fence facing your neighbours.... also it would have been polite to speak to them about it first .. not quite sure why you need all this privacy for your baby ? .. but you have it now because your neighbours won't be friendly !!

Bojohair · 29/05/2020 22:49

It’s tradition and polite to give the neighbour the attractive side.

Cailleach1 · 29/05/2020 22:56

It is not so much the 'bad' side that fence owners put on their side as the maintenance side with the Arris rail and nails/screws. You can access everything easily if something needs to be fixed.