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AIBU?

OH wants me to pay for everything while he saves

169 replies

Moanyoldbugger · 28/05/2020 11:28

I'm still getting paid from work and Selling press on nails as I'm a part time nail tech.OH is self employed so managed to get the grant for 1k. I have been paying for everything he has paid for the odd shop. He has his own savings with more in than mine. His grant is due in next week and he said the money is going straight in the savings and he's not spending it.

I'm starting to get pissed of and starting to hate him i have a lousy £300 in my savings. I brought the kids new clothes new car seats as they are things they desperately needed. He's going on about his birthday constantly and saying "I better get something good"

He wants me to pay for everything because I earn more but I've had enough!!

AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

Mysa74 · 29/05/2020 20:43

Are you okay OP?

AcrossthePond55 · 29/05/2020 14:26

What's stopping you from leaving? Finances? Available rentals? Childcare? Pinpoint it, focus on solutions to it, and make a plan. Focus on the practicals. You'll be able to leave sooner than you think.

Don't get caught up in 'peripherals' like who gets the good china, what do I tell my parents/friends, and especially 'how will he survive/feel?'. He is no longer your responsibility, starting right here and right now.

B1rdbra1n · 29/05/2020 11:56

OP, you can leave but it's probably better to take your time and make a plan.
I hope you're ok and I hope the situation calms down💐

GabsAlot · 29/05/2020 11:53

someon hasnt been paying his tax-good luck op hope you get to leave soon

Reluctantbettlynch · 29/05/2020 00:47

Stop paying the bills, save it for a deposit and move out

RochelleGoyle · 28/05/2020 22:29

Honestly OP, it sounds like you need to find some time to have a good think about what you want. You're clearly unhappy and your partner sounds lousy. At least he's so oblivious you will probably be able to make your plans without him twigging! Lots of luck to you, you deserve a partner who pays his way and appreciates what you put into the relationship and household.

GabriellaMontez · 28/05/2020 22:24

I wished for years that my x would cycle into the canal. He didn't. It was hard to leave him. Stressful. But worth it.

Make some plans for your future without this lazy Waster. Stop paying rent.

QuestionMarkNow · 28/05/2020 21:50

And yes the SE grant is much more than that.

QuestionMarkNow · 28/05/2020 21:49

Lawyer. ASAP

Look at your financial position.
Stop paying as much in the pot. If he is the one who pays all the bills, then he will have to step up if you don’t.

Theukisgreatt · 28/05/2020 21:27

How much does he have in his savings, OP?

looselegs · 28/05/2020 21:17

There isn't a grant for £1000, it's based on earnings from the previous 3 years.
If he's applied for the self employed grant he probably would have had it by now- I applied on the 14th May and it was in my bank 4 days later

icansmellburningleaves · 28/05/2020 20:53

There’s no partnership going on here. You might as we’ll be without him And I’m not surprised you’re fed up with it. You deserve better.

Moondust001 · 28/05/2020 20:39

He's not your other half. More like about 2%. Savings are for crises. Not having any money is a crisis! He's a freeloader.

MulticolourMophead · 28/05/2020 20:35

OP, time to get your ducks in a row. I'm guessing he'd be unwilling to sign the tenancy over to you, but there's nothing stopping you from sorting out a new tenancy and taking the DC and living without him.

He sounds awful.

And I bet your argument was him still refusing to pay anything.

Moanyoldbugger · 28/05/2020 20:30

We've just had a big argument I wish I could just leave and never come back. I hate him so much!

OP posts:

JudyCoolibar · 28/05/2020 18:54

I feel like I've fell out of love with him he doesn't bring anything to my life anymore he isn't a real man

Tell him that.

Northernsoulgirl45 · 28/05/2020 18:54

mummmy2017

What ever he declared as profit last year he is getting 1/3 if that.

No it is based on average profit in the last 3 years. And you only get 3/12 or 25% of average annual profit less 20%

strugglingwithdeciding · 28/05/2020 18:33

Is he newly self employed as £1000 doesn't seem a lot from the scheme I thought it based on about 3 months worth of money ?? Scaffolder normally decent pay

B1rdbra1n · 28/05/2020 18:28

NO real reason to stay
think about all the extra housework he generates, how much of the washing/cooking/cleaning/shopping is generated by him!
He's dead weight

AcrossthePond55 · 28/05/2020 18:14

When I say he's not a real man for not providing I mean he makes no efforts he would quite happily not go back to work and have me work.

This would be fine if he would willingly shoulder the work of a SAHP. But something tells me that's not how he sees things.

My DH was off work (injury) for the better part of 2 years. He shouldered the full load. By the end of the 2 years I'd gotten a promotion that would have allowed him to remain a SAHP. He said no way, it was too much work!

SleepingStandingUp · 28/05/2020 18:13

When I say he's not a real man for not providing I mean he makes no efforts he would quite happily not go back to work and have me work. sounds like you used to be SAHM, does that mean you weren't a real woman for stopping home whilst he we t to work?

Re the cf, if the bills come to 1000 and you usually pay half, pay 500-half the cost of the car seats and the shopping.
So if the car seats were 200 and the food shop was 200 pay him 300

AcrossthePond55 · 28/05/2020 18:05

So you have no legal or financial ties to this man. You work and obviously are making enough to run the household so likely you could afford to run a new one. In fact, you'll probably end up with more money to budget with since you won't be subsidizing or feeding him.

You need to realize that there is NO real reason to stay. He literally serves no purpose in your life. Well, unless he provides childcare to enable you to work. That might be an added expense for you, but again you probably waste enough money on him and his 'needs' to at least partially pay for childcare!

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CelestialSpanking · 28/05/2020 16:34

He's going on about his birthday constantly and saying "I better get something good"

I wouldn’t tolerate that attitude from a full grown adult even without the rest of it. He needs to pay his way or fuck off.

mummmy2017 · 28/05/2020 16:29

Since he pays the rent let him.
Do not pay any money this month.

DishingOutDone · 28/05/2020 16:13

So house is rented, you're not married, he's not paying for anything - so you could leave or tell him to go (your landlord may be willing to transfer tenancy) - if it was the former, if you had to go, do you have family or friends that could help you sort out a new rental? Has he built up savings whilst cocklodging with you? In which case he should either have money for a deposit for himself, or for you to move into a new rental.

Either way, surely it must be over?

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