You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

And what kind of utter morons adopt a child when they have no mutual language?.... Oh yes, the type of white, over priviledged utter self absorbed arseholes who think they're 'helping' a child by removing them from their home and viewing them as 'thick' because they don't understand English 🙄

To be fair nobody is prepared for a child with special needs ,my son has severe autism and learning disabilities ,this is not the life I expected but he's my child and I love him ,it's not a walk in the park for biological parents it's certainly a learning curve

They were aware that this child had special needs beforehand - maybe they naively assumed they would be able to cope. Or maybe they ignored advice - if they sought any that didn’t say ‘it will be ok’.

Yes it’s hard - bloody hard - and it’s a situation they deliberately created and exploited. Two grown up adults. With resources to explore and be educated on the implications.

I feel sorry for the little boy and home he is not adopted into a family who will love him and really understand how to take care of him (and not in an institution).

@x2boys I hear you, but arguably a couple who adopt are in a better position to understand & research the disability, they get to meet the child & see what they’re like. This lady was an RN, she had been counselled by doctors against this. This couple had much more of an idea what they were getting into than someone who gives birth to a child & discovers these issues later.

I really hope that we will look back very soon and wonder why the hell anybody allowed the selling of childhoods as part of a family’s ‘brand’. A backlash seems to be starting already.

www.theguardian.com/global-development/2020/may/29/i-want-my-kids-back-how-overseas-adoptions-splinter-ugandas-families
Another side of international adoptions

It's sad. Unfortunately, I have heard so many stories. One lady studies elite orphanages in Africa where poor kids (often with living parents) are taken in (I say curated) and raised so out of context of their culture with donations from the west. The kids end up not fitting in their communities and some times revered because they have more money than their parents.
Some are adopted. One was adopted then married the son of her adoptees (her adopted brother). I wonder what choice she had. Another was adopted in Southern Africa and when expatriate parents moved to west Africa they abandoned her there and moved on to their home in Europe. She moved from an elite life to street life until spotted by someone who wondered why a girl with such posh English was on the streets. By now she was 13 but thankfully remembered her home village and after much struggle was returned to her birth parents.
Then there was a case in South Africa. A rich white family adopted a black girl to "rescue her from poverty and hiv". As a pre-schooler she spouted some most atrocious racists things. She thought she was white and was being raised and "loved" (very spoilt) by a white racist family. Can't even imagine the trauma when she discovers she is black when she goes to higher classes in her predominantly white school/community. Or when she spews that racist shit (innocently for now) to black People.

I know there are many positive cross culture, cross race, even international adoptions. But the ones that go wrong because of poor underlying reasoning for the adoption are just heart wrenching

Presumably international adoption from China is just about waving the cash around?

What an offensive and racist comment ! China have a strict system for adoption the same as most European countries. Adopters have to be approved in their own county and meet the Chinese requirements. The waiting time for a healthy baby is approx 6 years .

@billy1966 omg that's absolutely shocking. Revolting people. I'm glad he was ok in the end.

China have a strict system for adoption the same as most European countries. Adopters have to be approved in their own county and meet the Chinese requirements.

I can’t see how these two managed to get approval though.

So many obvious red flags.

Re the crowd funding aspect, don’t forget that in the US there’s a huge culture of philanthropy. You see crowd funders and whip rounds for all sorts. I’ve seen someone have one for sports bras because she was fat and they were expensive. Have you ever seen the house makeover show where as well as getting a free house the tv show organises a community whip round for college fees or utility bills or whatever. I find it very uncomfortable but presumably they don’t.

Also, this particular family had chosen to monetise their family life. Of course, they asked for money for this.

It’s part the fault of whatever authority let this happen - clearly they weren’t vetted properly and she was displaying all over YT that she didn’t understand Huxley’s needs and part the fault of the whole culture of influencers.

I can’t see how these two managed to get approval though.
They’ll have been approved in the US. China will assume the US agency has done its job.

This is why Russia stopped adoptions to America.

@C0RA the facts are Myka admitted that China and one other country were the only ones that would be willing to adopt to them. They couldn't get approval anywhere else. They also adopted out of birth order which is a massive no no as I understand and the Chinese authorities approved that.

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

Wasn't it.
It's years ago, but I never forgot the story as it was just so dreadful.

It shone a very very uncomfortable light on adoption in poor Asian countries, because young girls were being tricked out of giving up babies and to be honest, made me very suspicious of the whole process.
I don't doubt the sincerity of European people wanting to adopt but when there is so much money involved, and there is, of course there are going to be people who will exploit it to there advantage.

I wonder where that couple are now?
They were a total and utter disgrace, how they shamed themselves and their families.

So glad that boy came out the other side of it well.

@C0RA

Presumably international adoption from China is just about waving the cash around?

What an offensive and racist comment ! China have a strict system for adoption the same as most European countries. Adopters have to be approved in their own county and meet the Chinese requirements. The waiting time for a healthy baby is approx 6 years .

The waiting time to adopt a a child with special needs is much, much shorter.

That's part of the problem with adoption world wide imo. Children with extra needs are much harder to place so when there's a chance of an adoption there is more pressure on the social worker/agency to make it happen, the excitement can cause people to play down the level of needs and then the pressure not to allow the adoption to break down is even higher.

Also, when Myka says his new mum is medically trained, as though that's a great help... she's usually banging on about being an RN herself. Although if you watch her 'Draw my life' (which contains no drawing, just her crying about stuff) then you can work out that she never actually worked as an RN for very long. The whole thing is just so incredibly sad, foolish, misguided, selfish. And at the end of the day, the one who suffers the most is poor Huxley

I wonder if her and James were on the same page about rehoming him though. James appeared to have a sweet bond with him from the start. Of course you cant believe everything you watch happens all the time, but still.

She specifically wrote on that Facebook post Huxley’s obsessive food focus was “driving her husband bonkers” though, so for it to be raised suggests he wasn’t so patient about Huxley’s needs either.

I’m so ready for a new term to replace “influencer” as well.

The adoption agency must have known she was pregnant (as upthread says her new born and Huxley where 2 months apart). How could they approve this?! Does the agency work on commission?

The thing is her fangirls are oblivious. They’re waiting with baited breath for her next video on food or house, they actually don’t give a shit.

She's so full of shit that I doubt everything that comes out of her mouth, so I'm starting to wonder if anyone actually can verify that there IS a new foster family, that they have been CPS approved and vetted and that he is actually being well cared for and make sure his disappearance is fully checked out.

@Perisoire

The adoption agency must have known she was pregnant (as upthread says her new born and Huxley where 2 months apart). How could they approve this?! Does the agency work on commission?

They also would have known where their income came from. This couple should never have been allowed to adopt, regardless of how much they wanted to do so.

As much as people who are not suitable to adopt have a responsibility to be honest, the bigger part of the blame comes from the agencies and governments that permit adoptions like this to happen.

We must not get into a situation that discourages people from admitting when an adoption breakdown, or even famly breakdown, makes a child remaining with them untenable. The people that suffer most in a situation when children should be removed from a family setting, but are kept their at all costs are the children. We had countless well meaning social workers bend over backwards to help my parents parent and it was absolutely at the cost of us being children, instead we were made victims.

As much as people who are not suitable to adopt have a responsibility to be honest, the bigger part of the blame comes from the agencies and governments that permit adoptions like this to happen

I totally agree with this. People aren’t always very self aware and the demands of caring for a SEN child from another culture aren’t well understood by all.

They shouldn’t have been given the go ahead, from the US or China. And that needs to be reviewed.

This is exactly why they didn’t go public with their decision. They must have known that the online bullying and abuse would be terrible. I’m sure they are getting it in person too,

Really none of us know hardly anything about these people or their situation. It is none of our business and yet people are really frothing at the bit and whipping themselves into a frenzy.

If you don’t care about the mum and dad, then at least consider the effect that all this must be having on their kids and just leave them the fuck alone, eh?

Are you serious? Did you see the message this post of Myka's from 2018?

We are praying about adopting again. And my husband wants me to ask what special needs would you consider minor or relatively easy to manage that most people wouldn’t consider easy?

How much more obvious could that make it that they wanted the admiration, donations and advertising revenue they would get from parading a disabled child on social media, but weren't keen on dealing with a "difficult" child in their everyday life? They literally asked about adopting a child whose disabilities are perceived by the general public (i.e. their followers) as more severe than they actually are!

Also, bear in mind Myka posted that while, according to them, she and her husband were struggling with Huxley's behaviour. If you're already having problems with one disabled child, why would you adopt another? I know this sounds harsh, but the only realistic explanation I can think of is that they thought adopting a child whose behaviour is "easier" behind the scenes than people realise might minimise the backlash when they gave Huxley up. They may have hoped people would say, "Well, they say they're coping fine with the second disabled child they adopted, so it must not be their fault they had to rehome Huxley. His behaviour must just have been too extreme." It's not charitable, but I can't think of another explanation.

I wouldn't want to live in a world where people can profit from a disabled child, give him away, and then NOT be criticised, TBH.

I wonder how much they needed the family YT channel for income, now that James Stauffer's channel has almost 1m subscribers? And Myka has set up a new get rich quick channel which has to be easier than trying to film kids, cleaning, and diet daily.

This is exactly why they didn’t go public with their decision. They must have known that the online bullying and abuse would be terrible. I’m sure they are getting it in person too

Oh please! They deserve it. They adopted a human being to promote their shit " brand" and they made a lot of money off of him. They deserve all the shit they get. She's still grifting like she didn't abuse and dump a child.