Close friend seriously upsets my wife

[SeekingandGivingGoodAdvice]

My friend recently upset my wife by openly criticising her career choices. At the time it seemed more a matter of friendly banter to me - he often teases people this way - but she has taken it to heart and no longer wants to see him. He is aware that he upset her, and is unsure of what to do. Has anyone any ideas on how to resolve such an issue?

Some are assuming OP is a man. Women have wives too. And male friends.

Apologize - yes.
Flowers - no.

Any apology needs to be from the position that he knows he upset her and he is truly sorry for that. If he can't do that, and I suspect he can't, then you need to not see him for a bit. You also need to tell him clearly that YOU think he stepped over the line and that you support your wife first.

Flowers will only emphasize that he thinks she's a sensitive and silly woman who can't take his poke at her professional career choices. If it had been a more personal dig e.g. she's fussy about you being messy etc. maybe this would work. But not in this situation.

Previous posting history suggests OP is a man.

Some are assuming OP is a man. Women have wives too. And male friends

Going on face value the OP is a man. A very rudimentary search corroborates this.

If OP ever comes back -support your wife FFS

Sorry, only read the first page, but "banter" is a red flag. It's mentioned in domestic abuse literature and it was zoomed in on by cafcass when the ex of my relative mentioned it.

Banter is usually code for being a nasty piece of work, but pretending it's a joke after the event.

And surprise surprise, the OP has not returned.

Indeed. Shouldn't have wasted time posting.

I used to have a mate who totally ignored my wife, wouldn't speak to her when he met us.
That is why he used to be a mate.
I wouldn't even acknowledge him now.

Some are assuming OP is a man. Women have wives too. And male friends

The advice remains the same lol- they need to apologise. Doesnt matter if the OP is a man or a woman, its deeply disrespectful for anyone to allow their "friend" to make unkind hurtful comments to their partner and not say anything.

When one person offends another person to the point where the first person does not want to be in the company of the second, isn't it obvious what needs to be done?

Ah “Banter”

The excuse and reasoning of the cowardly

OP has form for starting threads, then not returning.

I did wonder ...

@KatherineJaneway

OP has form for starting threads, then not returning.

I did wonder ...

Ditto...

Maybe OP can't respond to any replies because he is driving to Durham with his sick wife and his child...
or possibly testing his 👀by driving 30 miles to Barnard Castle with his family...

Sounds like my FIL.

Tell him he's a pratt, an arsehole, and make sure your wife doesn't have to suffer his presence anymore, keeping up any relationship you wish to have with said pratt under such conditions.

Aha, a hand grenade thread!

Your friend is a dick, banter and teasing, my arse, he's a bullying, negging bastard.

You want your wife to back down rather than backing her up against your cock of a mate so that makes you also a . . .

Do what Aruther Mullard would have done, a bunch of fives up his hooter would get the message across;!

My DH has a “friend” like this. He’s an utter idiot, thinks he’s God’s Gift to the World™️ - he knows more about things than you do, can’t shut up about his special diet/exercise regime and how wonderful his recent holiday was where (and I quote) even though he’d never been scuba diving before, no one could believe he was a novice and the instructors all told him HE should be an instructor, he was THAT good 🙄.

To me he is David Brent (down to the awful goatee and all!).

The difference in our situation is DH doesn’t allow any of the “banter” in my presence as he’s knows a) I do not find it amusing and b) I’m quite likely to tell his friend exactly what I think of him if he does.

Stand up for your wife and tell your “friend” to buck his ideas up.

"I'm sorry my honesty upset you"

I hate when people make a disparaging remark and then say 'I was only joking'.
Jokes are funny. Belittling people is not.

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

OP has form for starting threads, then not returning.

What a shame that this wasn't the first post!

OP has form for starting threads, then not returning Very annoying from an OP.

I don't know why but as soon as I read the OP's post I just knew there would be pages of no response - just a weird inclination from the way it was worded. Seems i was correct.. (what the fuck is the point of posting!)

Too many of these threads at the moment.

Banter is a get out of jail card for people who make offensive remarks (usually racist or sexist) and get called on them and try to use it to gaslight the person who was offended. Call a spade a spade. I wish people would see this for the bullshit it is.

Out of interest and not that it in any way excuses the bloke I'm curious to know what career choices she has made which he in any way thought it was appropriate to criticise?