OH wants me to pay for everything while he saves

[Moanyoldbugger]

I'm still getting paid from work and Selling press on nails as I'm a part time nail tech.OH is self employed so managed to get the grant for 1k. I have been paying for everything he has paid for the odd shop. He has his own savings with more in than mine. His grant is due in next week and he said the money is going straight in the savings and he's not spending it.

I'm starting to get pissed of and starting to hate him i have a lousy £300 in my savings. I brought the kids new clothes new car seats as they are things they desperately needed. He's going on about his birthday constantly and saying "I better get something good"

He wants me to pay for everything because I earn more but I've had enough!!

AIBU?

[Toilenstripes]

He’s got to go. You can do so much better.

[Whatsnewpussyhat]

The grant isn't savings, it's help to replace lost income.

[CoraPirbright]

That grant is for covering current costs, not for adding to his savings.

^^ This! He pays half or he doesn't get to eat or use the facilities!! And he moans about you working because he has the kids? What a prince! Get rid of him!

[Moanyoldbugger]

He brought the last shop because I went mad and said I'm not doing it again because i just paid for the car seats the day before.

The house is in his name I'm desperate to leave though! Now my nail business is taking off things are going to change after this lockdown as I have been heavy reliant on him for the past couple of years.

[bigchris]

Is he your kids dad? Because its not sounding like he is ?

[Windyatthebeach]

As you have no claim on the house it's you who needs savings if you plan to split...
I wish I had had a secret buggaring off fund... Took me 2 years to leave ex as I had no money of my own..

[LovingLola]

So it’s his house
Your money is spent on family bills
You are completely screwed over by him
Are the kids his?

[Truthpact]

House is in his name? Stop paying bills then. It's not your house. I'd pay for food and food only for you and the kids. And then find somewhere to live after this.

Transfer all bills into his name of they aren't. Cancel all direct debits if you have them. Let him get into debt. He's not going to pay much if any maintenance anyway, he'll always have an excuse. Sod him.

[MeninSuits]

There is no grant for £1000. If that is all he earns as self employed in a 3 month period he is either not really working or not declaring his income.

Ok- he is scaffolder who earns less than £100 a week?

[MyOwnSummer]

In some ways, there might be a silver lining if everything is in his name (mortgage / rent) and bills.

Just don't pay anything that's not in your name. Keep all your own wages except the bare minimum to buy food, and you should have enough to get a deposit on a new rental in a couple of months.

Easier said than done, but if you have paid more than your fair share over the last couple of months how can he argue with that?

You can play chicken with the bills that are in his name, and if he doesn't pay up then its his credit rating that will be affected not yours.

[ShebaShimmyShake]

Mean with money, mean with love.

[LannieDuck]

So, how are your finances organised? Are they completely separate? Do you normally both pay 50% of everything and do 50% chores? Or do you pay in proportion to earnings?

How has he been able to build up more savings than you have?

Why aren’t you on the mortgage?

[willowmelangell]

Ok the house is in his name. Who's name is on the bills?
Not that it makes any difference. He is a prize knob.
But if you were paying for say, his sport channel or phone or whatever, stop paying and say you can't afford it anymore.
It is great that you are becoming self supporting and self reliant. Keep those savings going.

[peperethecat]

Who pays the mortgage?

[Standrewsschool]

The grant is ‘family money’ not his money. It’s money in lieu of earnings.

I agree with the above about stopping any luxuries such as sports tv, phone bill etc.

If the savings were joint savings, then that woukdn’t be so bad, but he says it’s his savings.

[notalwaysalondoner]

Be clear that he pays for half of all bills - which is food, water, electric, gas, internet, and anything to do with the children (provided they are his children too). I’d suggest you agree that you can discuss this arrangement again in the event he LITERALLY runs out of money (including savings) but up until then he certainly can’t add to savings while you pay his share. Even if he’s paying the mortgage and you’re not, doesn’t exempt him, as he’s getting the equity in the house and you’re not. You could always offer to get put on the deeds (tenants in kind or tenants in common) and start contributing to the mortgage if he brings this up.

I’d suggest in future (with him or another DP) you clearly agree that you will each put the same amount in a joint account every month to avoid this kind of issue. Too many people sleepwalk into situations where one person pays for all of the kids stuff for example. It should be evenly split as you are a team. If one earns way way more than the other then after you are a stable couple you can always split stuff proportionately. But either way it shouldn’t be one of you is saving loads while the other barely saves at all.

[Ducklingfarm]

He makes you cringe that's the ick it's over for you it doesn't come back after that!

[Moanyoldbugger]

He pays all the bills I just transfer my money over so he can pay them. He told me he was getting a a grand I don't know if he's telling the truth or what.

Another thing that winds me up if I decline an order he gets angry with me. But I had lots coming in at once as I had an offer up so had to decline as it's lot of work. He goes in a huff with me saying I'm not bringing in enough "do you want to go on holiday this year" then I said to him I'm not? What about you, you haven't brought in a single penny. Then he will say I've looked after you for years while you stayed at home with the kids it's time for me to relax now 🙄

[MsSquiz]

He doesn't want to use his savings for bills? Then ask him exactly how he plans on paying his share of the bills! The grant is to cover loss of earnings so, grant = wages!

If he won't budge, stop transferring him money for the bills!

[LovingLola]

What age are the kids?

[ScarletFever]

Another thing that winds me up if I decline an order he gets angry with me. But I had lots coming in at once as I had an offer up so had to decline as it's lot of work.
can he do the orders?

but agree with the rest of this thread, when you are a family you pull together, not apart like he is

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Simple. Stop transferring any money to him. Tell him you've put it in your savings instead.

He'll have to pay the bills that are in his name. Where he finds the money is his problem.

[something2say]

I'd definitely leave him love.
Have the conversation, then go out.
While out, calculate the savings YOU are going to make.

[Patsypie]

Get rid! He's using you and treating you like a slave! Life is too short, dump him!

[ShebaShimmyShake]

Oh God get rid. He's horrible.