You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

@Glitterpearl they directly profited from the adoption as her YouTube channel increased exponentially and she got tonnes of sponsorship because her influence had increased.

I don’t care how much of their biological children’s lives people share on social media.

But I would support much stricter controls on information shared about adopted children. I’m not sure about how that would work in practice, but I do not think this child’s experience should have been paraded on SM.

I think they were made to give him up by social services tbh. And thank God because she was horrible to the poor boy. I hope he's with someone who loves him.

Before we all get too judge, we don’t know all the circumstances. Maybe the child’s needs became too complex and she couldn’t cope. It sounds like her heart was in the right place but she was unprepared for the reality of dealing with a severely disabled child.

How.do.you think biological parents cope @Insanelysilver? Im the biological parent of a severely disabled child I wasent prepared either but I cope because I have.to,I realise sometimes parents have to make the decision to get residential care for their children but most parents don't just abandon their children

@Enko, I think the fact that she wasn't prepared for the possibility of Huxley rejecting her is very important as an indication that we're looking at a very shallow and immature individual here who got into this venture with her own unmet needs unacknowledged but central to her motivation.

I think that statement shows she expected a child to supply her with the sort of unconditional, uncomplicated emotional response that only a puppy can offer. It's a huge pity she and her husband weren't weeded out early in the process.

Now she (and her husband) have not only caused huge harm to Huxley, but their other children must surely be wondering if they are safe in that home only as long as they don't challenge mom and dad too much. Children can humble you and break your heart before breakfast some days. Do the children in that home feel safe to do that?

I think they were made to give him up by social services tbh. And thank God because she was horrible to the poor boy. I hope he's with someone who loves him

So do I. I think Huxley should be entitled to financial support from them until he's 21 and to a share in their assets. They are disgusting. Looked at her Instagram, she literally gives zero fucks. Neither of them do but it's her stupid smug face on each post that I want to punch repeatedly . Child abusers.

@mathanxiety
Yes perhaps all of what you say is true.

Perhaps there is something else happening.

Only thing I will say is I have seen plenty of adopters who have said they underestimated the rejection. We simply can not know as we were not there with them.

However, I find it interesting that the few of us who actually have watched their channel for a while have a different view of this than others.

I am not going to claim it was dealt with well. However, nor am I going to slam a couple who have made such a decision. I did not walk in their shoes.

However, if the rest of you wish to do so

please goahead

[quote CandlesBlanketsandTea]@Glitterpearl they directly profited from the adoption as her YouTube channel increased exponentially and she got tonnes of sponsorship because her influence had increased.[/quote]
I think it is clear from my post that I am aware of this.

I just don't believe that was the driving motivation. I think Myka was motivated by her need for adoration and attention. She wanted to feel like a wonderful person, saving this poor child from an orphanage. The actual day to day reality of that, especially the trauma from adoption alone, didn't factor in to her thoughts in more than a shallow way.

Her youtube channel increased due to the adoption, no doubt, but she was already making a pretty decent income from youtube (between The Stauffer Life channel and her own channel) before adoption was discussed and both channels were growing fast.

From what I read, she duct taped his thumbs to stop him sucking them, even though her other kids do suck their thumbs.
Also, since giving him up, she has posted in a fb group asking if there is an "easy" to handle disability as if they adopt again,they don't want a child with complex needs

@Pinkerbells

From what I read, she duct taped his thumbs to stop him sucking them, even though her other kids do suck their thumbs. Also, since giving him up, she has posted in a fb group asking if there is an "easy" to handle disability as if they adopt again,they don't want a child with complex needs

In many ways that’s not remotely surprising. Especially if there has been social services involvement.

Women who have a child removed often go on to have another. Women who have multiple children removed especially. Often on the hope that this time they’ll be allowed to keep it and this time it’ll be ok.

This is why the authorities are the ones that need to take responsibility

Ffs he is a kid , not a dog , complex needs or not . I just have had jobs in this field ...adoption sometimes doesn't work out ...but sheesh..

Awful, selfish, self centred, hideous woman. Stop making stupid people famous. I just hope & pray this poor boy is with a family who will truly love him now. It’s all just very sad & this will have an enormous effect on him.

Enko if people are not expecting rejection, what are they expecting?

Children up for adoption are not blank slates and anyone who expects instant and consistent love or affection has, as Glitterpearl says,
a need for adoration and attention. She wanted to feel like a wonderful person, saving this poor child from an orphanage. The actual day to day reality of that, especially the trauma from adoption alone, didn't factor in to her thoughts in more than a shallow way.

Dismissing the possibility of rejection should be a huge red flag in the assessment process.

Unfortunately the adoption agencies likely had no idea about their YouTube channel monetising this adoption. What was said on the channel & what was said to the agencies may have been different.

I think it’s unfair the husband is getting off lightly here. They both seem to feel ripped off they were sold a faulty product that was not as described. That is not how parenthood works, biological or adoptive.
I think poor huxley stopped being cute & his disabilities were no longer adorable to them.

If it’s any consolation these people are likely too scared to leave their home right now. Even if they continue to monetise their family, this scandal may hopefully give them some pause & take their huge egos down a few notches.

I have been so shocked by this story.
I understand that children with complex needs take a lot of if not all of the attention and resources from their family systems but the thought that Huxley was taken from his country, moved to America, bi DSD with his siblings and new mum and dad only to be rejected will scar him for life. What an awful thing.
The parents whiny tearful video justifying why they’ve been laughing and having fun in recent videos was nauseating to watch.

I BET the woman gets more flack for this than the man when it was actually the man that was really struggling with it and maybe gave his wife an ultimatum about ‘rehoming’ Huxley.

I still can’t get my head around this situation and now looking at another adoption how is this allowed ?
Poor Huxley may he find peace and parental love.

Similar to when Ellie Butler RIP was taken from her loving grandparents and given to her bio parents which resulted in her death just beautiful children so vulnerable

There is absolutely no way they should be being considered for adopting again. Why would that even be a possibility?

Agree @Glitterpearl 100%. I'm not sure about SS, although if the eldest was telling her bio dad (healthcare professional) about life at home on her visits to him, I guess it is possible that he got involved. I would be so concerned if I was a nonresident parent watching their videos. I won't give the Stauffers money by rewatching any now but Myka came over as extremely impulsive on her Draw my Life and clearly flits from one idea to another. I heard that they advertised fish fingers or something, having called themselves vegans. And when they talk about the school decision, they said they talked about it then put them in a couple of days later, when they only had a tiny amount of school left before Christmas. As pp have said, red flags all over the place and they should never, ever have been able to adopt in their circumstances.

Unfortunately Huxley isn’t in state foster care and it doesn’t look like social services were involved.
More likely they privately “rehomed” him in an unregulated custody transfer - not illegal in Ohio. So who knows where he is or what, if any, checks were done on the new forever family
www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/stephaniemcneal/stauffers-huxley-youtube-readoption-questions

It sounds like these people will be investigated, or be getting a call from social services at some point.

Reasding that article is horrifying he can just vanish like that "poof" gone. That poor child it is actually heartbreaking.

Here's hoping vikingwife

New family was handpicked by the Stauffers so that's fine and dandy they are not shady at alland are fit to place a child with complex need to his forever home!

James was never keen on the concept of adoption. He was brow beaten into it by Myka.

But when they met Huxley, and Myka couldn't bond, he really stepped up and in the videos that followed James was the one doing the majority of the day to day care of Huxley. He is absolutely as culpable for the whole thing as she is, but I believe that his intentions and love for Huxley were more true than Myka's ever were.

Also Myka is extremely flakey! She is vegan when it suits, and then they film a date night eating steak. I have always worried about the kid's diets too. I can't see how they get enough to eat really and at times have had bloated tummies.

She also picks and chooses when she is religious and when she is not. And she's into conspiracy documentaries. She will watch one, Google the subject a bit and suddenly the family are all dragged along in another lifestyle change to cut out the latest harmful thing.

I have always wondered how the dad of the oldest can be OK with how his child is being brought up.