You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

One interpretation: what a brilliant strategy. I'd never heard of this woman before. A two minute Google reveals that she's now all over the news, and millions of people like me who'd never heard of her will now be interested. In her line of work I really think there is no such thing as bad publicity. Not so long ago this sort of "public outrage" would only have made money for the tabloids. Now it's highly profitable for the subject of the outrage herself!

@lauriemarlow in the UK you cannot share anything about your child on SM, unlike USA.

[quote topcat2014]@lauriemarlow in the UK you cannot share anything about your child on SM, unlike USA.[/quote]
What do you mean? You can share anything you like about your child on SM in the UK.

[quote topcat2014]@lauriemarlow in the UK you cannot share anything about your child on SM, unlike USA.[/quote]
You can do, I’m an adoptive parent, I choose not to purely because I think all children deserve privacy, so I only put pictures/videos on instagram that don’t show his face. But a child being adopted doesn’t mean they can’t be on social media.

@vikingwife

Unfortunately the adoption agencies likely had no idea about their YouTube channel monetising this adoption. What was said on the channel & what was said to the agencies may have been different.

I think it’s unfair the husband is getting off lightly here. They both seem to feel ripped off they were sold a faulty product that was not as described. That is not how parenthood works, biological or adoptive.
I think poor huxley stopped being cute & his disabilities were no longer adorable to them.

If it’s any consolation these people are likely too scared to leave their home right now. Even if they continue to monetise their family, this scandal may hopefully give them some pause & take their huge egos down a few notches.

It’s a very basic check to check where a families income comes from. If the adoption agency missed from their various income sources what their “job” is then they are not fit to be making major decisions about children’s futures

[quote topcat2014]@lauriemarlow in the UK you cannot share anything about your child on SM, unlike USA.[/quote]
That’s not universal. Of the two adoptive families I know one has their children on SM and the other doesn’t.

They were both basically abandoned and left to it post adoption so even if they were both not meant too no-one would ever know

Apparently much of the adoption process in the US can be unregulated. Some states allow this "rehoming" between private parties. Sounds like it leaves a lot to be desired in the way of proper oversight for the child. I'm in the US and am shocked to find this out. Never heard of her till this post, but it sounds like she used him to make money and dumped him when he became more work. Sad.

Myka recently commented, "Huxley wanted this decision 100%. We saw that in family time with other people, he constantly chose them and signed with and showed tons of emotion to show us and let us know he wanted this. Huxley never had a say in his adoption, and he needed more help and also wanted this and we know that 100%."

Seriously, this is such a load of cobblers. A non-verbal four-year-old didn't signal to his parents that he wanted to go and live with another family. Mind you, if my parents duct-taped my thumb to stop me sucking it for comfort (while allowing my older sister to suck hers)...

Apparently there's a video in which James says they send Huxley to bed a few hours before the other children so they can spend time together without him. And this is just what they admit in public. I don't think their biological children will be worried about being sent away after this; I think it was made clear to them that Huxley wasn't really part of the family.

There's one video in which Myka discusses the challenges of raising an adopted child and turns it into an advert for detergent. There should be some sort of legal restriction on parents profiting from their children in this way. Parents of child film stars used to drain their children's earnings until the law was changed. Hopefully, the backlash against the Stauffers will give other YouTube parents pause.

Myka recently commented, "Huxley wanted this decision 100%. We saw that in family time with other people, he constantly chose them and signed with and showed tons of emotion to show us and let us know he wanted this. Huxley never had a say in his adoption, and he needed more help and also wanted this and we know that 100%."

Seriously, this is such a load of cobblers. A non-verbal four-year-old didn't signal to his parents that he wanted to go and live with another family

Yes, this is absolutely ludicrous, and tells you all you need to know about this woman and her motivations.

He is four? Nice to see a child so mature that he can make decisions like that for himself. She is justifying the decision and I’m sure she doesn’t feel badly about it - just badly about the criticism.

A four year old signals he wants to leave a family. Sure. Annoying to see this rubbish in the world.

The ego of that woman, justifying to herself (and others) that the child instigated his own “rehoming” and they just went along with it.

Having said that, I’m not surprised if he showed some signs of preferring people outside the family... since he was being abused and all.

@MarshaBradyo

A four year old signals he wants to leave a family. Sure. Annoying to see this rubbish in the world.

I think I quite fancied a new/different family when I was that age - i even asked if I’d been adopted and had another family somewhere (my best friend at that age was adopted). Mum wasn’t very impressed.

@lyralalala I don’t disagree, but they may have intentionally deceived the agencies by lying with omission - they will have said their income comes from the husband’s job only (he had a job where they were eligible for a 10K stipend if you adopt so he was employed ) and I’m unsure how youtube pays content creators but I imagine for them it was one off payments, not a salary & they may have been able to avoid having to disclose their YouTubing.

Admittedly searching their names on google may have brought up their blogs/channels which would have shown them putting their kids on the internet.

The child was failed, however the deception this couple has showed make me inclined to think they deceived authorities or only provided favourable information in order to ensure their adoption application was approved.

They were rejected from all other countries so had every incentive to lie.

Re: no such thing as bad publicity - I think people need to start reporting all the content with YT/insty - They will be making money because people are flocking to their channel to view the videos. The average person is going to watch the videos to see who these people are, not realising by viewing it/commenting etc they are ultimately helping them profit off this even further.

However with any luck it should be short lived because the channel will hopefully die now. Are they still going to keep posting this perfect family content after this ? People aren’t going to buy into this perfect family brand anymore, sponsors will no longer want to be associated with them. They will be spending big money on legal advice right now.

They may have support from flying monkey friends & family, but let’s be real these people are likely afraid to leave their home right now & will essentially be in hiding. After pretending to be this perfect couple & being low key famous for your perfect life, this will have a huge negative impact on their egos.

They may not face prosecution but am fairly confident some authority will get involved, even if it’s just a check up/visit can you imagine the fear social services are going to come knocking on your door? This story is now too big for authorities to ignore. I’m sure the doctor who advised them against the adoption would have some interesting things to say right now...

I hope they can’t sleep at night after exploiting this child & Am quite sure they are not enjoying life right now. So they may not face legal repercussions but the money they made off Huxley will be paid back in legal fees & lost future revenue.

This is my hope & belief anyway...

All the videos are on Bilibi (Chinese video sharing) if people want to see them without giving money to the Stauffers.

search.bilibili.com/all?keyword=Myka%20Stauffer&from_source=nav_search_new

It sounds like Huxley was more profoundly disabled than they had been told, and it was more than they could cope with. For an adoption to be successful the parents need to be fully aware of what they’re signing up for; it benefits nobody to lie about the level of disability and then the adoption fails because the parents can’t cope. Apparently the other children were suffering due to Huxley’s behaviour too. So part of the reason they sent him to live with another family was to protect their other children.

@Rhodri unfortunately having children does not come with a guarantee or warranty. Children often have complicated health issues that are not known until later on, as they develop. There can be no adoption agency in the world who would guarantee no future health / behavioural issues.

They were never in a position to be able to cope, because they intentionally chose a special needs child for the worst reasons - to get a quick adoption so they could promote the adoption on YT channel in the quickest possible time and getting the clout of saving a child. They went against recommended guidelines to not adopt out of birth order or have bio kids in close age. They returned him as soon as he was no longer cute, fun & was costing more money than he was bringing in. They did not take a break from YouTube to focus on him. They did not stop having more children so they could focus on the ones they had. They were not concerned about coping. If they were they would have made YT posts detailing their struggles more honestly.

100% spot on, viking.

How do you think biological parents cope @Rhodri? I had no idea my son would have severe autism and learning disabilities,he's non verbal at ten ,but I'm not just going to rehome him!

Biological parents do have to make that decision, My friend was kicked so hard by her seven years old son she needed an emergency hysterectomy. I would have probably said I would never give my son up, now puberty as hit, I am physically assaulted every day, I have two torn shoulders and my daughter is afraid to leave her room. Please do not imply shame with placing children in care either permanently or temporarily.

It's disgusting that they said in tears please keep their privacy and the boy's privacy, when on their Youtube channel they still have the boy's face and the boy's videos everywhere.

Slagging these people off is fine but words are important and biological parents can struggle and guilt and shame of admitting that they cannot cope can lead to dreadful consequences.

@ Boulshired my DSD has ASD and PDA and I can empathise with what you’re saying and what they must have gone through.
It’s so hard most SEN parents I know are divorced and on the last threads of their sanity usually on antidepressants.
It’s a hard road, a very hard road.

Thank you blueglassandfreesias

When it comes to behavioural problem biological parents usually have time to adapt. My home has probably had £20,000 plus of work done to accommodate my son and I can recognise triggers. Adoptive parents or even parents whose child through trauma/illness/accident suddenly find themselves dealing with difficult behavioural needs understandably have a high shock to the system.