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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour just scolded my husband for building a fence. AIBU for being angry?

335 replies

LindyMoe · 29/05/2020 18:54

We're building a fence on our land for privacy in the garden. There is currently a hedge about waist high the neighbour has grown between gardens, but we would like privacy especially with my newborn.

He questioned my husband, demanding a reason for the fence but given it's on our land and we're sacrificing garden space to be away from his hedge, I'm quite shocked. He said we dont need one, that it's not pretty and that we haven't given him the attractive side. My husband said we're allowed to build what we want within regulation... it's a fence!

He then stormed off and said goodbye to being neighbourly.

In this time of worry and stress its making me quite anxious and I'm worried he will try and cause problems for us.

AIBU to be angry about this? I wanted to be friendly but honestly dont think we've done anything wrong.

Sigh

OP posts:
minisoksmakehardwork · 30/05/2020 07:28

Op would be perfectly within her right to cut the hedge back on her side right to the boundary line and then install a fence, and tbh this is what I would have done. We have a hedge at the front of our home. We keep it trimmed right to the boundary line on the neighbours side as it's our hedge. I'd be pretty pissed off at sacrificing some of our garden if it were the other way round.

relievedlady · 30/05/2020 07:33

Bugger that op.

It's on your land and you do what you want with your fence.
Your entitled to privacy in your own garden.

We had a neighbour once complained because we put a gate on our side of the property to stop our toddler getting down to the main road. Every other house in the row had one there including them on the other side.

Told them to stop being ridiculous and that was the end of it

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 30/05/2020 07:39

I think it would have been good neighbourly etiquette to knock and let them know first

Why? so they say no, we dont want you to- what then?

Its perfectly legal to install a 6 foot fence for privacy in your garden. You dont need permission from anyone and you have a right to privacy.

There is a saying that "good fences make good neighbours" and i think its obvious why- you both get to enjoy some privacy.

snowybean · 30/05/2020 07:50

CBA to read every page but :

  1. You can install a fence up to 6'6" (2m) without planning permission.
  2. Can't think of anything worse than low fences. I really don't want to have a chat with my neighbours in the back garden; privacy is where it's at (overlooked or not)
  3. Be careful so you don't kill his hedge
  4. No need to give him the nice side but make sure the 'ugly' side isn't awful.
  5. It's not stealing half the light from the garden, it's taking 3ft.
  6. Read point 2) again 🤣
Blingismything · 30/05/2020 07:54

You should have stated before commencing work and yes, the etiquette is that you have the better side outward facing. You have the rear side facing your garden.

BeltaneBride · 30/05/2020 08:01

Convention is that you give yourself the unattractive side so that part IU.

PirateWeasel · 30/05/2020 08:05

Eeek, reading all these responses has made me question whether we were reasonable to paint the side of our neighbour's fence that faces us. It's theirs and they gave us the good side, but I didn't even think twice about slapping green paint on it 😬

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 30/05/2020 08:10

In this case you definitely should ask for permission @PirateWeasel

I know small are where the houses have it as a covenant not to have higher fencing than 1.5m. Someone bought there thinking they can simply discharge it. Was selling again in a year.

diddl · 30/05/2020 08:21

@PirateWeasel

Eeek, reading all these responses has made me question whether we were reasonable to paint the side of our neighbour's fence that faces us. It's theirs and they gave us the good side, but I didn't even think twice about slapping green paint on it 😬
Probably OK if you didn't drip through to their side & they hadn't shelled out for a pre treated fence!
diddl · 30/05/2020 08:22

@BeltaneBride

Convention is that you give yourself the unattractive side so that part IU.
Neighbour has a hedge as his border though so it doesn't really matter, does it?
Flamingolingo · 30/05/2020 08:27

You’re not obligated to tell him if it’s on your land (I don’t think), but it’s standard neighbourly practice to let people know about stuff like this. Especially if you’re raising the height of the boundary because it will change their view. You can’t stop them being annoyed though.

When we moved in to this house we took out a large hedge, but unbeknownst to us the neighbour’s hedge down the side was in fact our hedge that had grown round the corner. He lost his whole hedge, but fortunately we had already spoken to him about taking the front hedge out and he was very good about it, although clearly a bit shocked (it was a big hedge). We’ve planted a new hedge for him.

Peacocking · 30/05/2020 08:29

I havent read the whole thread due to time so this may have been mentioned already. You said you'd built the fence inside your land to avoid his hedge. You may accidentally end up permanently altering boundries slightly in his favour if you 'give' him an extra thin strip of land on his side of the fence. Might cause issues when you come to sell up.

As to asking permission, pretty side etc...rubbish! Do what you want as long as its sensible and reasonable. Putting a fence up is both of those things.

redwoodmazza · 30/05/2020 08:35

We came home from a walk to find a neighbour hammering at our side fence. I asked her if all was OK and she said that nails had come loose in recent winds. As I just stood there, she said 'Is it your fence?' I said it was. She said she thought it was hers. I confirmed it was OURS.
The thing is, the fence in question is on the far side of her lengthways shared driveway [with a neighbour in a property beyond hers]. Who could possibly individually own a fence that is along the far edge of a SHARED driveway? It would have to belong equally to both who own the shared driveway, anyway? She had to cross the shared driveway, from her property, to get to our fence.
It's the edge of our property and OUR fence.

f0stercarer · 30/05/2020 08:36

@ListeningQuietly

Last time i checked the light came from the sun which is up in the sky not at ground level. Go and look more. The sun does this pesky thing of moving and at 51 degrees N in winter it rarely rises much above the angle of a 6 foot fence on a normal width garden

go outside and look a LOT more

you are funny. whilst a shadow might be cast at certain times of year that does not halve the LIGHT in the garden. If that were the case then there would be no light inside a house for instance.
Fairybatman · 30/05/2020 08:45

Giving your neighbours the “good side” is nothing to do with it looking nicer, it’s because you need the posts and rails on your side to maintain them.

If it’s panels it doesn’t really matter, you just lift them out.

The post side is great if you grow a lot of plants as you fix baskets to it.

HorseChestnutTree · 30/05/2020 14:22

why would anybody buy a house with an existing garden if they do not want to be part of the landscape

I invite you to come and live a while next to my NDN, then you will understand why we installed the highest fences possible.

We also have a small piece of fencing inside our boundary. The tiny strip of land beyond it still belongs to us, our neighbour cannot just claim it, we still own it. The laws for adverse possession are complicated but mainly would not be easy to apply in a residential, occupied house.

DoBestIKnow · 30/05/2020 17:33

You have to give the attractive side to the neighbours because you're responsible for your fence, its supporting posts (are they unattractive?) and the upkeep of the fence. And you probably don't want someone else minding your supports.

Hopoindown31 · 30/05/2020 17:40

Lot of people getting worked up by this. Perhaps neighbour is an arsehole or perhaps they are just pissed of because OP wasn't neighbourly and gave the courtesy of informing them first like most decent people would have done. Our neighbours recent installed a fence entirely at their cost which was actually fantastic but they still called round to let us know that it was happening and to check we were okay with it. It is called being a good neighbour and isn't about following rules or laws.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 30/05/2020 17:51

Don't give him the attractive side - it's not on your boundary, it's in your garden. If he wants a pretty fence he can buy his own!

Griselda1 · 30/05/2020 17:52

If his hedge grows he won't really see your fence anyway. Your child will also grow up and need a secure garden so I don't see the issue

erniepigy · 30/05/2020 17:54

It would have been friendlier and polite to let them know before just doing it but you could always drop a note in and say you are sorry you didn’t think to mention it first.
Generally again, it’s always been the custom to have the struts of the fence on your side, actually makes it easier if you intend fitting wires or trellis to grow things up.
People don’t like change but they’ll get used to it

lindyloo57 · 30/05/2020 18:07

Can ask why do the neighbour get the nicest side when it is paid for bye the other person, I never heard this before, we had to fench our back garden all round, cost a quite a bit of money, I would of been happy if one of my neighbours would of put a fench up.

michmum · 30/05/2020 18:11

I dont see any harm in having a fence especially as your child grows. Your neighbour will probably appreciate it when toddler runs in their garden to pick their flowers for mummy. Maybe i would have mentioned it but still i wouldnt fall out with a neighbour because they are fencing!
I had similar problem about parking with one of my neighbours. He said he was going to get a petition as i had too many vehicles. Had 3 at time and im on a larger corner plot. Anyhow no other neighbour complained when i asked around. However as he was my neighbour i didn't want to fall out with him so i sent him a lovely xmas card probably 3 months after event. He seemed ok with me then 🙂

verybritishproblems · 30/05/2020 18:12
  • This place is nuts. Just put the fence up OP, it's a normal thing to do. Everyone does it. You are allowed and you don't have to ask your NDN.*

This ^^

Happyher · 30/05/2020 18:38

Better that you didn’t speak to him first as he may have put you off if he reacted the same. There’s no need to and it’s your property. I’m all for privacy in my garden and he will probably learn to like the privacy it gives him. He obviously likes being able to see into others gardens but why should you have that intrusion. Just remain polite and friendly if possible. If he doesn’t like the look he can grow his hedge higher