I've never seen Titanic. I want spoilers. Wrong answers only, please.

[TwatCat]

Ok so I have seen it, but AIBU to ask you for spoilers?
Wrong answers only though please!

YABU

The iceberg melts before they hit it, and they make it to New York just fine, in time for Labour Day weekend.

It’s about a ship that hits an iceberg. But due to the heroic efforts of Leonardo DiCaprio, the ship is saved, and no-one dies.

A real feel-good movie, with no unnecessary sentimentality.

She saved him

Leonardo takes off all his clothes.

Rose dies. Jack survives.
There’s definitely only room for one on the door.

All of the songs are good, but the synchro swimming routine is the best.

I haven't seen the movie either, but my friend told me that her friend told her that his friend told him that the ship was badly damaged but everybody was safe once they arrived on Mars.

It’s a tale about some old boat. Told through the medium of Irish dancing.

And don't worry, he got the girl in the end.

Oh and when someone says “I’ll never let you go” they don’t “let go” two seconds afterward

There's this giant shark....

YABU. Spoilers make your car look ridiculous.

The water was actually rather tepid and no one froze, they were all picked up by another cruise liner a few hours later, many passangers resembled raisins.

The rich people are the goodies.
Poor people don't know how to have a good time.
When you become VERY VERY old you might look back at a portrait of yourself as a young woman and deny that is what you looked like.

Jack is a terrible lover and Rose has to fake her orgasm to escape that sweaty car. He then pursues her relentlessly until she finally manages to steer the ship into an iceberg to get rid of the fucker.

Keanu Reeves plays Jack
Sandra Bullock plays Annie
They have to keep the boat at a certain speed or a bomb will go off
Dennis Hopper is the bad guy and watched them on CCTV

I haven't seen it but I've heard that all the Irish people had the best accommodation.

That’s the one with Jack Sparrow isn’t it? Sailing round the Caribbean looking for treasure. They find a necklace then it falls into the water at the end. And the bodies of all the drowned passengers walk back to New York on the bottom of the ocean.

All the actors with English accents are goodies.
Billy Zane fights a python.

Everything was ok because the wise captain had taken the ship on a test run to Barnard castle to make sure his eyesight was good enough to see any icebergs on the horizon.
They all made it safely to New York ... but it took the contagious.

Massive spoiler....it’s crap
and Bob Dylan wrote an even crapper song about it.

After the ship hits the iceberg, Jack and Rose escape in a boat. The waters become Dead Calm. They pick up Billy Zane who also survived the sinking of the Titanic. It all goes downhill from there.

Oh and they want to drag it up to trawl through the ruins....

Jack pursues Rose relentlessly through the film until it is revealed that she is actually gay and having an affair with her maid, Trudy. (The reason she tried to kill herself was because being gay was illegal in 1912, and she knew herself and Trudy could never be together).

Rose and Trudy escape together in a lifeboat at the end, and no one knows, or indeed cares, what happened to Jack.