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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not speaking to friend because she saw boyfriend.

232 replies

FeistyOne · 28/05/2020 19:43

A bit peed off with my friend. Her and her boyfriend live seperately but the past week have been visiting each other's houses and going on walks.
I think this is a bit hypocritical since from March until now she has been moaning that people need to follow lockdown so life can go back to normal.
I messaged her saying cant believe people are breaking lockdown and using cummings as an excuse and she said that the past week she has been going on walks and seeing him because she hasnt seen him for 3 months and couldnt cope any longer.

I think it's selfish. They live 20 minutes away from each other and risking things just because they miss each other

OP posts:
peperethecat · 28/05/2020 22:03

You are being very unreasonable. The last couple of months have been horrendous for couples who live separately, and understandably, they can't take it anymore. A young healthy couple meeting up are not going to make any difference to the transmission rates, but it will make a huge difference to both their mental health.

Have some empathy for your friend, FFS.

Runningmyfeetoff · 28/05/2020 22:06

So my fiancée and I live together, but he works around 2 hours away in the week so has a room that he crashes in at a shared house for 2-3 nights a week when deadlines get crazy.

He's been part of the building effort for the virus, think hospitals, morgues etc so technically a key worker

He still comes home because this is his registered home, we live together, we pay the mortgage together, it's just sometimes it's a lot of travel after a 12 hour day.

If you were my friend would you stop talking to me? Because not everything is black and white and not everyone's circumstances are as simple as yours.

Rabblemum · 28/05/2020 22:07

Absolutely, the implementations of no physical touch for mental health are terrible.

Thisdressneedspockets · 28/05/2020 22:14

So, as many people were, she was worried that people breaking the rules would mean lockdown would last longer. She understandably wanted people to stick to the rules, herself included.

However people's expectations of lockdown has changed. It was never going to be released all at once as many people imagined.

With this new understanding, having followed the rules for all these months, she's made the pragmatic decision to resume her relationship with her partner and you're willing to lose her friendship over it?

I don't understand.

HollowTalk · 28/05/2020 22:21

I can't see why their two households can't be treated as one.

rayoflightboy · 28/05/2020 22:32

I dont think this went the way the op hoped.

Peoples mental health is shot to pieces.If this keeps your [ex]friend sane,then who are you to judge

SebandAlice · 28/05/2020 22:36

The lockdown is ending. It was never the intention to keep it going indefinitely. At 24 she has more chance of being in a car accident than catching Covid. Well done her for staying away from her boyfriend up to now.

Original poster
FeistyOne · 28/05/2020 22:47

I just found her to be hypocritical, a month ago she was moaning about people gathering for VE day and how she's worried this will prolong things and now she's going on walks and i doubt theyre staying 2m apart!!
I count myself lucky that i live with my boyfriend during these times but we're all sacrificing not seeing family and friends. If we can't see our parents, why should she be an exception and see her boyfriend?

OP posts:
DrFoxtrot · 28/05/2020 22:53

You consider seeing your parents similar to the intimacy you'd have with a partner? Confused

I'm not sure it's worth you trying to understand any further, I don't think you'd get it. You're not alone in that, a lot of people have no understanding of how the lockdown is affecting others in different situations.

YABU

Redleathertrousers · 28/05/2020 22:58

YABVVVVVU. But don't worry she won't want to be your friend anymore.

Haffiana · 28/05/2020 22:59

Yeah, you have a good old sulk at her OP. How very DARE she, without your express approval.

Mascotte · 28/05/2020 22:59

Would you really compare your parents to your partner...? Why do you live with him, not them?

PickAChew · 28/05/2020 23:00

They are allowed on walks.

They present no more risk to the wider public by meeting up than if they lived together.

Hadjab · 28/05/2020 23:05

If we can't see our parents, why should she be an exception and see her boyfriend?

But you are allowed to see your parents - you can meet them in the park, and from Monday, they can come and sit in your garden.

You should probably draw a line under this friendship, I can’t see how she’s benefitting in any way.

84claire84 · 28/05/2020 23:08

You sound like a complete first class knob.

Concentrate on your own life and leave your friend alone

HesterShaw1 · 28/05/2020 23:08

Let me spell it out OP.

Unless you are very unusual, you don't want to be physically intimate with your parents.

People have told you and shown you why YABU. Yet here you are, clinging stubbornly to your silly opinion.

RibenaMonsoon · 28/05/2020 23:12

You say you doubt that they are 2 metres apart but that's just an assumption. For all you know shes abiding by the rules. Yet you aren't speaking to her.

It all sounds a bit childish to be honest.

ellabella18 · 28/05/2020 23:15

I completely disagree with everyone on this thread! YANBU op!

We have been shielding now for 13 weeks as has my grandma who is completely alone and has stuck to the rules! This person who lives with her family, is not alone and presumably not in a high risk group should be sticking to the rules to protect others! If everyone decided to break lockdown think what would happen! The nature of this virus means we all have had to make sacrifices, the OP's friend is no exception!!

Perhaps you would all take a different view if you were in high risk groups, I can't believe the attitude you all have!

SpillTheTeaa · 28/05/2020 23:17

I sense A LOT of jealously from you. You were quite liking her missing her boyfriend and probably chatting to you more, eh? You're pissed off because she won't be so down now.
You are that friend who loves to see their friend down. If she has any sense she'd bin you right off.

SpillTheTeaa · 28/05/2020 23:19

Perhaps you would all take a different view if you were in high risk groups, I can't believe the attitude you all have!

Also been shielding as partner is high risk. The fact is OP doesn't know they didn't keep their 2m. She's putting her beak in where it doesn't belong. Her attitude stinks. She needs FACTS not opinions!

Needamanicure · 28/05/2020 23:20

Looking at your last reply OP you really don't get it do you (why people feel YOU are being unreasonable and not her)...

Not much of a 'friend' are you!

Destroyedpeople · 28/05/2020 23:23

You really don't need that many exclamation marks to make your point !!

Your granny sticking to 'the rules ' isn't really the issue! !!

This person here is talking about a person here as a 'friend' when she patently isn't! !!

A person who has had her partner with her for the duration is begrudging her so-called friend one day of company and now isn't talking to her....!!!

Way to go!!!

MotheringShites · 28/05/2020 23:23

I have a feeling you won’t need to worry about this friendship anymore OP.

ellabella18 · 28/05/2020 23:27

@Destroyedpeople

I probably didn't need that many exclamation marks but perhaps it highlights how exasperated I've become with people who fail to see the bigger picture as you have yet again.

This isn't just about the op's friend breaking the rules and her personal circumstances, it's about the woman as a member of a collective society. Pure selfishness.

BirdieFriendReturns · 28/05/2020 23:29

ellabella18 - Sorry you have to shield for 6 months or a year but I personally don’t have to. I’m even allowed to sit in my mum’s garden from Monday! You not being able to do that has no bearing on my actions.