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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my boss is being unreasonable about hearing my kid in the background

173 replies

justgoingwithit · 28/05/2020 13:05

I apologise in advance if a similar thread on here has already been done on this topic of WFH.

I'm actually annoyed by a comment my manager/boss made this morning.

Our company put in notice and moved out of the office space just after lockdown began. We will now be working from home indefinitely. This obviously has its advantages and disadvantages but for me going to work was my chance to get out of the house. I'm a single mum and have a 5 year old and currently live with my parents to save enough for a deposit to buy a house. Its not the ideal situation but I'm trying to grin and bear with it for now.

I share a small cramped room with my child and have no space for a desk to properly work. Its not my house, its my parents' so rearranging their already small lounge for an office is not an option for me. I have been working from our bedroom and my daughter likes to hang out wherever I'm hanging out and this isn't a problem for me. I tend to move away briefly when I have to make a work call with a client. When my boss calls I usually don't feel I have to do that because he too has kids and obviously knows I have one and don't have my own place currently. He passed a comment today that it wasn't professional that my kid could be heard in the background. I told him that when I speak to clients I always move away from her or at least ask her to be quiet before I get on the phone.

I'm sorry if this turning into a rant but even though I'm working from home, I won't ignore my child and shut her out for 8 hours. I'm actually angry that they shut the offices for good. My boss has a massive house and has said I should consider working from his house a few days in the week which I am not keen on because this married boss of mine has made several indecent gestures towards me (sexual harassment) but it was resolved (sort of) but still not comfortable going to his. I have stayed with this company for 4 years because I enjoy the work and the pay is so good. AIBU to think he's being unfair to expect me to have a quiet environment to work in when he decided to close office? This wouldn't have been the case if I had been in the office. If I had an office to work from, I would go as childcare isn't an issue for me.

I'd also like to add that, despite this lockdown and no office space, I have gotten more contracts for the company since lockdown began and have been working as hard as I can.

OP posts:
Xenia · 28/05/2020 18:13

If your parents are at home to look after the little girl and given before you quite liked getting out of the house to work it might be a bit of a rest rather than a sex grope if you DID go to the house of the boss 2 days a week to work actually. Just make sure you wear steel knickers to fend him off and carry a hat pin.

LaurieMarlow · 28/05/2020 18:14

All you had to do was quote the whole point being made also

I'll help you ...

We are at our homes, during a crisis, trying to work. Expectations should be appropriate.

Devlesko · 28/05/2020 18:15

Other than those who WFH regularly, we are not "working from home". We are at our homes, during a crisis, trying to work. Expectations should be appropriate

What total and utter bollocks Grin
You are wfh if you are wfh, what else are you doing, for your salary.
Those normally wfh have the same issues with childcare and schools being closed, duh!

LaurieMarlow · 28/05/2020 18:16

Actually, you know what, having her kid in the background of calls is the very tip of the iceberg of the OP's employment issues.

listsandbudgets · 28/05/2020 18:17

I always like it when @Xenia is posting she has such an eloquent turn of phrase Grin

LaurieMarlow · 28/05/2020 18:18

Those normally wfh have the same issues with childcare and schools being closed, duh!

I am not really sure what the point of this comment is.

Has anyone suggested otherwise?

LaurieMarlow · 28/05/2020 18:19

Xenia can usually be relied upon to cut through with her own particular take on the situation.

MrsOfBebbanburg · 28/05/2020 18:20

Is everyone ignoring the fact that OP has childcare?

EggysMom · 28/05/2020 18:23

My employer allows you to WFH under normal circumstances if you don't routinely have children there who require your attention. During this crisis when there is no alternative childcare, they asked us to do the best that we can to WFH but acknowledge that it can be difficult. Hence be kind.

isabellerossignol · 28/05/2020 18:24

Is everyone ignoring the fact that OP has childcare?

I thought she meant that she normally had childcare, as in when she goes to the office. Didn't she say her parents work shifts?

LaurieMarlow · 28/05/2020 18:25

Hence be kind.

Lost on some of this lot.

I'm not quite sure what their solution is though. Lock the children in a cupboard?

EggysMom · 28/05/2020 18:31

@MrsOfBebbanburg

Is everyone ignoring the fact that OP has childcare?
That's a difficult situation - you are comparing the child being cared for by grandparents when the OP isn't there, to the same child not understanding that she has to be downstairs with grandparents whilst her Mummy is shut away in their bedroom.

My son has a mental age of about 2yo, and he has struggled with this for the last two days. Normally I would leave the house, and he knows Dad looks after him during school holidays until I get back. [Trying to write fast so don't pick up on terminology please!] Because I cannot go into the office, I've just had to lock myself away in the spare bedroom for two days - but my son knows I am in there and has alternated between knocking on the door, and playing with his toys just outside the door. Dad is downstairs, there is the whole house open to him, but because he knows "Mum is in that room" he wants to be with me.

So having childcare when you're not in the house, and having that same childcare when you're trying to shut yourself away in a room of that house, are two different situations for the child.

Kirstiesmith1234 · 28/05/2020 18:42

I've had exactly the same with work recently. I normally work from home, but with nursery closed I now have a just turned 2 year old at home with me. Partner is still working full time and 2yo isn't too fussed over partner, just wants mum. My work wanted total silence and didn't understand I couldn't lock a 2 year old away for 8 hours 5 days a week........ they've now agreed to some 'minimal' background noise! Noise isn't always 'minimal' but I've just given up with my works attitude and figured I'd do my best and if they want complete since they will have to support me to manage this in some reasonable way!

LouiseTrees · 28/05/2020 19:07

@Iamblossom thanks, it was meant to be!

changeitupagain · 28/05/2020 19:19

@LaurieMarlow

"Hence be kind.

Lost on some of this lot."

Lost on you plenty of the time to. I've been on a fair few threads where you're completely hostile to anyone who doesn't agree with you that working parents should be given every allowance under the sun and not be held accountable for anything because their children are more important. Having read your comments on a few threads it's clear you think everyone else should pick up the slack of parents no matter what and that you really lack in kindness yourself towards anyone who doesn't 100% agree with you.

NearlyGranny · 28/05/2020 19:37

Funny how dad's WfH always seem to get sacred work spaces and a buffer zone between them and the reality of their flesh and blood offspring. 😏

Tessabelle1 · 28/05/2020 19:44

Your boss is a creep, but if you're on the phone for work, your daughter shouldn't be hanging out in your room. Put the tv on in the lounge, give her a tablet to play on etc, but I agree with your boss, it's unprofessional to have your child in the background

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 28/05/2020 20:50

@justgoingwithit - OP, not sure how clouded your judgement is but when you say and have been working as hard as I can - i would question whether it is actually enough for THEM for your boss

If you take calls with your child being away / quiet why wouldnt you pass on this (basic) courtesy to your boss?

It sounds like you are scared of the thought of continuing working from home as you cannot provide the space for it and pass this frustration onto your boss. You need to find a professional way of dealing with it. Good luck! Flowers

Ontheboardwalk · 28/05/2020 21:43

Company I work for doesn’t like WFH and really doesn’t like WFH with childcare. They have absolutely changed their viewpoint during lockdown

At the start there were lots and lots of kids on internal team chats, I think it helped as they were getting used to these strange times as much as we were. This has now stopped

Appreciate your child is away when making client calls but how does your boss really know this as on your calls they are there. I wouldn’t have any interference on a call to my boss

I do love the suggestion of sending your parents round to his house

Coyoacan · 28/05/2020 22:14

So do people now have to have a spare room to turn into an office to be employable?
It may now be the new normal. Or put another way, it has always been the normal where I work - that to be employable you need childcare

Having childcare is completely different from having to rent or buy 3-bedroom house or flat when you only need two bedrooms, for example.

Rangoon · 28/05/2020 22:27

Can you use a headset to try to cut down background noise?

PickAChew · 28/05/2020 22:29

Ds2 regularly raids dh's pockets, looking for his phone, when he's on work calls. He has a load of timber arrive, this morning (unannounced) and one of his colleagues had a surprise large delivery, last week (it seems that timber merchants aren't so hot on delivery notifications, atm!)

Apart from the kids, this is no different to the regular interruptions in an office during informal chats between colleagues working on a project together.

He lets me know when he has client meetings scheduled and I give my full attention to making sure he is uninterrupted at those times, although it often means that I get nothing done. I'm sure OP's parents are also willing to do that much but not for the entire day, particularly if the child is young and not able to understand why mum is at home but too busy for such a long time, each day.

singingpinkmonkey · 28/05/2020 22:50

That's nothing! Today my husband forgot to mute his zoom call just as my 3 year old decided to pee all over the 'home office' carpet while I was trying to stop him screeching at the top of his voice. Christ knows what his colleagues must have thought. Your boss sounds very unreasonable!

Bflatmajorsharp · 28/05/2020 23:04

YANBU. Your boss is a creep - you're right not to want to go to his house, regardless of lock down rules which prevent you anyway.

And I totally get that even with your parents around, sometimes your child wants YOU. She knows that you're in the house, it's unreasonable to expect a 5 year old not to have any contact with their parent for a whole day when they're in the same house!

Has your boss supplied or funded an office desk/pc or laptop/headphones etc? If not, I would politely ask him to.

Get the best quality headphones with microphone that you can. They really cut down on background noise and give you much more freedom than having a phone held to your ear.

BoingBoingyBoing · 28/05/2020 23:05

As long as people wfh are getting the work done, it doesn't matter if a kid is shock in the same room making a bit of noise.

I had a call yesterday with my manager which was interrupted by my son showing off his new shoes. She spent 5 minutes asking him about them and putting the meeting on hold because she is not a total dick and understands that things are not quite normal at the moment. The OP isn't working from home by choice.

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