Close friend seriously upsets my wife

[SeekingandGivingGoodAdvice]

My friend recently upset my wife by openly criticising her career choices. At the time it seemed more a matter of friendly banter to me - he often teases people this way - but she has taken it to heart and no longer wants to see him. He is aware that he upset her, and is unsure of what to do. Has anyone any ideas on how to resolve such an issue?

[JudyCoolibar]

"Banter" really is a very immature excuse for offensiveness. Tell your friend he needs to grow up, admit to your wife that he was an idiot, and apologise.

Have a good think about your own maturity, too, if you could not see for yourself what this was.

[YinMnBlue]

@SeekingandGivingGoodAdvice

Apologise.

Properly apologise.

None of these count:

I am sorry that you are upset
I am sorry that you took what I said the wrong way
I am sorry if what I said sounded upsetting
I am sorry you are upset but...
I didn't mean to....

This might help:

"I am sorry that I was out of order. I had no right to say those things and I was rude and insensitive and I am sorry"

And have a bloody think about so-called 'banter.

How fucking dare he?

And you should stick up for your wife.

[sawollya]

Her choice to dislike him. He has given her cause.

Maybe it is you sitting on the fence that really upsets her though.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"He is aware that he upset her, and is unsure of what to do."
Surely what he should do is obvious? He needs to offer a heartfelt apology for upsetting her. Not one of those sorry-if-you're-upset apologies, but a proper sorry-for-what-I-did one.

Why is he unsure of what to do?

"he often teases people this way"
Then he should grow the fuck up and stop being a knob. 'Teasing' is for 8-year-olds, not adults. And you should grow the fuck up too. Since you seem more concerned with your knobby mate and less for your wife.

[TangibleTuTu]

I am assuming this a reverse?

[Bella2020]

A grovelling apology to your wife would be a start. I can't believe you need to ask this!

[stayathomer]

I actually have to stand up for the friend here (depending on how badly he acted of course). I was once joking with a friend about her job and I later got a text message to say I had no respect for her and she was wondering were we actually friends because people didnt demean their friends' life choices the way I had. I nearly fell through the floor!! There is a chance OP's wife heard something that wasnt meant at all

[stayathomer]

Ps to be honest if this was the case of a woman's friend joking to a man and him saying he didnt want her coming over etc everyone would call him controlling and overreacting and jumping on him the way you're all doing to OP

[CorianderLord]

He sounds a rude cunt. He should apologise for being rude and horrible

[andyoldlabour]

If anyone upsets my DW, then they are finished, as Jack Byrne would have said - "You are out of the circle".
I consider my DW and I are a team, and if anyone attacks the team, they are going to get taken down - not physically obviously.
However that did happen once.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

@stayathomer - and what did you do when you got that text? Did you apologise profusely to your friend for saying something that had upset her, whether or not you meant to? or did you just consider that she was a bit of a snowflake and let her go?

As has been said, it's only a joke if both sides find it funny.

[Happynow001]

@highmarkingsnowbile
Aha, a hand grenade thread!

I learn something new on MN every day! 😁

[karalou2]

He could try apologising for a start! You really had to ask? Your poor wife with you pair if numpties in her life...

[pastagirl]

I hate it when people feel they have the right to pass comment on another's life but it especially grating when it is a man towards a women he does not know that well. I love this (make sure to turn on subtitles is brilliant)

[pastagirl]

Probably best to go to the start of the song........sorry my skills are average at best. Catchy too😁

[Choccylips]

Who does he think he is to critise your wife's choices in life. I don't think I would speak to him again either. Did you stand by and let him say it. Shameful.

[CallmeBadJanet]

1. Your "mate" needs to apologise. 2 Then he needs to suck up a taste of his own medicine dished out by your wife. 3. Then he needs to go to "How not to be a controlling knob jockey" school. Her choices are her own. Middle finger emoji. Boom, mic drop.

[Tedgy]

Is your wife a Tory councillor?

[jesst81]

@Tedgy

Is your wife a Tory councillor?

God , this made me laugh .

[lockdownbaker]

@powershowerforanhour 😂😂😂😂😂

[Choctimeout]

Ahhhh ‘banter’.

The buzzword of cunts everywhere.

[Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal]

He needs to not be a dick and say sorry and maybe you distance yourself from him

[Whycantibeapuppy]

Apologises, a big snivelling grovelling apology with a huge bunch of flowers, chocolates and wine! A big gesture will melt her heart ☺️

[Mittens030869]

I hate the defence that the person who has been upset ‘can’t take a joke’, it means that the joker hasn’t left the playground. There is a place for humour (my DH has a very dry sense of humour and regularly makes me laugh) but it’s only funny if it makes both people laugh, not if it puts the other person down.

The OP’s scenario sounds more like his mate crossed the line and should apologise. Otherwise, his wife doesn’t have to tolerate it just because it’s her husband’s mate.

[FelicisNox]

Your friend is a knob and so are you for starting a thread and running away.

Your wife has already dealt with him, you just don't like her choice but quess what? Your approval is not required.

He's in the wrong, he needs to apologise and so do you for being a spineless wimp.