You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

I know some states allow the rehoming but this imo is child trafficking what happens if the next set of carers can't cope with him will he be passed along with a wad of cash for their trouble?

It definitely sounds like a strange system in the US where these things are done by private (?) agencies and children can be shifted and shunted. A part of me did wonder if this child didn’t quite looks the ‘all America Hollywood family’ enough for them in their online photos. The ones I have seen have all been beautifully staged, lit, everyone dressed nicely, background, the other children smiling beautifully for the camera (I always wonder if they take a million shots to make sure everything is ‘perfect’).

I would much prefer a family, birth or adoptive, to admit they can't cope and seek help, whatever that might be. If admitting you can't cope means you have to be "punished" it could make it very dangerous for a vulnerable child.

It isn't the not coping that is the issue it is the dodgy adoption crowdfunding for therapy making money out of a disabled child then erasing him hoping "followers" wouldn't notice that is the problem.

Well you obviously know alot about their finances, I'd probably assume the money for his therapy was used for his therapy.

Perhaps the erasing him is because of judgemental people who would rather a child stays in a home that isn't coping rather than admitting there is a problem.

I hope they have used a reputable agency to make sure he goes to a good home that has the time and experience to deal with his issues but other than that I think the witch hunt about things like discouraging thumb sucking in a way that is quite normally recommended by health professionals or acknowledging that a family with several young children can't cope is unpleasant.

@Lordfrontpaw

It definitely sounds like a strange system in the US where these things are done by private (?) agencies and children can be shifted and shunted. A part of me did wonder if this child didn’t quite looks the ‘all America Hollywood family’ enough for them in their online photos. The ones I have seen have all been beautifully staged, lit, everyone dressed nicely, background, the other children smiling beautifully for the camera (I always wonder if they take a million shots to make sure everything is ‘perfect’).

I went to a kids birthday party before lockdown and the kids DM relit the candles on the cake four times so the birthday boy could continue blowing them out until she got the perfect shot. The birthday boy was fed up and just wanted to go play with his friends but she insisted, It was so depressing.

Going by her IG account they had the perfect day in reality she sat in her phone the entire time and ignored the kids unless she was taking a photo.

@1forsorrow

I would much prefer a family, birth or adoptive, to admit they can't cope and seek help, whatever that might be. If admitting you can't cope means you have to be "punished" it could make it very dangerous for a vulnerable child.

They didn't "seek help" though, did they?

Social services haven't been involved in this "rehoming".
The private adoption agency is saying it seems odd and aren't confirming they had any involvement.
The authorities are now looking for the child.

Adopting a child when you are aware they have developmental disabilities, have been strongly advised not to do so, are woefully underprepared AND THEN privately rehoming him like a puppy you've got sick off should absolutely be punished.

www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniemcneal/huxley-stauffer-youtube-adopted-investigation

Are we sure he has been adopted? I really hope he really is with a loving family who can meet his needs, but of this is the case then why can't the police locate him?

If he is with a family better equipped to help him that is a good thing. If he isn't well that sounds criminal but no one on here knows and there are plenty who sound like they will be condemning the adoptive mother even if she has found them the best family possible.

children get killed because families, birth or adoptive, can't cope and are too ashamed or embarrassed to admit they can't cope. How many people have read a thread like this and thought well I have to carry on, I can't give up. Will they crack one day? Does anyone care?

The child is the important one here and what is best for him not what alot of people who don't know him think.

@1forsorrow

If he is with a family better equipped to help him that is a good thing. If he isn't well that sounds criminal but no one on here knows and there are plenty who sound like they will be condemning the adoptive mother even if she has found them the best family possible.

children get killed because families, birth or adoptive, can't cope and are too ashamed or embarrassed to admit they can't cope. How many people have read a thread like this and thought well I have to carry on, I can't give up. Will they crack one day? Does anyone care?

The child is the important one here and what is best for him not what alot of people who don't know him think.

I would absolutely condemn any parents who just "found" a new family for their child to live with Doesn't matter if they got lucky and found a great family. There's a reason adoptions should involve social workers and police checks.

@WindsorBlues - yes yes! I see so many people (we live in a touristy area) posing like crazy, trying to create the 'perfect insta shot', pouting, chest out, chin up, back arched, front leg bent just so...

We were out for a walk last night and one poor woman nearly ended up in the lake as she perched on her bike (balanced on a low railing), with her feet on the handlebars, as she tried to seductively lick her icecream, pout, project her chest and flex her leg muscles. Her companion taking the shot stood there shouting directions.

I often wonder if anyone even looks at these pics and if the person in them actually looks at their surroundings when they are there and enjoy the moment.

Correct me if I'm wrong but it appears she has removed Huxleys pics from instagram but not the monetised videos of Huxley from YouTube!
So she is still getting money out of this poor child!

I hadn't really considered the possibility that Huxley may not even be alive anymore. Awful though it is, I hope the reason they can't tell the police his whereabouts is that they palmed him off on someone without even knowing their address (or the "new family" have moved since then and haven't left any contact details). The alternative is too disturbing.

The law in Ohio is ridiculous. If a parent kills their disabled child, what's to stop them from telling people they've simply "rehomed" him or her because they couldn't cope? If the Stauffers weren't semi-famous, would anyone even have contacted the police?

I would absolutely condemn any parents who just "found" a new family for their child to live with Well if that is the system where they live what do you expect them to do, turn up at social services in London?

In this case we don't know if Huxley is safe but what we do know is that a family refusing to admit they can't cope is a recipe for disaster.

Maybe the agency who arranged the adoption took him back.

That is by far the most likely scenario but much less interesting...

@1forsorrow

I would absolutely condemn any parents who just "found" a new family for their child to live with Well if that is the system where they live what do you expect them to do, turn up at social services in London?

In this case we don't know if Huxley is safe but what we do know is that a family refusing to admit they can't cope is a recipe for disaster.

No, I'd expect them to speak to social services in Ohio Or even the private agency they used to adopt him in the first place for a formal disruption. That's the system where they live.

Private rehoming of children/informal custody transfers might be legal in some states but that doesn't mean it's the only or best way to get help for a child.

Maybe the agency who arranged the adoption took him back.

Surely if that was true then there would be no need for law enforcement to try and find him as the agency would know where he was?

Well if that is the system where they live what do you expect them to do

It might hapen in some part of America but clearly given the involvement of the law and the fact they are working with other agencies to try and find this little boy its clearly not an everyday occurrence to just hand over a child without any checks or letting anyone else know what was happening or where tgey were going.

I'm doubtful it was their only option, if I was being cynical however I'd say it was the quickest option.

@Lordfrontpaw

Maybe the agency who arranged the adoption took him back.

Unfortunately that doesn't look likely:

"However, it is unclear who facilitated the transfer of Huxley to the new family and which, if any, state or adoption agencies were consulted. The Stauffers denied placing Huxley into the state foster care system.

Bret Crow, a spokesperson for the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services, referred BuzzFeed News to Franklin County Children Services when asked if Huxley was currently in Ohio state custody. Val Turner, a spokesperson for that agency, told BuzzFeed News that Huxley was not in its custody.

"The adoption for the Stauffer family is an international adoption, which does not involve our agency," Turner said, adding, "It appears that [Myka] made arrangements with an individual person, versus an agency."

The Stauffers did not return a request for comment asking to confirm which adoption agency they used to adopt Huxley from China in 2017, but Myka had previously stated on her YouTube channel the family used World Association for Parents and Children, or WACAP.

WACAP merged with Holt International Children's Services in 2019, and Susan Soonkeum Cox, the vice president for policy and external affairs for the organization, told BuzzFeed News the agency could not comment on whether it was involved in the Stauffer adoption. However, she said, in a general sense, the way the Stauffers went about this was unusual.

"Putting it on social media and describing it as 'We found another family.' Well, what does that mean?" Cox said. "Did they go through an agency? Was there another home study done on the other family? That part is highly unusual." "

Fortunately, the police have confirmed that Huxley is not missing. The investigation is ongoing.

@1forsorrow

What they’ve done is indefensible. Yes, adoptions break down and it’s very sad but it happens. When they break down, you work with the agency and/or social services to ensure the best possible transition. They couldn’t manage Huxley’s needs and it is abhorrent to condone them “choosing” his new family. They had no right to make that decision. There is an Ohio state department for child protection.

Here's the clip that made up my mind about their intentions with Huxley: www.instagram.com/p/CA8urtbFZN9/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=embed_video_watch_again

Pushing away her autistic son when he tries to hug her, "I don't want a hug". She's cold. Her husband filmed that and they posted it. Poor, poor Huxley.

Also the Without a Crystal Ball quotes from her former neighbours and friends. I really hope that Youtube is forced to change its policies over filming children for money. It's disgusting.