I've never seen Titanic. I want spoilers. Wrong answers only, please.

[TwatCat]

Ok so I have seen it, but AIBU to ask you for spoilers?
Wrong answers only though please!

Kate Winslet gets soaking wet and catches a chill, at which point Willoughby enters from stage left, just dashing and gauche enough that you know he's a wrong un and you spend the rest of the film quietly rooting for Colonel Snape who tries not to run mad in a way that makes you weep for Rickman's untimely death.

And there's an irrepressible clown fish and his forgetful mate in a little animated interlude a la Mary Poppins.

The reason the ship hit the iceberg was because a Octopus was tricked by sharks to throw it in its path..he then helped hold the ship together so the passengers escape..k thats sort of spoiler for a completely bizzare version..

There also is a version with a rapping dog..

The boat sinks

Cal didn't die, he faked his death then ran off to be in show business and feature in Marilyn manson videos.

The scene where the aliens first attack is spectacular.

I saw it at the cinema and had to go out for two fag breaks. I gave up smoking a very long time ago.

There was an outbreak of coronavirus on board so were quarantined by an iceberg

Liam Neeson swears vengeance against the terrorists who have kidnapped Kate Winslett, and Bruce Willis storms the ship's bridge. Directed by John Woo, with Chow Yun Fat as Winslett's father (has a bit of a thing going on with her governess), and the fight scenes are spectacular - lots of shooting from both hips whilst diving backwards through plate glass windows.

Too soon?

No crockery was harmed in the making of this movie.

The ship is sailing to Mauritius and has a minor accident just off shore. The passengers all disembark and the story is about their madcap adventures in Mauritius. Jack paints Rose 'like one of his French girls' while she reclines on a sun lounger. Rumours of an iceberg are discovered to in fact be flock of plastic ducks that are circling the globe.

It's a "crossing the lines" love story between a rabbit and a flower.

They fall in love on a ship. The ship gets hit by a huge whale and the ship's captain vows to hunt the whale down leading to a sequel.

It's basically an expanded version of that shitty thing we had to do in swimming classes, where you have to wear pyjamas over your cossie and dive down to collect a brick or something.

Only the participants had to wear full early 20th century clothing (Advanced Class had to wear fur and big hats, Intermediates wore hospitality uniforms and Beginners wore whatever rags they could lay their hands on), they swam from opposite sides of the ocean (Team America was convinced they'd win)and they had to pick up and mend a broken boat.

The rowers got in the way.

It's shockingly inaccurate. The rearrangement of the deckchairs would simply never have followed that pattern in post-Edwardian Britain, and the servants would never have worn white gloves when doing so. I did rather like the scene where Leonardo is rogered by Maurice Fitz-Analeigh, but the scene with Kate and the frisky dolphin fails miserably. As for the last-minute rescue by Tom Cruise and the destruction of the alien mothership using flares and Kate's thong - terrible!

A group of people were locked up in a boat for a number of weeks, while everything was being filmed.
Because previous shows were somewhat dull, this time the production separated the teams in classes and, to keep stakes high, supplied a limited number of life boats.

The "watch for the iceberg" task didn't go too well mid trip and few contestants were indeed survivors.

Later productions decided that dumping contestants on an island was somewhat safer.

As it started to sink the crew and passengers lined up on the railings singing 'California won't you come...'.

Jack sparrow comes along- calls them all drunken fools, slaps them with a paddle and shows them how to really have a good time.

Rose doesn’t make it though, apparently only 3 million could fit on jack sparrows boat, not 3 million and one!

Rich girl is kidnapped by poor no-gooder for her diamonds, he has his wicked way with her. She drowns him to get away but is so ashamed she never sees her family or fiance again.

Re. the actual film, was I the only one who sat in the cinema silently screaming "just drown, you fuckers, and put the audience out of its misery"?

No you weren't, I managed to fall asleep.

I quote the tour guide at the Exhibition "Well, she was alright when she left Belfast"

Appart from it being on fire and not having enough life boats for the number of passengers, let alone crew.

Re. the actual film, was I the only one who sat in the cinema silently screaming "just drown, you fuckers, and put the audience out of its misery"?

Not seen it but I remember my mu listening to a radio play and me comming back from somewhere and saying, "has the bloody thing not sunk yet?"

The titanic gets a shipment of various cheeses and everyone has a picnic. Then they hit an iceberg but it's all fine because Rose's douche bag fiancee sells this massive blue diamond and buys them a new ship to sail off on.
Also Jack pisses everyone off as well as hes doing keto diet and has eaten all the cheese leftovers.

two of my young relatives died and two survived er, sorry no that ACTUALLY happened

The ship sinks and the passengers and crew flounder around in the not too cold water for a while. Luckily one of the passengers (Jack) is Aquaman (in disguise). He summons a load of dolphins and large Tunafish who carry the passengers and crew to New York on their backs. The passengers and crew are very happy and celebrate with a feast of tuna sandwiches. Aquaman is furious that the tuna have been eaten and stomps off back to the sea muttering under his breath.

It's about 30 mins long and doesn't drag at all

Jack was revealed to have a wooden leg which he used to keep him afloat. He managed to sail back to America where he started a hop-a-long baseball team.