OH wants me to pay for everything while he saves

[Moanyoldbugger]

I'm still getting paid from work and Selling press on nails as I'm a part time nail tech.OH is self employed so managed to get the grant for 1k. I have been paying for everything he has paid for the odd shop. He has his own savings with more in than mine. His grant is due in next week and he said the money is going straight in the savings and he's not spending it.

I'm starting to get pissed of and starting to hate him i have a lousy £300 in my savings. I brought the kids new clothes new car seats as they are things they desperately needed. He's going on about his birthday constantly and saying "I better get something good"

He wants me to pay for everything because I earn more but I've had enough!!

AIBU?

[mummmy2017]

What ever he declared as profit last year he is getting 1/3 if that.

[Redred2429]

Refuse to give him the money the bills are in his name he will quickly pay them

[RiggingGold]

v. funny Durg

[RiggingGold]

I mean funny, I wasn't being sarcastic.

[QueSera]

God this is depressing reading OP. Why are you with this man? He sounds absolutely vile.

[pooopypants]

Is he this selfish in all areas of his life?


He wants to cuddle etc after you've had a decent day's pay? He IS a cocklodger OP, he sounds vile.

[Moanyoldbugger]

Sorry everyone the house is rented in his name DD is his but DS is all he as ever known as dad as I met him soon after having DS.

We're not married either was supposed to be this year but Coronavirus saved me from that misery.

When I say he's not a real man for not providing I mean he makes no efforts he would quite happily not go back to work and have me work.

[peperethecat]

If your DS is only three and you met your partner after he was born, this isn't even a very long term relationship. I think in your position I would be trying to make a plan to move out on your own if possible.

[highmarkingsnowbile]

Is he saying he expects that to be reversed for the next 6 months or so? So you will pay all the bills and he will do all the childcare and housework?

Haahaa! He doesn't do those, either.

[tara66]

You are being treated very unfairly. Have a serious talk and tell him you want half his savings in you own bank account and you want him to pay half the expenses.

[MinnieMountain]

"I better get something good" or what? He'll leave you?

[CharmingB]

I'm another one calling BS on his grant income OP. He's entitled to the equivalent of 80% of his earnings for 3 months (capped at £2,500 per month), so to only get £1,000 in a grant means that he's saying he only earned £5,000 last year...

If the £1k is genuinely all he's getting but you know full well he's been earning more then he's clearly diddling the tax man as well as you.

Remind him that when "he was doing all the earning so you didn't have to" you looked after the children and the house so he could work so you're looking forward to having all the cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing done.

Be grateful for covid-19 OP - sounds like it's done you a favour in not marrying him. Can you claim any costs back for your wedding? Use it as a nice deposit for somewhere new?

Getting out of there sounds like you'll be better off financially and emotionally.

[Spillinteas]

You really really need to read ‘too bad too stay too good too leave’ - you can download it.

It was a game changer for me.

My friend is in the same situation as you and has been for the past ten years. She’s mentally unwell because of it but scared to leave because it might effect the kids. Do t waste your life like this. Your still young and can have a life.

[mummmy2017]

Sounds like you should be the one giving the issuing the warnings.
Shape up or ship out.

[ifonly4]

This is why I'm so glad, all our money goes into one pot. We spend what's needed and the rest (when we have some) is put into joint savings. No arguments.

[BeingKindIsFree]

My relative is a scaffolder. He's doing bits of work now. Your partner is taking the piss big time. Just stop transferring money to him.

[Sunflowersok]

His grant IS for household bills though. It’s living costs too. How selfish!

We have done the same we have lived off my wage as I was the one working (he’s self employed). And when the grant came through we realised that we did well without getting in debt so we have treated the grant as savings for the BOTH of us - it’s gone straight in to OUR savings for our first home - after he offered to pay me back for anything that we needed. Completely different approach there - we work as a team, your DP is incredibly selfish

[WeAllHaveWings]

Will never understand couple who allegedly love, trust and respect each other enough to share a home, bodily fluids and genes to make kids but it all falls to pieces when it comes to money and bank accounts.

[Jaxhog]

Unless I've misunderstood, I'm rather gobsmacked! HE owns the house, but you pay all the bills. I mean, why are you still with him?

[DishingOutDone]

So house is rented, you're not married, he's not paying for anything - so you could leave or tell him to go (your landlord may be willing to transfer tenancy) - if it was the former, if you had to go, do you have family or friends that could help you sort out a new rental? Has he built up savings whilst cocklodging with you? In which case he should either have money for a deposit for himself, or for you to move into a new rental.

Either way, surely it must be over?

[mummmy2017]

Since he pays the rent let him.
Do not pay any money this month.

[CelestialSpanking]

He's going on about his birthday constantly and saying "I better get something good"

I wouldn’t tolerate that attitude from a full grown adult even without the rest of it. He needs to pay his way or fuck off.

[AcrossthePond55]

So you have no legal or financial ties to this man. You work and obviously are making enough to run the household so likely you could afford to run a new one. In fact, you'll probably end up with more money to budget with since you won't be subsidizing or feeding him.

You need to realize that there is NO real reason to stay. He literally serves no purpose in your life. Well, unless he provides childcare to enable you to work. That might be an added expense for you, but again you probably waste enough money on him and his 'needs' to at least partially pay for childcare!

[SleepingStandingUp]

When I say he's not a real man for not providing I mean he makes no efforts he would quite happily not go back to work and have me work. sounds like you used to be SAHM, does that mean you weren't a real woman for stopping home whilst he we t to work?



Re the cf, if the bills come to 1000 and you usually pay half, pay 500-half the cost of the car seats and the shopping.
So if the car seats were 200 and the food shop was 200 pay him 300

[AcrossthePond55]

When I say he's not a real man for not providing I mean he makes no efforts he would quite happily not go back to work and have me work.

This would be fine if he would willingly shoulder the work of a SAHP. But something tells me that's not how he sees things.

My DH was off work (injury) for the better part of 2 years. He shouldered the full load. By the end of the 2 years I'd gotten a promotion that would have allowed him to remain a SAHP. He said no way, it was too much work!