You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

CourtneyLurve

I've read that article you linked to. It is chilling!

Personally, I've never even re-homed a dog or cat (though I did have an aggressive dog euthanised many years ago, because I couldn't cope with the worry).

Touting a child - of any age - round social networking sites in the hope that someone will offer a good home is beyond vile. I hope that the Social/Children's services patrol these sites for ads like these, and intervene for the sake of the child - but I suspect that they are far to overworked.

What's to stop these children becoming victims of paedophile rings, or used as slave labour? What safeguards do they have? It's just horrible!

@Lockheart. Absolutely. But all the posters below who are slagging this family have no idea whether they’d be able to cope with it.

Saying that the family seem foolish to have looked to adopt in the first place and seemed massively out of their depth. I hope the boy is in a suitable place and with people to meet his needs. If he is then the family have done the absolute right thing rather than continuing with a damaging residential environment just so people don’t judge them.

Their fangirls are barely acknowledging this on YouTube, it’s all about the cute new baby now.

It all sounds awful, YouTube the scourge of children’s privacy.

There’s not much people can do other than unfollow them.

But surely if your child (biological or adopted) can no longer live in the family home, and there should be no shame in that, you're still their parent? The child is still a part of your family? They are talked about, visited (by their parents at least), included?

They are rightly judging them because they continued posting videos about their family pretending nothing had happened and then when questioned released a video full of crocodile tears and said he had been rehomed.

SM influencers in posting only the nice bits of their life shocker.

And you’re wrong, they’re judging her because the adoption broke down. Look at the language being used.

But surely if your child (biological or adopted) can no longer live in the family home, and there should be no shame in that, you're still their parent? The child is still a part of your family? They are talked about, visited (by their parents at least), included?

Here, yes, absolutely. No undoing an adoption order.

In the US, no idea. Look at the link CourtneyLurve posted earlier.

@Lockheart my brother is severely disabled and lives in a specialist care unit. He is still part of my family and has not been REHOMED. If this child needs full-time care then that is fine, but they have 'rehomed' their son to another family?! They would not do that with their own child!

Good post, @SimonJT.

I have never heard of this woman, and obviously if she raised money for herself on the back of this adoption and exploiting a vulnerable adoptee with additional needs, that is hugely unethical.

But having seen the pain of an extended family member who adopted a baby from a Russian orphanage (who was fully assessed by adoption services, is a realist and was as fully briefed as was possible on what she was embarking on) but whose daughter ended up having to live in residential care as her needs were far too much for the family to cope with, I am in no position to judge those who are unable to keep their adopted children living with them.

My child has never put me in hospital, attacked my other children, abused my pets, smeared shit on the walls, repeatedly tried to burn down the house etc. I have no capacity to understand what that would be like, and that my love and care weren't enough.

I gather this woman is American? In the UK and Ireland, as far as I am aware, this child would still be her child, even if he now lived in foster care or a residential setting, but in the US there are alarmingly cavalier forums whereby adopted children are handed on to a subsequent adopter -- I have no idea with what, if any, legal weight.

Bloody hell, thst poor child has been let down by so many people.

Last night I watched their video explaining it and I don't buy it! For weeks she's been uploading videos such as "what I eat in a day" videos as if nothing has happened then when finally confronted is crying about how awful it is and how sad they are! Wow!!!

Every previous video staring Huxley all the comments were about him. His childhood has now been plastered over YouTube and they're continuing to make lots of money off of him. It's bloody awful!!

I went back and watched the videos with him in... you can see her disdain towards him compared to the other children... and they duck taped his hands when he was thumb sucking!!! I'm so angry.

I have a child with severe autism and learning disabilities who.is non verbal.,it isn't a,walk in the park for biological parents either ,there is very little respite available ( non at present ) .

I did wonder why he went to school yet she home schooled her other children I think ?
As undesirable a situation as it is I suppose at least she recognised it and made a change? Poor little boy though

I just came to post a thread about this and found this one.
I am appalled. They needed support, not ‘rehoming’. He was matched with the wrong people, totally failed by those responsible.
The parents are despicable - would they give up one of their biological children if they acquired unforeseen additional needs? I’m assuming they were aware of some of these needs when they adopted him. It’s not good enough to ‘rehome’ him because they have decided they can’t cope. In other words - he doesn’t fit in with their insta perfect life anymore.
I’m sure he’s better off without them and gets the care he deserves.

I have a couple of thoughts about this.

1 - it flags a real issue with overseas adoptions - it's all a bit white saviour - assuming this child would be better off with a wealthy american family - very complex but it just seems so wrong.

2 - it shows that plastering your life all over the internet without much regard for your children is not a great idea.

The main issue is of course that this poor boy with apparently complex needs has had his life turned upside down twice now and will now be starting a very difficult process of forming attachments to whoever is looking after him now. Who knows how this will affect him in the long term as well as the devastating effect on their other children.

I hope their channels stop. I hope they stop trying to make their lives look so perfect. I am so sick of these families portraying these perfect existences. I admit I have watched and enjoyed some over the years but I feel like this is a wake up call. A reminder that these are real children with no real say in what gets put on the internet.

I understand that they would have been keeping quiet about it all for privacy and legal reasons but that does not mean you have to keep posting your usual peppy upbeat videos. Get off the internet, sort your lives out.

Rehomed him!

What a dreadful thing to say.

Why on earth does anyone follow 'influencers'..... seriously I cannot imagine following anyone, let alone someone like that. Strange world

Adoptions of older and "harder to place" children have a higher disruption rate than many people realise, up to 9% . It's a heart- breaking situation for all.

I did wonder why he went to school yet she home schooled her other children I think ?

I think it is awful what they did but it clearly isn't that hard to understand that home schooling is one think if the children don't have any developmental disabilities/autism and completely different issue if the child does. I have a NT child and one with ASD/learning diffs. I could never home school my disabled DD. Not because I love her less but because her educational needs are such, that I would not be able to meet them in my own four walls.

Oh yes I totally get that I have 2 home educated myself but from what I saw (and I may be wrong or have missed something) they didn’t even attempt it ? I can’t even put my finger on it just something seemed a bit odd if that makes sense almost that he was set apart immediately ?
It seems very complicated

I’d love to know if she would rehome any of her biological children if they had additional needs?

This does happen. Some parents find they can’t cope with additional needs and children go in to care. They shouldn’t be judged for it until you have walked in their shoes.

Similarly, some people choose to foster or adopt children with additional needs in the U.K. and they find they can’t cope. They shouldn’t be judged either.

This situation is a bit different because of the SM aspect of it and on the face of it, it sounds awful, until I know the full story I wouldn’t have a view on it. But it is worth bearing in mind that not all people are cut out to raise children with complex additional needs and comments generalising about people “rehoming” children are unnecessary.

I do suspect it’s one of those situations where unless you live that persons life 24/7 you just really dont know so it’s hard to judge them but easy to be shocked and ask questions it’s just we really don’t know everything plus it’s not helped by unfortunate phrasing and choice of words. ‘Rehome’ is just not the right thing to say

I watched vids with her and him. She treated him very poorly.

Obviously did it for likes but when it wasn't all wine and Roses and he wasn't Insta worthy she dumped him like last season's shoes. Despicable.

NotNow have you stopped watching? These people really would go away if people stopped following them.

Have you ever attempted to home educate a child with severe learning disabilities BDD? Because it's a completely different scenario. ,I don't home educate but my disabled child goes to a special school because it's the best place for him ,they are trained to teach and educate cant be innovative in a way I can't ,they do an amazing job .