OH wants me to pay for everything while he saves

[Moanyoldbugger]

I'm still getting paid from work and Selling press on nails as I'm a part time nail tech.OH is self employed so managed to get the grant for 1k. I have been paying for everything he has paid for the odd shop. He has his own savings with more in than mine. His grant is due in next week and he said the money is going straight in the savings and he's not spending it.

I'm starting to get pissed of and starting to hate him i have a lousy £300 in my savings. I brought the kids new clothes new car seats as they are things they desperately needed. He's going on about his birthday constantly and saying "I better get something good"

He wants me to pay for everything because I earn more but I've had enough!!

AIBU?

[ZorbaTheHoarder]

He sounds like a real arse, OP.

Don't you think you will be a lot better off - in every way - without him?

[Truthpact]

Stop transferring money to him. What's he going to do, yell? Ignore him. Walk away and leave him to figure it out. You're paying a mortgage on a house that isn't yours.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Leave!

Is the house rented?

Just don't transfer the money. Use it for a deposit for your own place, and tell him he's on his own now. No matter as his nice savings pot will be there to cuddle.

He will drag you down.

[Standupthisisnotateaparty]

Then he will say I've looked after you for years while you stayed at home with the kids it's time for me to relax now

Eugh what a charmer. I feel sick after reading that.

[B1rdbra1n]

He only qualifies as a cock lodger if he's actually good at sex
A relationship needs to be mutually beneficial or there's no point
Would your life be better or worse without him?

[Onone]

Don’t send him any money,save it and leave

[B1rdbra1n]

I would just paint on a smile and humour him because if he thinks you're going to leave he might start working to limit your options
Make plans behind the scenes so that he can't work against you

[justasking111]

He is not getting a grand more like 10k

[Moanyoldbugger]

3 & 1 I design custom nails so no he can't he complained about taking them to the post office the other day and got in a fit because he couldn't even package them up properly.

In that case he's not even a cock lodger we don't even have sex.

Whenever I make a good amount of money thats the only time he's nice to me and wants a cuddle and a kiss.

[LouHotel]

So your paying his mortgage? I would use this as an opportunity and say you want your name on the house if your going to pay for it. Bet that changes his opinion real quick.

[HollowTalk]

I thought all the self employed grants were paid now. Everyone I know got it on the 15th May.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Is the house owned or rented?

[notapizzaeater]

I'd start getting everything in order and kick him into touch

[MyOwnSummer]

Yeah he's totally bullshitting about the amount he's getting. Can you get access to his accounts or paperwork to find out for sure? You'll need that info for CMS if you decide to split.

He wants you to cook, clean, care for the children, pay his rent/mortgage (which you are not on) AND make all the money for other bills and food?

LOL, no chance.

[Cocolapew]

My DD has been doing press on nails since the lockdown and it's very time consuming, her fingers are cut to pieces filing.
He's a dick, dump him and stop transferring him money

[Noshowlomo]

What a huge knob!!! You didn’t relax when you were looking after kids for years... and if that’s the case leave all the childcare stuff to him whilst he “relaxes”

[Dk20]

Was going to come on and say that's what we do here, I pay the (majority of) bills and he transfers money to savings BUT the savings account (for a mortgage) is in our joint names. The amount he saves monthly is around the same amount we spend on all our Bill's.
We separately both have small amounts in our current accounts and he would absolutely not be so selfish as to keep this to himself if the family needed something.

[damnthatanxiety]

tell him that once your savings are equal to his then you will consider how to split bills but until then, he is paying for everything - only fair

[Cleo22]

Are you sure he only got £1,000? If so it implies that he wasn't earning much - or not declaring all of it. Look at:- www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-a-grant-through-the-coronavirus-covid-19-self-employment-income-support-scheme

[Oldbutstillgotit]

Are you married ? If so is the house not a marital asset ? Are the DC his ?

[Teacher12345]

Stop transferring the money over to him! Transfer your bit and tell he will need to make up the shortfall as thats all you have. Put the rest in your savings so that you can leave him when you are ready!

[Cloudyapples]

Op stop sending him money for bills until he puts your name on the house.

[cupoftea84]

If he pays the bills could you only transfer him half? You know he's got the money to make the rest up.
Sounds like you're not married as you say OH, get what you need in order and move out if you can. Take advice on what you can claim, and got through CMS for maintenance.
You're not in love or even fancy him anymore so regardless of the rights and wrongs it sounds like you're done.

[MulticolourMophead]

I'll guarantee he's lying about the money, he just doesn't want to use it. My ex is the same, doesn't even pay child support.

He doesn't love you, he's using you.

Stop paying anything, other than for food and essentials for you and the DC. Build up your own savings, and use it to leave. Look into all the help available

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I'd just put in a word that him not taking care of you financially doesn't make him 'not a real man'. A lot of men are struggling with finances right now and they are still 'real men'.

But yours sounds like a right chancer. He's got you where he wants you, hasn't he? Stop paying the bills (or, as a pp said, put them into his name). He's got kids, he doesn't get to 'relax now'.