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You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

688 replies

quizacabusi81 · 28/05/2020 10:26

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
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Perisoire · 29/05/2020 16:14

@lyralalala

We must not get into a situation that discourages people from admitting when an adoption breakdown, or even famly breakdown, makes a child remaining with them untenable. The people that suffer most in a situation when children should be removed from a family setting, but are kept their at all costs are the children. We had countless well meaning social workers bend over backwards to help my parents parent and it was absolutely at the cost of us being children, instead we were made victims.

I agree. I think there would be sympathy for parents who go into adoption knowing and prepared as best as they can for the challenge but who weren’t able to give the child the best care possible. The child’s welfare is the most important thing. Hopefully this case will act as a deterrent to those who go into adoption (and especially adoption of children with special needs) with dubious aims. So sorry about what you went through.

quizacabusi81 · 29/05/2020 16:16

Regarding what one poster said sorry don't know how to quote the post.

She wasn't pregnant when she adopted Huxley her third child ( a boy) was 2 months younger than Huxley.

She then had a baby ( her 4th biological child) a year or so later... he's almost one. ( apparently he was planned)

OP posts:
corythatwas · 29/05/2020 16:25

Adopt a child when you already have a toddler- irresponsible! No way are you going to be in a position to give the adopted child the attention they need; also, if the adopted child has meltdowns it could out the other toddler at risk.

Go on an have another baby while looking after a relatively recently adopted child- irresponsible for exactly the same reasons!

This isn't just about the authorities failing to stop them- adopting parents have responsibilities too, to inform themselves.

RoomForMore · 29/05/2020 16:45

I think there is a 3 year age gap between Huxley and Onyx... I might be wrong. But Onyx is nearly one and Huxley and Radley are coming up for 4?

What's so confusing is her instagram posts with Huxley as late as autumn last year, saying how she wouldn't trade him for anything, how many obstacles he's overcome etc. I know they've often alluded to his problems, but why do all the gushing posts. Its just hypocritical!!

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 29/05/2020 16:59

@RoomForMore you are correct Huxley's birthday is on 01 June 2015, Radley's (her biological son) birthday is 21 August 2015.
Onyx (her other biological son) was born in June last year.

AuntyRigsby · 29/05/2020 17:21

What's so confusing is her instagram posts with Huxley as late as autumn last year, saying how she wouldn't trade him for anything, how many obstacles he's overcome etc. I know they've often alluded to his problems, but why do all the gushing posts. Its just hypocritical!!

I agree with you, although this really is in the nature of this sort of influencing/social media. It's about as reliable as Hello! magazine's reports of the lives of celebrities, but without the external editorial control! It's all fabricated for the sake of what will sound/look good and make the most money. The truth, and certainly any negative truth, is entirely irrelevant.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/05/2020 17:23

I judge her for using the poor child as clickbait & for financial gains & then trying to erase him as if he never existed

This.

smw15 · 29/05/2020 17:38

This would never be allowed in the UK. Neither this initial adoption nor the "re-homing".

Deepblueriver · 29/05/2020 17:46

She is now saying that she has privately rehomed him rather than putting him in foster care. So the family he is with might not have been vetted or assessed. I hope they are good people but children who have been rehomed in this way have been given to abusers.

Poor Huxley.

ThistleTits · 29/05/2020 17:47

I was horrified reading it too. They wording of her statement made me so angry and I'd be concerned for the other four children in their care. Unfortunately there is a high breakdown in adoptions and I understand people's expectations and reality are sometimes far apart but this particular case seems extremely horrifying. I do wonder if the little boy was removed from them or they gave him up?
The child is now in foster care.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 29/05/2020 17:48

Woman should be done for child trafficking if she’s just given him to someone else like that.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 29/05/2020 17:50

Tbh though both parents need a slap and to be stopped from breeding or adopting again

Taliya · 29/05/2020 17:50

Sounds like a very sad situation. Poor child😪

smilingontheinside · 29/05/2020 18:13

I think it is disgusting just like those people that discard cats/dogs when they get fed up or find them "difficult. Whilst I can understand how difficult it can be (have worked with children with complex needs) and know their parents sometimes wish they could just walk away but they don't no matter how hard it gets. To make a show of adopting a child, get funded for the shos" then dump the child when the reality kicks in is abhorrent and she should never be allowed to adopt another child (I believe she us considering it). God help her natural kids should they not turn out perfect, will she dump them as well!

Runnerduck34 · 29/05/2020 18:31

Thats terrible, you rehome a dog not a child!
There should have been greater checks on her suitability. Sounds like the child had complex needs and would need a high level of care, hopefully he will now be with someone better suited to meet his needs.
Does make you question her motives

lockdownbaker · 29/05/2020 18:34

Anyone who posts their entire family life in you tube to make money and fundraises to adopt a child from a foreign country isn't fit to be a parent to any child. Children are no commodities to virtue signal... i a highly dubious about anyone's motivation for adopting from abroad when there are so many children needing homes in their resident countries, that goes for paying thousands for a adopting animals from abroad too, imperil colonial attitudes wrapped up as charity.

MorningCalm · 29/05/2020 18:34

I watched their youtube video about them explaining how they made their decision. In the video they cried and asked the viewers to keep their and the boy's privacy.

The tears are truly for themselves and it is full of self-pity. However hard they try to justify their decision, it's not convincing and their decision deserves criticism.

I stronly think their contents should be deleted from the social media since their social media channels still have the videos and photos of him. Actually I don't think it's a matter of their choice. They are no longer relevant to the boy's life.

Oysterbabe · 29/05/2020 18:41

This is just horrific.
Adoptions do breakdown, and that's awful for everyone, but after 2.5 years at that age, to him they are his parents.
They are terrible people.

Bojohair · 29/05/2020 18:57

They were using him to advertise bread last year. I hope all the companies that bought in to monetising this child will have a re think and drop them.

Glitterpearl · 29/05/2020 19:11

I haven't read the full thread so apologies if I am repeating anything.

I watched this family on Youtube for about a year before they even discussed adoption. I ceased watching them about 3 or 4 months after they brought Huxley home.

Regarding the breakdown of the adoption, and Huxley's placement into a family that can better meet his needs, I think this is a good thing, and I don't think this makes Myka or James abhorrent or any of the other horrible things that are being said about them. It would have been worse, IMO, for them to have continued, knowing that not only Huxley, but the other children in their care, were not having their needs fully met.

That being said, the backlash they are now facing for the publicity aspect and the making money from it, I am torn. It clearly isn't right or acceptable. However, they aren't the first to do this. There is quite a large content base on YouTube of families who have crowdfunded and profited (through ad revenue) when adopting children, both domestically within their country and also internationally. Myka and James are products of that, and while it is not acceptable, they don't deserve to be hung out as examples when it is so widespread.

The issues in this family, IMO, centre around Myka. She strikes me as someone who could be described as a narcissist, and is certainly not as intelligent or as wordly as she likes to portray. She craves attention and adoration and the adoption felt like a classic saviour complex from the word go.

James is a classic enabler, but with him, I think he is genuinely a nice man who at all times just tries to do the best by everyone, and ultimately will do anything to make Myka happy.

From the moment they met Huxley, Myka was unable to bond with him, and sadly, this outcome is not surprising at all.

I worry for the other children, especially the oldest (I won't name any of the other children here). Myka's parenting is questionable on a good day, and the oldest child IMO gets the brunt of the odd choices.

The other children were "homeschooled" (I am not against homeschooling but with Myka this was more her playing teacher than any actual attempt at enriching her children) and now I believe they are enrolled in school....this makes me think that child services were involved.

This is a really sad situation all round, but I am hopeful that Huxley is now in a home that is meeting his needs, and that the other children are now in school and being monitored at least. I don't think Myka or James are horrible people, I don't think they did the adoption to profit or with the express intention of this outcome. I think Myka got an idea in her head, and with thousands of followers behind her, ran with it in the face of reality and better judgement. The fact this little boy was caught up in it is a tragedy, but we can only hope he is now in a much better place.

Lordfrontpaw · 29/05/2020 19:15

Do the family are just props on her ‘perfect insta life’?

FelicisNox · 29/05/2020 19:19

They bought a child for likes and have now given it up?

Yeah. That's disgusting.

Glitterpearl · 29/05/2020 19:21

Do the family are just props on her ‘perfect insta life’?

Yes! James does the majority of the day to day parenting and housework.

If it doesn't make a good youtube video/insta post Myka isn't interested.

Lordfrontpaw · 29/05/2020 19:23

She should have just got a bloody puppy (but she’d probably give that up too if it peed on her white carpets).

Perisoire · 29/05/2020 19:43

Very different situation but does remind me of efforts Shan’ann Watts (and to a lesser extent her husband) went to to present a perfect life on social media for her MLM, only for her and her 2 DDs to be murdered by her husband so he could be with another woman.

I really think the pressure to present the perfect life contributed to what happened, although it doesn’t excuse him at all.

m.facebook.com/ShanannWatts

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