You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

Complete narcissist

In aware of that @Boulshired but there is a difference in residential care for children with disabilities which I know is a decision some parents have to make and I can't imagine it's an easy decision ,and just finding a new family

x2boys Unfortunately for some parents the only way to get residential is if they have money to fight, the other option is giving up parental responsibility, a new family is a possibility.

Fair enough @Boulshired and I know everything is a fight ,there's a school I want my son to go to which I think would suit his needs perfectly however it's not LEA so I know it's another bit fight ,I know some parents have to make heartbreak decision ,s about residential care my friend is contemplating it for her child ,but in this case it doesn't seem like the parents have the child's best interest at heart .

[quote vikingwife]@lyralalala I don’t disagree, but they may have intentionally deceived the agencies by lying with omission - they will have said their income comes from the husband’s job only (he had a job where they were eligible for a 10K stipend if you adopt so he was employed ) and I’m unsure how youtube pays content creators but I imagine for them it was one off payments, not a salary & they may have been able to avoid having to disclose their YouTubing.

Admittedly searching their names on google may have brought up their blogs/channels which would have shown them putting their kids on the internet.

The child was failed, however the deception this couple has showed make me inclined to think they deceived authorities or only provided favourable information in order to ensure their adoption application was approved.

They were rejected from all other countries so had every incentive to lie.[/quote]
I don't know if they deceived the authorities or not, but given the information that was freely available, such as the close age gap to the child in the family, it suggests to me that the child was failed by the authorities massively.

People lie. They lie about income, about the space in their homes, about their future plans and they over estimate their abilities. That's why the authorities have to be so scrupulous and so careful. That's their sole purpose; to help children find good homes. They utterly failed this child.

That said I still think that there needs to be caution with two elements of this story. The mother is getting the brunt of the stick and the father should be getting his fair share. He either played an equal part or enabled so he's equally culpable.

Also we shouldn't overly discourage parents who cannot cope with their child, or simply don't want their child, from saying so. The only person that would have suffered had this family been shamed into keeping the child is the child. We need to be careful that the outrage is pointed in the right direction so that the next child isn't kept by adoptive (or biological) parents for the wrong reason, because that just costs the child even more.

x2boys I have no sympathy for the parents but I am just mindful of the language, unfortunately the stigma around not being able to cope is hidden dirty secret and very emotive as for most people it is not imaginable until it is.

I do realise that @Boulshired and my intention was,nt to judge other special needs parents ,it's hard enough ,but other posters who have no idea what it's like to have a severely disabled child telling others not to judge these parents as they were not prepared for a child with such complex needs is particularly galling to me as the biological parent of a severely disabled child with very complex needs nobody is prepared .

x2boys I understand completely

Absolutely disgusting! I found another video that breaks this down so well. How evil can people be.

In articles that I read Myka had apparently said that before the adoption the child had a scan and the results were sent to her doctor who advised her not to adopt him because of his complex needs but that advice "went in one ear and out the other" and that the adoption process had taken 6 months.

I also see that Myka states that Huxley was rehomed rather than the adoption being disrupted, the former being an informal way of relinquishing parental responsibility and the latter being a legal route to re adoption. The Reuters report linked to earlier explains it more.
Both of those terms would sound less than ideal to anyone in the UK because they both suggest different things to anyone born and raised here. US and UK terminology can differ greatly.

My children with ASC are late teens - mid twenties and we are still adapting, it is an ongoing learning curve for all of us.

x2boys

I find the use of duct tape on Huxley's thumbs one of the most disturbing aspects of this story, not only would it prevent thumb sucking but it would also prevent the hands from being used properly and is therefore IMO physical abuse.

A spokesperson for the Stauffers' local child protection agency says they have not been involved in Huxley's rehoming:

"The adoption for the Stauffer family is an international adoption which does not involve our agency," Turner said, adding, "It appears that [Myka] made arrangements with an individual person, versus an agency."

"Putting it on social media and describing it as, 'We found another family,' well what does that mean?" Cox said. "Did they go through an agency? Was there another home study done on the other family? That part is highly unusual."

It sounds as though their story about the adoption agency finding a mother who is the "perfect match" for Huxley isn't true. Wherever he is, I hope he's safe.

And now the US is in meltdown & this story has dropped off.

There needs to be some kind of official investigation in to the whereabouts of this child. You cannot just give a stranger on Facebook a child like you would an unwanted pet. I desperately hope they didn't do this but I wouldn't be surprised. It needs to be known if they've acted legally and that Huxley is safe and happy.

A different account of rehoming.

nypost.com/2020/05/29/i-was-rehomed-and-it-was-the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-me/

[quote womanaf]A different account of rehoming.

nypost.com/2020/05/29/i-was-rehomed-and-it-was-the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-me/[/quote]
While I'm glad it worked out for her, just sending your child to live with another family hundreds of miles away with no input or oversight from social workers is just crazily risky. And very unlikely anyone would do that with a birth child, however challenging their behaviour is or difficult their needs are.
Privately rehoming a child is not like seeking residential care for them.

Makes me glad I am too old to even want to understand what a you tube influencer is - I mean are they important in the scheme of things?? are people really influenced by them???? seems like a crock of shit

Live Abuse Free on YouTube has just released a video on this & she has receipts which indicate Huxley is now in foster care system & with a foster family.

Quite a few channels have released videos about it, which is good. However they will have been creating those prior to current events in the US... but it is good to see more coverage of this nonetheless.

I’m going to remain VERY worried about this story and the welfare of that poor child until at least his whereabouts are known.

What did they do, advertise him on gumtree?!

I would far rather a couple admitted they couldn't do it than tolerated a child. Children have died because it seemed unthinkable to adoptive parents that they should say "We can't cope". It needs to be an acceptable thing to say. They don't mention the word rehoming and they do explain that they can't talk about the future of a child without jeopardising what will happen to him next. His new family needed to meet him on his own terms, not after watching a vlog about why his first home hadn't worked out. Adoptions do break down. It shouldn't happen but it does. They seem inadequately prepared and immature but I think the fault lies with whoever approved them. That said, the whole situation seems highly unethical and they shouldn't now have any footage of someone else's child on their channel.

choc It seems that the agency who arranged the adoption located parents with specific experience relevant to his needs-what they should have done the first time and what would happen here.

Zoe I don't think you understand how it works there. Private adoption agencies are not the child protection agency! Two different things.

@0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h

choc It seems that the agency who arranged the adoption located parents with specific experience relevant to his needs-what they should have done the first time and what would happen here.

What agency?

@Choctimeout

I’m going to remain VERY worried about this story and the welfare of that poor child until at least his whereabouts are known.

What did they do, advertise him on gumtree?!

I believe there are rehoming Facebook groups.

What like when people want to sell furniture or swap council home tenancies?