Anyone ever feel like a slave in their own house?

[MyMindsaBlank123]

Just this.
Spent over 3 hours this morning cleaning the house, usual stuff including hoovering, dusting, unstacking the dishwasher/restacking with dirty dishes, cleaning kitchen and bathrooms, general tidying, bed making etc. Also cleaned the oven and grill racks. Mopped floors. Had a quick lunch then straight out into the garden, spent another 3 hours of backbreaking digging/weeding and planting in clay soil, and filling/lugging 20 sacks of clay/rubble across the garden (just moved into a new build) until it can be taken to the dump.
DH cheerfully comes down from his office to ask what's for dinner. I could cheerfully have throttled him. Told him to make his own and the kids dinner. I go in after their dinner to find 1) dirty dishes left on the kitchen surfaces, not in the dishwasher which I tell them to do EVERY FUCKING DAY 2) recycling/manky yogurt pots left out, not taken to recycling area 3) dirty dishes in sink 4)dirty footprints all over the kitchen floor 5)empty food packets strewn across the kitchen 6) general untidiness and mess everywhere 7) bathroom towels chucked at the towel rail not folded over it.

Honestly, sometimes I just feel like crying, its a never ending battle and I repeat myself every day but it never sinks in. I wonder why I bother and I would go on strike but I know I could not live in a dirty/untidy house so I end up doing it anyway. I feel like a nagging witch and like a slave in my own house. Anyone else ever feel like this?

Mine are a bit younger but do set and clear the table and that kind of thing.

The only thing that works with mine is if they forget something I make them come back and do it immediately. If they complain they are subjected to a lengthy lecture about respecting my time and effort and the importance of cleaning up after themselves. It is so boring they will usually just do what I want to make it stop.

Boring lectures are my superpower.

It is depressing though, OP. I’m sorry it’s tough right now. The whole family should be doing more around the house. Maybe you can call a meeting and figure out what is realistic and acceptable for everyone.

It’s a load of shit isn’t it. That’s my life daily with lazy dh and kids even when i also work FT. Can’t wait till they all move out dh included

@Levatrice amen to that

Yes especially at the moment.

At the beginning of lockdown I declared that I was only cooking one meal a day (nothing on dh day off). They were all responsible for getting their own breakfast and lunches. They are similar ages (and slightly younger) and have mastered couscous, pasta, omelettes, wraps etc.

Clothes are washed if in washing machine (rather slack on separating clothes- generally only shirts washed separately). They all have to clear their own plates or they are called back. I have found that emptying the dishwasher every morning and leaving it open helps as then they are slightly more likely to stack it.

Once a week we divide into two teams and tidy communal areas. Their rooms are their own responsibility.

I do incidental cleaning, main meal, put washing on, hang out etc. Anyone dh who hoards clothes and brings down in one batch has to wash and dry them themselves.

With those ages they will be home until September probably so time to enforce changes now.

Oh and if I hear a question that starts off " Do you know where.. " or " have you seen.."

Just stop doing it.
I stopped cleaning my dc’s bathroom and bedrooms when they were mid teens.
I stopped washing their clothes when they left school.
I’m happy to do most of the cooking, but sometimes DH does it, other times I declare ‘fend for yourself night’.

The sky doesn’t fall in, promise.

If he's going to come over all 1950s traditional, gardening and shifting rubble is a man's job. Put your feet up and leave him to do all that sort of stuff.

Tbh I've stopped caring lol. It's always their anyways mop Hoover once a week a clean bathroom when kids r in shower much easier mop floor once a week

Oh and clothes are washed as they are presented, dried inside out and returned to collection point. When they want to wear them again they will figure out the right way. I showed them all where the iron was and how to iron a shirt when they started secondary, told them that if they ever want something ironed, they know where it is.

Your kids are definitely old enough to be responsible for their own laundry and dishes. It sounds like you’re being a bit of a martyr, if they ignore you what are the consequences?

@CornedBeef451, I’m a bit like you but my lectures end up being more ranty! Along the lines of ‘I’m not put on this planet to tidy up after you... do you not have functioning eyeballs’.. etc. To DH I tell him not to make me a drudge. He needs a nudge now and then - which is annoying - but he gets it.
I will call the DC down from upstairs (repeatedly if necessary) to tidy their things away. They now all make their own beds too (the younger one has help). Personal responsibility are buzz words in this house. I sound like a broken record but I refuse to tidy up after them. They make the mess, they tidy up - this goes for everything from toys, pens to crumbs, mugs etc. It can be stress-inducing at times but they have to learn.

I also tell my DC (all girls) that housework is not ‘women’s work’. And not to ever accept it.

It drives me mad. Dh isn’t untidy and does bits (bins, hangs out washing, cooks maybe once a week) but anything else is left. He’s wfh right now and doing his usual hours. I’m working part time but balancing it with three primary aged kids - two have complex Sen. And I’m still cleaning the bathrooms. My dh lived at home until he met me (early 20s and his mother ran around after him - should’ve been a red flag).

Well, if that were my house, their clothes would be left where dumped. No washing would be done till clothes were where they should be.

And same would go if clean clothes not put away

I would stand there after dinner and watch while the dishes went in the dishwasher and all clearing up done.

And the next time mess was left would be the last time I cooked for anyone till the mess was cleared.

From then on, they would be called to help with housework and cooking for some of each day. They can take it in turns.

No because I don't allow myself to be a housemaid/martyr. Leave the fucking dishes, don't do any laundry, let them live in their own filth for a few months, stop cooking.
If you do it all, all the time they will take you for granted and just expect you to carry on doing it.
Nobody has ever asked me what's for dinner because they wouldn't dare. I have better things to do than mop floors for the rest of my life.

Everyone needs their own washing basket and when it's full they wash it and hang it out to dry etc. Children of that age can definitely clean their own rooms. Like others have said only make one meal a day, I find life is easier if I prepare it a lunchtime for later.

Oh, and can't the garden wait till the weekend so you and DH can do it together?

And he can easily cook at least three meals a week. It's not like he's commuting.

My 17 and 19 yr old are filthy, we're doing some work on the house at present and the filth of their bedrooms is unbelievable.Things thrown under their bed and left to rot sort of filth. These are such unusual times that I'm trying not to stress and I'm doing a massive clear out while the work goes on, hoping it'll make life easier eventually.

You need to distribute tasks and enforce rules.

Your girls are more than old enough to be told their inside out and on the floor clothes aren’t getting washed. They can hang them out.

Your h can drag bags of crap across the garden, help with gardening, cook on alternate days and use the dishwasher.

Any crap on the kitchen floor results in an hour with no WiFi or data.

The kids are sloths, Dh is on remedial training with this 9wk debacle, .. I firmly believe they would live in grot and filth until the last cup/pair of clean cloths used... just yesterday I left £10 under the washing pile as an incentive (-bribe-) for taking their own folded washing,.. every pile untouched and walked past all f* day... they just don't care or can be arsed
.. they suck you dry of energy and live on expectations of a clean home and food prepared is on tap.. my only sanity is making bulk lasagna, and now salad and Bbqs.. shift the cooking to dh. saves some modicum of forever chained to the cooking cycle & they can eat it or starve.

its in the training, but swear i don't have the extra energy as it goes in one ear out the other ..

My DH asked me once why I always washed his shirts with one arm inside out. Couldn't I pull them the right way when I put them on the line...

They always went into the basket pulled the right way after that.

OP - are you me ? I do all this and currently working from home too. Fucking sick of it. My lot can't do a thing without me, can't make a decision without me and constantly call for me from various rooms around the house. I'm totally fucking sick of it. I'm having a sickie tomorrow to sit in my garden in the sun, do nothing, have a day off and leave them all to it