Neighbour just scolded my husband for building a fence. AIBU for being angry?

[LindyMoe]

We're building a fence on our land for privacy in the garden. There is currently a hedge about waist high the neighbour has grown between gardens, but we would like privacy especially with my newborn.

He questioned my husband, demanding a reason for the fence but given it's on our land and we're sacrificing garden space to be away from his hedge, I'm quite shocked. He said we dont need one, that it's not pretty and that we haven't given him the attractive side. My husband said we're allowed to build what we want within regulation... it's a fence!

He then stormed off and said goodbye to being neighbourly.

In this time of worry and stress its making me quite anxious and I'm worried he will try and cause problems for us.

AIBU to be angry about this? I wanted to be friendly but honestly dont think we've done anything wrong.

Sigh

traditionally (in England) the person who owns the boundary and so beats the cost of the fencing gets the ‘pretty’ side and the neighbour gets the less attractive one. It’s not a legal requirement, just the way things are usually done.

You don’t have to tell him first, it’s just a polite thing to do. And giving him the attractive side is rubbish

Since when did you give the better side to the neighbours? You pay for it! We have the best side facing us. As do my parents and my partners parents. Why would you pay for something and have the ugly side?

I’m currently putting up a fence. My elderly neighbour is 200 miles away living with her daughter, unlikely to return, likely to sell the house.

I have texted her relatives and shown them photographs of what we are doing. I’ve been into her garden to check how it looks from her side. I’m not entirely happy, so I’ll be asking our gardener to make it better on her side, even though i think she will never see it again.

She’s not getting the ‘best’ side of the fence!

Initially you can do what you want, so long as the fence is within your boundary, and does not infringe local authority height regulations.
At some future date you may want to paint or treat your fence.
Your side, no problem.
You will need his permission to paint from his side, or let it rot.
Mend your fences now (pun intended), talk your reasons for the fence through and try and get him onside.

Some of these responses are absurd.

Your neighbour was incredibly rude to you today. Like hell would I be apologising or giving them the good side of the fence. However, I like good relations with neighbours so would remain civil/friendly but if it was brought up again I'd have to say something like "Were you quite alright that day, because you really were quite rude. I'm sure you didn't mean to be so I've assumed it was just lockdown fever".

Also, be aware that there are legal ramifications of where you put a fence. You may be losing a chunk of your land, whether this matters may well depend on how wide the hedge is and how wide your garden is. Wouldn't be concerned if it was a few inches off a large garden but a foot off a 10foot garden is certainly more to think about.

I can't actually believe people give their neighbours the good side! If I'm paying for it in full then damn right I'm having whichever side I want! Also it sounds like the fence is on your land and you've lost some garden. Therefore it's not a shared fence! Keep the good side facing you! Forget the neighbour.

Lindy, have a look at gardenlaw.co.uk

It's the website I always recommend for garden disputes, after I found it when my neighbour was trying to block our right of way.

Haven’t RTFT but since when do you have to give the neighbour the ‘good side’ of a fence YOU are paying for and putting up in YOUR land? Sod that!
Courtesy to let neighbour know but not compulsory.

YANBU but I guess if you are on friendly speaking terms with your neighbour, it might have been polite to mention it beforehand.

Your points are valid and he didn't need to react to the extent he did.

It seems on Mumsnet that good friends do NOT good neighbours make. But everywhere else? Build 'em high. Well, 6 foot is usually the permitted.

What a shower of shite; I think the only "learned etiquette" here OP is to not even think about appeasing bullies like your neighbour. Its a bog standard 6 foot garden fence not a scale model of the Taj Mahal with car park.

I mean "good FENCES do not good neighbours make ..." etc - bugger!

No one says you have to , but it’s considered good manners. Avoids silly neighbour disputes escalating etc.
Not everything needs to be agressive.

barnardfencing.co.uk/news/fence-etiquette-gets-good-side-fence/

I’d be nice to him to see if it was a one off, but very prepared to stand my ground and coolly ignore him from him on as he has very much overreacted. A waist high hedge doesn’t cut it for me, and the op has kindly taken the land from their backyard rather than cause an issue. I’d still have told him beforehand as i do think that’s polite. I was horrified when there were men in our shared backyard in one london flat fencing in one couples area right outside our window and they hadn’t let us know.
But bugger giving him the attractive side if no one else has after that little tantrum. He’s probably nuts anyway and there will be no pleasing him.

FFS stop with the etiquette crap. The only etiquette is that you own the fence to the left side of your garden and therefore the neighbour on the right owns that side.

Utterly untrue, @SunshineCake. It all depends what it says on the deeds. Left as you go outside is not true in all cases.

I wouldn’t hesitate to put in a 6 feet fence. We did so when we got got puppies, the original fence was a 2 feet high wire fence. That obviously wouldn’t work for bouncy large dogs. I spoke to the neighbour, but tbh, I‘d have done it even if she’d objected. I didn’t want the dogs jumping over (she did!). The neighbour might object, but it’s within your rights to have 6 feet fences all round, as we do.

You are perfectly entitled to put up a 6 foot fence, (either side facing). A waist high hedge would not be enough privacy for me either. He does not get to say what you need. You are paying for the fence and it is on your land so he will have to put up with it.

Every house on the place I live owns the left side fence.

Why would anyone buy a fence and erect a fence and NOT have the better or attractive side on their own??? You pay a fortune for others to have the nice side???
The neighbours can erect their own fence with the attractive side on faving their gardens ffs!

Oh goodness! I am gobsmacked and my previous post has so many errors!

I think as half of the fence is hidden by his hedge and you've paid for it you keep the nice side. if the hedge keeps growing he'll hardly see it.

We highered the fence with wire, our dog kept jumping over all the neighbours fences, our immediate neighbour did complain immediately about how it was like living in a prison,
but i grew honeysuckle and roses up the fence, it was lovely.

Where I live in our row of houses we all own the right hand side. So definitely check deeds before assuming you own the left.

I think you are right to leave things. Sometimes people struggle with change especially if they have lived there a long time. Give things time to cool down.

I think with the fence side, either is ok.

you should have consulted/informed - to be polite. - there is no 'should have'. If the fence is entirely on her land, she can do what she likes on it. 'Should she ' not Put up a shed - in case it removes NDN's view of her roses?

And as for 'removes the light from his garden' - no it doesn't. She doesn't need planning permission to put up a 6' fence; and NDN has no 'right to light' in his garden.

Don't give an inch, OP. He sounds like one of those who demands a finger in everyone's business. Your fence, your property, he can fuck off.