You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

I haven't read the whole thread but it appears some of you are not familiar. Myka and James adopted this boy in 2017, when they had three other kids. There were only two places they could adopt from, which is a red flag and one of those places was China. The quickest way to adopt from China is to adopt a child with special interest (I think that's how they describe it).

They were informed that he has issues and a medical doctor in the USA reviewed the notes and advised them not to adopt him. Myka blogs about this in one of her adoption update series. They adopted out of birth order, I believe this is another red flag. It meant her youngest biological son and her adopted son were only two months apart in age.

He came home and he had assessments and therapy. The tried to stop him sucking his thumb using either a guard or duct tape.

They then moved into a massive mansion and planned their next pregnancy. At this point the child was having therapy all day I think it's called ABA. She kept giving updates on how well he was doing. He was signing lots and speaking the odd word. At one point recently she posted on IG about how expensive therapy was whilst wearing a Cartier watch.

The new baby was high needs, in January they posted a video that the older kids had gone to public school, they usually home school. This is the last vlog on their family channel.

Myka then posted a tonne on IG and YouTube but without her adopted son pictures, people asked questions about his whereabouts and they were deleted. At least one of these was threatened with legal action for setting up an IG account asking where her adopted son was. They only did an update once people started messaging their sponsors. They also went on holiday to Bali with just their 7 month old baby and posted all these updates, it's gross looking back.

A source said the adopted son is in foster care who plan to adopt him, this isn't what they say in the video.

For me I understand adoptions fail but the optics are horrendous, if they had stepped away from social media and then made an announcement I think it would have landed differently. Her channel grew from I believe around 30k subscribers to over 700k and the adoption videos was the key driver behind this. The profited from his adoption and also crowd funded his adoption.

Also Myka wanted to adopt two boys from China and that's where the posts from the adoption board came from, they were considering a second adoption, which I wouldn't consider if I was struggling to care for my first adoptive son.

Why did this woman even adopt a disabled child from another country in the first place. She clearly wasn't ready for the challenge, she must have no self awareness. Do you think she actually believed her own white saviour myth? Thought she was Madonna or Angelina Jolie.

Has anyone read my name is why by Lemm Sissay. He was taken into care even though he has a loving mother (because she was unmarried and an Ethiopian student). The (white) family who raised him gave him back as a teenager. It’s is absolutely heartbreaking to read about the impact being rejected by your adopted parents can have as a child.

One of the reasons for giving him back was that he was eating too much food. Which has parallels with that comment the Stuffer’s made about Huxley being obsessed with food. In both cases that was very normal behaviour but the parents resented it.

There is also a horrible kind of racism that it is better to be with a white middle class family than to stay in your own country. A lot of posters have said that it is better to be abandoned by your parents in America than to be in a Chinese orphanage but Huxley wasn’t in an orphanage he was in foster care.

I am horrified by them duck taping his hands so he couldn’t suck his thumb. I sucked my thumb til I was 8. That is a cruel thing to do.

I don’t think they should have been allowed to adopt him. It is understandable and very sad that some adoption placements break down but this is not a case of some trying their best in an impossible situation.

This is so sad. The entitlement of these people who think they can just go around making money as 'influencers' from children is astonishing enough but this takes it to another level.

Deepblueriver, that is very interesting because, many years ago, I read about a couple - the man at the time was quite well known, a writer or something though I don't remember his name - who adopted a Vietnamese orphan. When he was grown up they 'gave him back' because they thought that was the right thing to do for him, giving his culture, etc! I couldn't understand that one bit. I'm all for a child being in touch with their culture of origin but not to be given away by the only family they had known. That's abandonment. Nobody seemed to batter an eyelid at the time, at least not openly.

This case is not the same, of course.

Huxley is, thankfully, young enough for any damage to be repaired as far as it can, bless his heart. May he be truly loved and appreciated for the person he is and hopefully he'll grow up fine.

Why did this woman even adopt a disabled child from another country in the first place. She clearly wasn't ready for the challenge, she must have no self awareness.

Having no self awareness isn’t particularly unusual.

If this prospective adoption was properly administered, it wouldn’t have gone through. There were loads of red flags.

Presumably international adoption from China is just about waving the cash around? That’s disgraceful and needs to be changed.

Lynda When Lemm’s foster parents gave him back he went into a children’s home. His mother was looking for him all that time but he didn’t find out until he was an adult.

I hope Huxley has been adopted by a loving family who accept him for who he is. He is young enough to have a good life but sadly I think this will always affect him.

It is really shocking that despite being very visible, this couple apparently did not arouse the interest of their local department of children/family services.

The cruel stopping of the thumb sucking - a little child's comfort in his new environment - should have raised alarms about the Stauffers' fitness as parents.

@BoreOfWhabylon, that is a shocking article. The child welfare advocate from Massachusetts, Maureen Flatley, is quoted saying, “We have cultivated an unbelievably cavalier culture of disposability in adoption.” Nail on the head there.

In 2010 a Tennessee woman put a Russian child she had adopted on a flight to Moscow, alone, sending him back where he had come from.

Members of many evangelical churches in the US see adoption as a mission. Adoptive parents from this culture tend to have a 'spare the rod and spoil the child' approach to family relations. Some tend to see mental health issues or disabilities or disorders like attachment disorder as something to work on through the use of unaccredited therapies. Some saw adoption from Russia as a way to strike a blow at Godless Communism and nothing to do with meeting real human needs of living, breathing children (who didn't see America the same way the parents did, another element contributing to the parents' disappointment). At least 20 Russian children died in their new American families' care up to the point where Russia stopped almost all international adoptions.

@ mathanxiety It is shocking, isn't it? All these chatrooms where people say "I'm looking for a child" or "Does anyone want this child?" and the child is handed over with no professional involvement whatsoever.

Presumably international adoption from China is just about waving the cash around?
I don't think you can generalise.

Even if that situation didn't end up with the child being whisked off by pedophiles, being disposed of, pushed out of what might be the only family you had ever known, must be a horrific trauma.

That ^ was to BoreOfWhabylon

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.independent.ie/life/family/mothers-babies/the-curious-case-of-tristan-dowse-26512267.html

This is a fascinating read.

It was a huge story that the Sunday Times broke years ago.

This really upset people I knew who were trying to adopt from Asia at the time.

Truly shocking.

When families do everything they can for an adopted child and then the adoption still breaks down it is an absolute tragedy. No one in that situation should feel guilty for doing the best they can.

This was nothing like that though. They adopted to look good, to demonstrate their wealth and "good christian-ness". They didn't consider that child's needs for a second, it was all about what he could do for them.

I don't think you can generalise.

In their case it seems to be true. I wonder what checks (if any) the authorities placed on them.

There must be umpteen adoption agencies in the US that specialise in this. Kind of baby shopping that negotiate there way through .this because these parents. Were totally. Unsuitable to adopt this little boy yet there he was exploited in plain sight and then they tried to "cure" him.with therapy, there should be more outrage and investigation on how these children are allowed to be adopted it is astounding that it is allowed to happen.

@Lynda07 You doubt it was 'bad intentions' for someone to crowd fund to adopt a child from another country that they obviously can't afford to without other people paying, and uproot them from their social community? So a poor 'non white' baby, gets the 'privilege' to live with a white family who clearly don't even have the financial means or inclination to 'rescue' the child? Nevermind raise them in the country of their non nationality they displaced them in? Yep, no bad intentions at all 😳... They were obviously doing the child a big favour.

I know it was ages ago but I watched a documentary called ‘3 identical strangers’ and it was about 3 triplets who were adopted out by an agency in the 60s.

Turns out they were - actually this is a spoiler for anyone wanting to see it (it’s fascinating). Anyway the agency did not come out well in this at all.

Why do people feel the need to swoop in with a BE KIND, I'M OUT message?

Having watched more about the situation, an acquaintance has mentioned that Mr Stauffer's work gives $10000 towards adoptions. Which may have covered the trip to China, no? (Did the kids really need to come too?) So that crowdfunding was just weird. Then the freaking laundry detergent advert with her hugging Huxley saying that Dreft laundry powder helps them bond! Also someone mentioned that the family made $42000 in advert revenue off of the big "Gotcha Day" video. Poor Huxley. Oh and crowdfunding for his therapies, WTF. Then a month in Bali once he was gone, with just the new baby. Wonder how the girls left behind felt about that?

@Lordfrontpaw

I know it was ages ago but I watched a documentary called ‘3 identical strangers’ and it was about 3 triplets who were adopted out by an agency in the 60s.

Turns out they were - actually this is a spoiler for anyone wanting to see it (it’s fascinating). Anyway the agency did not come out well in this at all.

That was horrendous to watch. The triplets, and all the twins involved, were just human guinae pigs to their agency

Well I guess their money making off sponsorship and blog/vlog/whatever will dry up pretty quickly. A handsome family with cute kids is ten a penny but throw in a bit of god, ‘good’ deeds, adoption, a child with special needs and hey, it’s a brand.

They believed their own ‘my perfect life’ story nonsense. They couldn’t cope - they obviously didn’t do their homework on the child’s needs or if they could cope. ‘God’ was helping them out and guiding them? Maybe if they spent more time researching before or focussing on their children afternoon (rather than chasing sponsorship and I assume book/tv deals) then maybe they could have coped. God knows other families do/have to.

I had followed the Stauffer family from their adoption 'journey' with Huxley. They often appeared to be a bit fake, grabby and trying to create the perfect image of their family. They have YouTube friends who have successfully adopted, and I think its quote obvious that an adopted child would mean more subscribers and more ad revenue for them.

I think they felt they could be saviours to this poor little boy from China, look at the amazing life he has now, etc. However they were so incredibly unprepared for a child with special needs.

He didnt suit their youtube/instagram image with his multiple meltdowns, non-verbal...ness, stimming etc. I think they came to really regret it because they weren't prepared to have to put in so much time, effort and money into a child that isn't biologically theirs.

Myka Stauffer runs with every fad going. Vegetarian/vegan/raw vegan/back to vegetarian. Using all sorts of cleaning materials then going chemical free etc. Having big clear outs and then showing huge shopping hauls. Adopting Huxley was a great idea until she was tired and bored of his 'needy behaviour'.

Also the white saviour thing is feeling a little dated. China is one of the next world superpowers. The "Gotcha Day" video shows him before adoption, playing in China, having a friend who he plays with, wearing nice clothes and smiling so cutely for the person filming him. He wasn't in an orphanage, he was with a foster family who clearly loved him and were so sad to see him go. He was sent from that to a household where no one bothered to learn any of his language, the kids were "homeschooled" with the bible and worksheets, and the family seems in a constant state of flux (minimalist one day, big shopping haul another, vegan except when they aren't, moving house after bringing him home).
Huxley was failed so badly.

Did they think that them and God would ‘fix’ this child?

Were they hoping for a tear-filled finale with the child running towards them through a garden or meadow, arms out stretched, smiling, ‘mamma, daddy - I love you so much!’