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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave ds

140 replies

Hockeyboysmum · 27/05/2020 21:59

Long story short my 8 week old son is in hospital. We have been here for 11 days now and also had a few days stay a few weeks back. I cant cope. Ive now not slept a wink in 72 hours. He screams all night. When we here before the nurses etc said i couldnt go home for a night and leave him. I stayed this time because i thought he needs me -he doesn't he hates me. I cant take anymore. If he doesnt get home tomorrow aibu to go home for the night without him? Hospital locked down ao cant go out for a walk or anything and no one can visit so havent seen older son

OP posts:
Flowers2020bloom · 27/05/2020 22:01

Sounds very difficult. If you could get home for a break and then return the next day then yes, do it - sounds like you need it and also to see your other son

zscaler · 27/05/2020 22:02

He doesn’t hate you OP - but I can see why you’re exhausted and desperate.

I think you need to speak to a nurse and explain that you have to rest, and that you need help and support yourself. Make sure they know that this is something you absolutely need.

If your son is safe in hospital I think you could leave for a night. If you’re worried about leaving your son could you ask someone to take your place for a night? Is the baby’s dad around to help?

Original poster
Hockeyboysmum · 27/05/2020 22:07

No he isn't and no one else allowed to visit

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Mummyjsa · 27/05/2020 22:09

How come your son is in hospital?
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Could you stay and ask for help? I think if you go home you will just worry and still not sleep or reject.

Fluffykitten23 · 27/05/2020 22:11

Is that because if covid 19 if u leave the hospital u can't come bk

longtimecomin · 27/05/2020 22:13

God that sounds awful. I think you have post natal depression. They should let you go if you tell them your reasons Flowers

LouiseTrees · 27/05/2020 22:13

Speak to the nurses again and tell them you haven’t slept and you think you are going to faint holding him. It’s very unhealthy and dangerous not sleeping for that long. He does need you for love etc but the physical health side should obviously be monitored by medics. Do you mind me asking why he is in hospital? Would it help to talk about it? You probably have so many emotions you are trying to reign in.

LilyMarshall · 27/05/2020 22:15

It is very stressful being on the childrens ward with a sick child. Can you swap with your partner.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 27/05/2020 22:16

This sounds like a horrible situation op. Trust me he doesn't hate you.
Can you speak to one of the nurses and explain how you are feeling and that you have another child at home?
Yiu sound exhausted and I'm sure you coudl do with some respite.
Who is with your older son? Is there any chance you could swap places for a night or 2?

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 27/05/2020 22:16

I didn't sleep for over 4 nights after my last baby was born. It was awful, I hallucinated while I was holding her.
You need rest, a proper rest. You will feel like a different person for it. Your baby will be looked after Thanks

EmJay19 · 27/05/2020 22:21

He doesn’t hate you! It’s so hard when they don’t stop crying though but he will come through it. Ikwym about no sleep in hospitals - it’s so tough! My advice is find someone who worked there that you like / trust and explain what you’re thinking. Good luck

Original poster
Hockeyboysmum · 27/05/2020 22:23

He has hydrocephalus. Amd a few other things with being early and small. Had surgery to fit a shunt on wed but then it got infected so they removed on sat and fitted an external drain to his head. This was removed yesterday. Now monitoring to see if they can wait a few weeks before putting another shunt in

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Original poster
Hockeyboysmum · 27/05/2020 22:24

My older son is with my mum part of time and his dad the other. My mum etc are not allowed to visit. Only me

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ladycarlotta · 27/05/2020 22:26

Poor little baby. And poor you. He is probably in pain/discomfort, he doesn't hate you. You need some respite to get your head together - this really is full on for you but if he's been in hospital for a while the nurses really will know him well enough to give him great care without you. Please, take a break. This is a really tough time but you are going to get through it. Just be gentle with yourself and with your little one.

MitziK · 27/05/2020 22:30

He doesn't hate you. He's ill.

Tell them you need sleep and to see your other child. Talk to the doctors. Try and get some support as the Mum of two children, one of whom is ill and one who hasn't seen you for nearly a fortnight.

You need some rest.

Mrsjayy · 27/05/2020 22:32

He doesn't hate you, are you allowed back if you went home for a sleep ? Is there a parent room or something you could have a lie down and rest you need to tell the nurses how you feeling are and go and get some sleep.

HollowTalk · 27/05/2020 22:33

You poor thing. What a horrible situation to be in. You need to talk to one of the senior nurses and ask for advice there. Believe it, though, your child doesn't hate you. You are everything to him.

Generallybewildered · 27/05/2020 22:34

My son was in hospital for 3.5 months when he was born. I went home every weekend to spend time with my husband and my daughter. Saved my mental health and allowed me to sleep as well as maintain good loving relationships with the rest of my family. I don’t regret that decision.
You have to preserve yourself. And your other children need you too. Go home for a night. It will do you all the world of good.

Original poster
Hockeyboysmum · 27/05/2020 22:43

@Mrsjayy parent rooms all shut for covid. No one allowdd to leave individual room

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justforthecake · 27/05/2020 22:51

That sounds like torture. I'm sorry you are going through this.
He doesn't hate you
You need to speak to the ward manager and tell them you need a break

SlimBig · 27/05/2020 22:54

You poor thing, it sounds like you need a break. Speak to the doctors, you need to look after yourself so you’re strong enough to help him recover. He doesn’t hate you, he’s ill. Sending lots of strength

nannapat58 · 27/05/2020 23:03

Just go home my daughter had twins 12 weeks ago one twin in hospital for 11 weeks in a hospital 2 hours away she visited every other day, because one twin at home n other children. Nobody made any comments about not being there 24/7

Batmanandbobbin · 27/05/2020 23:08

I am so sorry you are going through this. Flowers

Children wards are awful and I couldn’t think of anything worse then being stuck in a room all the time. You need a break and you deserve one. You’re doing amazing.

Californiabakes · 27/05/2020 23:15

That sounds horrendous, you poor thing. I hope he gets well really soon. You really need a break. Could you speak to staff and explain? Or the hospital social worker?

Original poster
Hockeyboysmum · 27/05/2020 23:28

@Californiabakes i will try to speak to staff again. No support workers etc are working in the ward just now.

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