AIBU to think my boss is being unreasonable about hearing my kid in the background

[justgoingwithit]

I apologise in advance if a similar thread on here has already been done on this topic of WFH.

I'm actually annoyed by a comment my manager/boss made this morning.

Our company put in notice and moved out of the office space just after lockdown began. We will now be working from home indefinitely. This obviously has its advantages and disadvantages but for me going to work was my chance to get out of the house. I'm a single mum and have a 5 year old and currently live with my parents to save enough for a deposit to buy a house. Its not the ideal situation but I'm trying to grin and bear with it for now.

I share a small cramped room with my child and have no space for a desk to properly work. Its not my house, its my parents' so rearranging their already small lounge for an office is not an option for me. I have been working from our bedroom and my daughter likes to hang out wherever I'm hanging out and this isn't a problem for me. I tend to move away briefly when I have to make a work call with a client. When my boss calls I usually don't feel I have to do that because he too has kids and obviously knows I have one and don't have my own place currently. He passed a comment today that it wasn't professional that my kid could be heard in the background. I told him that when I speak to clients I always move away from her or at least ask her to be quiet before I get on the phone.

I'm sorry if this turning into a rant but even though I'm working from home, I won't ignore my child and shut her out for 8 hours. I'm actually angry that they shut the offices for good. My boss has a massive house and has said I should consider working from his house a few days in the week which I am not keen on because this married boss of mine has made several indecent gestures towards me (sexual harassment) but it was resolved (sort of) but still not comfortable going to his. I have stayed with this company for 4 years because I enjoy the work and the pay is so good. AIBU to think he's being unfair to expect me to have a quiet environment to work in when he decided to close office? This wouldn't have been the case if I had been in the office. If I had an office to work from, I would go as childcare isn't an issue for me.

I'd also like to add that, despite this lockdown and no office space, I have gotten more contracts for the company since lockdown began and have been working as hard as I can.

If it's actually when you are talking to your boss or clients then it isn't acceptable. If not then it's fine.

Your boss is a privileged tosser by the sounds of it.

He knows your current situation re housing, they removed the offices, were in lockdown hence everyone is doing things they wouldn’t usually....

If it‘s a one off comment just regarding client calls then Id be tempted to mark it up to him just being an arse. Which it sounds like he really is.

I would not go anywhere near his home - they got rid of the offices and made it home working. You’re working at your home, don’t entertain conversations about his house.

whilst it’s not ideal to have child at home when WFH - current situations make that almost impossible for most ppl hence why your manager making an issue out of it seems unreasonable

It's a bit of an assumption that the OPs parents are willing and/or able to provide all day childcare.

In normal circumstances yes, of course, your child would be in childcare of some sort whilst you work. But these are not normal times and people can't magic their children away.

Remind him that this does not happen when you are on calls with clients and that your recent work has shown that you are in fact working very effectively. Ask him to schedule calls with you if he requires a confidential professional call without your child in the room so that you can arrange childcare for her.

Hang on to the well paying job for now, get references from clients, keep track of your achievements and get another job as soon as you have sorted your mortgage out.

Is there shared office space near you? Once lockdown ends, could you request that the company funds a desk for you, since they want you to be away from your kid but are no longer providing an office? Or if your budget allows, you could consider whether it's worth paying for yourself.

Surprised by some of the responses here - it is utterly normal and accepted at the moment across all levels of my organisation and any clients and suppliers I interact with that almost no one has childcare in place (we are not key workers) and therefore for those with younger children there will be noise and disruption at times - pretty standard for people to just excuse themselves and go on mute for a few moments to deal with something going on and then come back to the call. Not sure what else people with young children are supposed to do (for reference I am not one of those people so have no skin in the game here!)

As you said yourself, childcare isn't an issue for you, perhaps you should use it

My DS has crashed a few team meetings. Everyone just says hello to him, I give him a hug send him back to DH and we carry on. If it's a meeting with external people I let DH know and he keeps DS away, this obviously takes some extra effort.

My work is fine with this, because we all have things that aren't perfect in this situation and we're all making the effort to make it work and do what needs doing.

@louisetrees LOL that was funny 😆

'Yes. For me it's a major downside of the decision to close the office.'

Stony faced.

Oh and the sexual harrassment? If the 'resolution' was one which was publicly done - eg you complained, he apologised or whatever - then I'd have no problem in simply bringing it up, why wouldn't you?

'Unfortunately working from your home wouldn't be possible due to previous sexual harassment, as you know. A shame really! But there you are. Anyway, if you want to look at the documents I just sent over...'

Why not? He'd certainly get the message that you are not to be fucked with.

I would agree with him if these would be normal times and the child would be at school or other childcare. Then yes, it is not professional to have a child in the background unless it is an emergency.

But, these are not normal times. The majority of us manage to juggle around one or more children and trying to work. Not everyone has a perfect set up with a spare room. I have a four bedroom house. It still work in the dining room as a second office wasn’t planned and our actual one is not big enough for two people. We Re now rearranging the guest bedroom but only because my employer pays towards furniture.

I often hear my colleague’s children. I also had an external call when I heard suddenly “I need a wee wee” in the background. This other party on the line was a high paid lawyer but still, nursery closed and childminder only for key workers.

Regarding the personal problem, I wouldn’t touch him with a beanpole and actually look for a new job.

The OP makes it clear that there isn't an "office space". I doubt her contract requires her to provide one, this is up to the employer. You can't physically make an office if you don't have enough rooms (privilege on flagrant display by some posters on here).

Funny how some people think that all people working from home make loads of money.

Not privileged by any means.i don't even earn the average wage and the only reason we're able to afford to rent our current place is because my sister is living with us. And then my desk is squeezed into our dining room. In our old place, the desk was squeezed into the bedroom.

An office space can be a tiny desk with a small chair. if you don't have a good setup, you'll end up with backache or something.

@UnfinishedSymphon

It sounds like an excuse so he can get you working from his house. Personally, I'd be looking for another job!

Agree. I don't think this has anything at all to do with chld noise and everything to do with finding an excuse to get you into his home.

@justgoingwithit would you be able to afford /have the space for this with an under bed box for you equipment in the evenings/weekends?

We have kids, DHs, dogs, delivery men and all sorts on our work calls these days! Unless it's a particularly serious call (unusual), no-one minds. We're all in the same boat, though some of us have a bigger boat, with a few more spare cabins than others.

@justgoingwithit it’s £35 missed that out.

YABU to complain about him moving out of the office space, since that might be the only way the business can be kept afloat.

YABU to say that childcare isn't a problem, and that you could easily attend the office, but then imply that you have no choice but to have your child in the room with you.

YABU to suggest that he has got it easy due to his huge house, when you don't know everything about his own worries and difficulties.

YANBU to have your child occasionally give you a hug or say something, but if it is all the time then that is unprofessional and you need to make alternative arrangements.

If he's married, won't his wife be at the huge house he's asked you to work from too?

YANBU, I find this attitude so irritating, especially if you don't have enough room for a home office. My teenager is often asleep so I don't hear from him but I have a younger child who is quite chatty and doesn't really care if it's work time or not. She sees it as her home first and foremost and it is. I hate having to get her to be very quiet when my DH is on conference calls as they are quite frequent, I do ask teenage son to entertain her a bit on a game if I am working to but inevitably he gets bored and they argue.

Another example of how lockdown has fucked women by closing schools, reducing childcare options and making furlough/redundancy a possibility. As if women weren’t finding it hard enough.

You are not the only one OP, and I am angry that the government is not making more of this.

And then my desk is squeezed into our dining room. In our old place, the desk was squeezed into the bedroom.

Well, OP has made it clear that using the living areas is not an option, as it is not her house, and she shares her bedroom with her child. The issue isn't the space, as such, it is the presence of the child. Whilst the schools and childcare are shut I don't see the OP has many options. Hopefully, since her child is 5, her child will be able to return to school soon.

Your boss is ridiculous

Most companies don’t allow working and child cate at the same time, for obvious reasons. yes, in NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES!

We are in the middle of a pandemic, not on lockdown as such but with restrictions, and.. the schools are closed for non-key workers.

Now is the time when it's acceptable to see a child's head or a cat during a zoom meeting. Because everybody is in the same boat, and offices are closed. Nearly everybody is understanding, because there's not other option at the moment.

Apart from looking for another job, there's not much you can do unfortunately. That in itself is very risky in the beginning of a recession, you are a bit safer after your 4 years in the company. Your child will go back to school when the schools reopen, what else can you do.

Uselesstwatmagnet
Another example of how lockdown has fucked women

why women? Do you think women are working whilst all men are on furlough?

We have been told time and time again not to worry if our children are making noise in the background, that things are stressful enough as they are trying to WFH whilst looking after children and not to put more stress on ourselves trying to get them to stay quiet.
For important calls I try to step outside to limit the background noise.
But I have been on calls with Males and females across Europe, and children can be heard in the background everywhere, even in really important meetings.

I think everyone both in my team and DH's team have seen or heard everyone's dogs!

I was in an important meeting the other day and one of the men on there was obviously shooing his children out of his office.

It is the new normal.

If he wanted staff to work in silence in a professional setting he should have kept office space available! And not in his house!!

My 5 year old often appears on my team meetings with colleagues, everyone waves to him. He sat on my lap today eating a fab lolly 😳 he doesn't interject or speak up and just likes seeing everyone's faces. He's lonely! He is a only child and I'm a single mum, DS needs social interaction as much as me. My manager even asked him before how his day was going 😂 we then had to listen to a ten minute tail about his dinosaur.

We are a team of women, who have all had or have young children though, so maybe that's the difference.