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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour just scolded my husband for building a fence. AIBU for being angry?

335 replies

LindyMoe · 29/05/2020 18:54

We're building a fence on our land for privacy in the garden. There is currently a hedge about waist high the neighbour has grown between gardens, but we would like privacy especially with my newborn.

He questioned my husband, demanding a reason for the fence but given it's on our land and we're sacrificing garden space to be away from his hedge, I'm quite shocked. He said we dont need one, that it's not pretty and that we haven't given him the attractive side. My husband said we're allowed to build what we want within regulation... it's a fence!

He then stormed off and said goodbye to being neighbourly.

In this time of worry and stress its making me quite anxious and I'm worried he will try and cause problems for us.

AIBU to be angry about this? I wanted to be friendly but honestly dont think we've done anything wrong.

Sigh

OP posts:
Original poster
LindyMoe · 30/05/2020 18:46

As a final note the neighbour made a comment today in the garden and made sure we heard:

'They obviously want their privacy, they will be alone all alone. So that's what they'll get'

Well... guess that's that then! Smile

OP posts:
Vexed80 · 30/05/2020 18:49

If I moved into a house with only a hedge and no dividing fence, then I would be putting one straight up!!! You pay the mortgage and the bills. You don't have to consult anyone if you want privacy in your own garden!! If the hedge is thick enough to have been used as a divider then the neighbour shouldn't be able to see much of the fence anyway 🤷 You have a new baby to think about, don't worry about anything else!!! Sending love, hugs and privacy vibes 😉

EvilPea · 30/05/2020 18:49

Slightly off topic. But please make sure you put hedgehog holes in. They roam for miles and by putting the holes in they can avoid the roads. Especially if there used to be a hedge they would be used to free reign between the two.

3cats · 30/05/2020 18:50

'They obviously want their privacy, they will be alone all alone. So that's what they'll get'

Oh, god. What utter arseholes.

Cocobean30 · 30/05/2020 18:59

I’m baffled that so many posters on here feel entitled to look in to their neighbours gardens and have beliefs in enforced neighbourly chats Hmm you can still be neighbourly with a 6 foot fence. You could have cut down the half of the hedge on your land and installed a fence right on the boundary, but you didn’t. If he gives you attitude again then remind him of that.

Notenoughchocolateomg · 30/05/2020 19:00

You don't have to give him the good side fgs. Why the hell would you pay good money on a nice new fence and give the best bit to the neighbour? It's none of his business at all. I wouldn't tell my neighbour because he's the sort that would take it as me asking his permission. You're doing absolutely nothing wrong OP.

ToftyAC · 30/05/2020 19:17

Ffs OP! It’s a fence. It’s your land and you can build a bloody fence within regulations if you wish. And no you don’t have to give the neighbours the “good” side. It’s your fence, your land. Your neighbour has been a bit of a drama llama imho. And no, you don’t have to tell them or ask permission. Some of the comments on this thread are unbelievable. YANBU and your neighbour is an arse. Probably a good thing to know for the future.

paddingtonbearsmarmalade · 30/05/2020 19:22

Our neighbour recently put a fence up on his side of our boundary wall. We’ve had issues with him before anyway because he’s a bit of an arsehole with 0 concept of being neighbourly or legal land boundaries (ironically). He’s entirely entitled to put up the fence assuming his landlord has given permission, but it would have been polite if he’d let us know he was going to do it 🤷🏻‍♀️ That said, I wouldn’t at all have expected him to ask our permission to do so - just it would have been neighbourly for him to tell us it was happening, rather than a fence suddenly appearing with no prior knowledge. It’s worked in our favour though because now I don’t feel uncomfortable in our garden, and we don’t need to studiously ignore each other Grin

paddingtonbearsmarmalade · 30/05/2020 19:23

The “good side” thing is bizarre though?!

pinktaxi · 30/05/2020 19:25

He's an arse. Put your fence up any way you like. Put the nice side to yourselves. He can't sue you for how you face your fence!

PanamaPattie · 30/05/2020 19:31

Why is it polite to tell your neighbour you are putting up a fence?

sueelleker · 30/05/2020 19:33

I'd only tell him if we needed access to his garden to install it. If it's all on your land he can mind his own business.

Motherofasleepaphobe · 30/05/2020 19:36

You absolutely DONT have to tell him first OP and every single fence in our garden has us seeing the crap side (was like that when we bought it) so don’t worry about that

I would absolutely hate having a garden with no fence, especially with DC

Theoldwrinkley · 30/05/2020 19:52

I thought that the ‘nice’ side should be put to face the neighbour. I think this is for a boundary, maybe, and OP says it is all on their land. But be aware that neighbour may well take out hedge, and insist that new fence is the boundary. This happened to us in a roundabout way.
But I also can’tunderstand this obsession with privacy with a baby. Privacy in general, ok. But why does a newborn make a difference?
I think her hubby should have at least mentioned his intentions to the neighbour.

PinkSpring · 30/05/2020 19:54

Whoever pays for the fence gets the good side, do not listen to the crap about it's the "done thing" to give your neighbour the good side, it's rubbish. It's not law and it's not something you have to do. When we replaced the crappy fences we had, we paid for them so we got the good side - no way am I spending all that money to give my neighbours the good side of the fence.

Also, if it's on your boundary you can put a fence up and you do not have to consult your neighbour. He doesn't have a right to a view of your garden. I would crack on and just ignore him, after this relations will be strained anyway. I wouldn't be trying to please him after his outburst.

msflibble · 30/05/2020 19:55

I'm baffled as to why anyone wouldn't understand why OP might want privacy. What if you want to sunbathe topless in your garden? What if you just don't much like everything you do in your garden being essentially public?

If he doesn't like the look of the fence he can grow his hedge up to its height. There's no need to give you a hard time.

GabsAlot · 30/05/2020 20:04

you dont have to tell him anything-i got the cheapest fence i could afford its my garden i'll do what i like so should you

Anydreamwilldo12 · 30/05/2020 20:15

Well there you go OP, neighbour has just confirmed what an arse he is. Enjoy the nice side of your new privacy fence.

Catwaving · 30/05/2020 20:20

Please, please, please leave a gap at the bottom for hedgehogs, (some fence companies are more clued up than others)

Rosecottage888 · 30/05/2020 20:27

I wouldn't be giving up the nice side of the fence either!

Vinomummyinlockdown · 30/05/2020 20:27

Well you might be nice and give them the attractive side but as someone who tried hard to be nice to her neighbours and it got me nowhere I’d say screw that to consulting with them etc!! It often gets you nowhere and like us you might just get 100000 demands put upon you!

Abilala92 · 30/05/2020 20:30

Your neighbour sounds like a twat, I’m guessing he’s probably lived in that row of houses the longest therefore thinks he’s the ‘boss’ I have one too.
He’s rude! Your building a fence in your own garden not even on the boundary, tell him to mind his own and keep the nice side you payed for the bloody thing! He’s got his hedge!

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 30/05/2020 20:40

I don’t think it would have even mattered if you did go and speak to him first to let him know your plans. I think he’d still have been an arse about it anyway. I have 3 boys and a waist high hedge would be an opportunity to escape and jump into it. As for privacy, I like my neighbours but every time you’re out in the gardens at the same time as them you always get involved in conversations that you probably wouldn’t have all day long without. I used to have a neighbour that cane out every time I opened my door, even if it was only to put rubbish out. So I agree, I would want the privacy too, nothing wrong with wanting a private haven. It’s your land and your choice.

MintyMabel · 30/05/2020 20:46

The expectation is that you give the attractive side to your neighbours.

Nonsense. It’s their fence.

TakemetoGreeceplease · 30/05/2020 21:11

But why does a newborn make a difference?

Maybe she wants to sit with her tits out in the garden breastfeeding, who knows? OP doesn't have to explain to us or her neighbour why she wants privacy. I'm astounded at some of these replies and glad I have normal neighbours who all equally enjoy privacy and 6ft fences.