You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

Also this. twitter.com/pissknk/status/1266189627217506306

That is child abuse, in plain sight. How have these 2 been able to make money from this ? They need to be bloody banned from social media.

Poor little boy.

I love the ‘join our family’ strap along the bottom of the screen (no thanks I have a crazy family of my own). I do think the poor child would have been crying and distraught then anyway (but why cut his hair so soon?) as his little world had just turned upside down.

If this family were from say Preston or Manchester in Britain there would be absolute uproar at this - but because they are rich, groomed, and speak well people don’t recognise it for what it is.

*@JeansNTees Here's the clip that made up my mind about their intentions with Huxley: www.instagram.com/p/CA8urtbFZN9/?utmsource=igembed&utmcampaign=embedvideowatchagain

Pushing away her autistic son when he tries to hug her, "I don't want a hug". She's cold. Her husband filmed that and they posted it. Poor, poor Huxley.*

This video made me really sad. I'm so happy and feel so lucky when my boy chooses to give me a hug and I would never refuse him one back. For an adopted child it's a big thing, he's choose to show her love and she rejected him. Not good.

Apparently, it’s actually not entirely uncommon for people in the US to informally “rehome” children via forums, Facebook groups and even Craigslist.

@ZoeCM thanks for the link. Funny that all the posters so worried about where Huxley is don't seem interested. It is very good that he is safe and there is no mystery about his whereabouts.

@Haworthia

Apparently, it’s actually not entirely uncommon for people in the US to informally “rehome” children via forums, Facebook groups and even Craigslist.

Hopefully the international attention this case has had will prompt those states where it is still legal to tighten up their child protection laws.

@1forsorrow

Many of us have acknowledged Huxley is not missing. There is zero indication that his emotional and mental well-being is safe. Information is - rightly - withheld due to confidentiality. This child was exploited on social media.
Rehoming a child is not like rehoming a dog.

@Haenow, really? Where, I must have missed a page.

There is zero indication that his emotional and mental well-being isn't safe. Information is confidential which is why conducting this sort of witch hunt without all the information isn't appropriate or necessary.

The authorities know where he is, if he wasn't safe there they'd move him. I still think this sort of abuse of a family that can't cope can end with other families being reluctant to admit they can't cope. Does anyone actually want that? A child being left in a failing situation due to families being shamed?

Most people aren't criticising them for being unable to cope, they're criticising them for getting rid of him like an unwanted puppy.

They're also getting a lot of criticism - quite rightly - so being so unprepared, ignoring advice, and exploiting him for money.

[ quote] There is zero indication that his emotional and mental well-being isn't safe. [/ quote]

I have to disagree. I would be astonished if Huxley's emotional and mental well-being were not damaged by his being rehomed for the third time in his short life (biological mother, foster parents, adoptive parents, new parents). The Stauffers' local children's services confirmed that they were not involved with the "rehoming". As other posters have pointed out, there is a genuine possibility that the Stauffers found Huxley's new family via Craigslist or another website.

I'm glad the police have confirmed Huxley's not missing, but that doesn't mean I'm not concerned for his welfare. And the Stauffers were more than happy for people to care about Huxley when they were profiting from him. They can't ask people to stop caring now.

^ Sorry for messing up the quotes (I don't know how to quote on this board! How are people doing it?).

@1forsorrow

This is being discussed in the worldwide media, not just MN.

We have no idea what Ohio Child Protective Services are doing. They said it was confidential. I don’t know and you don’t know.

Do you have experience of adoption and placement breakdowns? I have professional experience of it and I stated I understand it happens. There are ways to attempt to alleviate trauma to the child. What I’ve never seen is a family exploit a child for social media and rehome in the way they have. It’s disgusting.

This has shined a light on the despicable practice of informal rehoming of children. How anyone can defend that is quite astonishing.

^^ to add, I’m aware of the practice differences from country to country. However, I cannot condone this.

I'm very gald hes been located and relieved that authorities are investing the situation to ensure his best interests are the top priority. However anyone who thinks this wont emotionally damage him is deluded. The poor child's on his 3rd home and he's only just turned 5. He would have been undeniably much better off if they had left him with his foster family.

Sorry for messing up the quotes (I don't know how to quote on this board! How are people doing it?).

Click the 3 dots on the post you wish to quote and then select quote.

Thank you, @TinySleepThief!

I agree with the trust fund idea. He should see some of the revenue he's contributed to. That's only fair.

They haven't been great at all but the rehoming part was probably the best move following a string of bad moves. We don't want adopted children living with parents who don't want them.

No, I agree. Not that we can ever avoid all failed adoptions but the lack of insight and reckless attitude reflects really poorly on whoever prepared and approved them.

@0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h

I agree with the trust fund idea. He should see some of the revenue he's contributed to. That's only fair.

They haven't been great at all but the rehoming part was probably the best move following a string of bad moves. We don't want adopted children living with parents who don't want them.

How on earth can you believe that privately rehoming a child is a good move? Would you be happy to send your own child off to live with strangers with no oversight from social services or an adoption agency?

Of course you wouldn't. The best move in their situation would have been to get professional help, involve social workers, and find properly checked, suitable carers through official channels.

I agree, Tiny. He looked well cared for in the videos the Stauffers shared from when he was in foster care in China. They seemed sad to see him go, unlike his new family who were #livingourbestlife in Bali once he was out of their lives. I think that Youtube needs to change so that children whether adopted or not can have privacy. Adoptions don't always work out but rarely are the child's health issues filmed and shared as much as on youtube.

I would guess that parenting a child with additional needs as well as 3 more kids is a full time job - as is manufacturing a ‘myperfectlife’ for the camera. There is definitely a privacy issue for the children isn’t there?