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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not speaking to friend because she saw boyfriend.

232 replies

FeistyOne · 28/05/2020 19:43

A bit peed off with my friend. Her and her boyfriend live seperately but the past week have been visiting each other's houses and going on walks.
I think this is a bit hypocritical since from March until now she has been moaning that people need to follow lockdown so life can go back to normal.
I messaged her saying cant believe people are breaking lockdown and using cummings as an excuse and she said that the past week she has been going on walks and seeing him because she hasnt seen him for 3 months and couldnt cope any longer.

I think it's selfish. They live 20 minutes away from each other and risking things just because they miss each other

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 29/05/2020 03:31

You know, a lot of young adults are finding the joys of family life in the family home with parents and siblings are wearing thin.

The friend and her BF are both adults and they and their families are presumably comfortable with any risk involved in this.

Honestly, I think you should cut your friend some slack. Maybe ask her if living at home stresses her out. Maybe offer an apology?

understandmenow · 29/05/2020 06:35

Also the "I'm not not talking to her" is fucking ridiculous and like a PA aggressive ex of mine, every-time I did something he deemed "wrong", I wasn't spoken to for however many days he decided.

How is not talking to your friend helping out right the wrong, she made a decision that you didn't like, so you decide she mast be punished. Do you intend to speak to her again, when you see fit?

I hope you become an ex-friend.

AgentProvocateur · 29/05/2020 06:40

I’m glad you’re not my friend.

Herja · 29/05/2020 07:43

Fuck me. I'm also glad you're not my friend.

Jesus christ. Seriously? Fair enough have an opinion, but this is your friend. You'd genuinely stop speaking to a friend over this? Fuck it, you'd stop speaking to a friend in general because you're pissed off with them? Are you 12? Not talking to people is a solution?

I'd ditch any friend who 'stopped talking to me' as a punishment, on the grounds that they're pathetic and annoying. Wouldn't matter what for, my friends can explain their issue and we can talk it out, or they can piss right off. I'd not accept a sulking child not talking to me, let alone someone supposedly an adult.

celan · 29/05/2020 08:00

@DHMB20

I think some PP are trying to justify their own actions by having a pop

I think you're wrong, there. I have, as I said, broken the lockdown throughout, and have no desire to justify my actions.

I think some people are being ridiculous about how depressed they are

It was Mental Health Awareness Week last week. Every week should really be a Mental Health Awareness Week, if it would stop people saying things like this.

tttigress · 29/05/2020 08:02

I think this Lockdown has gone too far, it is turning friend against friend.

GarlicMonkey · 29/05/2020 08:17

I was laid in bed with my (non cohabiting partner) when the lockdown was announced & we've continued seeing each other throughout. 8 weeks with no income & children (1 of whom is Aspergers) to feed/care for/educate has taken an unprecedented amount of sacrifice & effort on my part. Would it give you some sick satisfaction knowing my kids & I had been deprived of the love & support of my partner too? You're no friend to that woman & she's better off without you.

Bathbedandbeyond · 29/05/2020 08:21

Your friend is lucky you aren’t talking to her, she needs to find better friends.

Dollywilde · 29/05/2020 08:26

Just adding my voice. You’re no friend to her and she deserves better mates than you. YABU.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 29/05/2020 08:27

Is this a joke or are you 13 ?

SpudsGuns · 29/05/2020 08:33

You're the type of person who I would cross the road to avoid OP.

Weebitawks · 29/05/2020 08:35

I can't even imagine a situation where my best friend and I would stop talking to eachother because we disagreed with what the other did

krispycreme · 29/05/2020 08:45

Have a read up on the guidelines, she's allowed to go for a walk with her boyfriend.
Can you also really not see that VE celebrations rubbing shoulders with the whole street is very very different to meeting up with one other person.
You sound very childish to now be ignoring your friend.

DHMB20 · 29/05/2020 08:46

@celan I said ‘some PP’, obviously the ones who have some semblance of a conscience- which clearly you do not. As for MH, that’s a can of worms I am definitely not going to open up.

celan · 29/05/2020 08:53

@DHMB20 No, I have no conscience about having made a sensible and reasonable decision which put nobody at all at risk.

MrMeeseekscando · 29/05/2020 08:55

I think some people are being ridiculous about how depressed they are

Nice minimising there... Hmm

Drivingdownthe101 · 29/05/2020 08:57

I think some people are being ridiculous about how depressed they are

Yeah, I reckon those who have committed suicide due to lack of MH support during lockdown were just ‘being ridiculous’

Hmm
Rabblemum · 29/05/2020 09:15

Please have some empathy.

TechGinny · 29/05/2020 09:17

Yes, I have a 'friend' like you, who has stopped speaking to me because I asked her to stop her rants about people breaking lockdown... her negativity is utterly draining. It's very easy to sit on your high horse when you have your husband and kids at home and you get all your shopping delivered to you (not due to them being vulnerable, they got lucky with a particular grocery delivery company), as she does. She's incapable of seeing the bigger picture and appreciating that some adults are capable of making reasonable risk assessments, just like you OP.

I consider myself better off for her absence, I really do. I'm sure your friend will be feeling the same.

DHMB20 · 29/05/2020 10:03

@MrMeeseekscando
@Drivingdownthe101
Again, ‘some people’. Obviously loads of legitimate MH issues because of lockdown.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 29/05/2020 10:11

There's a lot to say about the difference between the UK lockdown and the one we have (or more like had really) here in Denmark, but I think the best thing they did here was announcing very early on that boyfriends/girlfriends should still meet up and (with delightful Scandinavian bluntness) have sex, as long as it wasn't endangering shielded people.

Megatron · 29/05/2020 10:20

I'm shielding and have a vulnerable child, we have 'done' lockdown as strictly as we can but even I think FFS can't you see that the risk they pose each other or anyone else is absolutely minuscule? You have your partner, you're ok. Why can't you be a supportive friend?

MrMeeseekscando · 29/05/2020 10:22

If it wasn't for my interfering nosy family I'd have stayed over at the boyfriend's already.

DHMB20 · 29/05/2020 10:50

Those of you talking about MH, what about the MH of OP? She has had a row with her friend and come on here for affirmation (presumably because she doesn’t have anyone in RL to discuss it with), and has now had to endure an absolute TORRENT of abuse. How do you think she’s feeling now? She hasn’t shagged her friend’s husband, she’s just had a row with her friend, and the ridiculous thing is that the friend you’re all defending so fiercely was the first one to complain about people breaking lockdown rules- the very thing you’re all saying OP is being small-minded about! The reason I posted was because I felt sorry for OP and how she was being treated, thereby looking out for her MH.

Also, the existence of Mental Health Awareness Week, various helplines, TV adverts, news coverage, the Cambridges getting involved etc. means that there are lots of resources available for people struggling with their MH, whether due to lockdown or not. Can people not try to take advantage of these resources before flouting rules and putting others at risk? And being a bit down because you haven’t seen your partner for a few weeks doesn’t constitute depression anyway. I’ve given birth to my long-awaited first baby during lockdown and none of my family or friends have been able to meet her- the only people my daughter has ever seen in several weeks of her life so far are myself, my partner and health workers. It’s affecting me, but I’m not clinically depressed. The virus is no one's fault (not EVEN Boris Johnson’s!) and it would be far better to work together.

Fluffybutter · 29/05/2020 11:54

@DHMB20 Very dramatic..
You can feel sorry for op all you like but that is not the point of AIBU.
She was being unfair and people told her so.