To leave ds

[Hockeyboysmum]

Long story short my 8 week old son is in hospital. We have been here for 11 days now and also had a few days stay a few weeks back. I cant cope. Ive now not slept a wink in 72 hours. He screams all night. When we here before the nurses etc said i couldnt go home for a night and leave him. I stayed this time because i thought he needs me -he doesn't he hates me. I cant take anymore. If he doesnt get home tomorrow aibu to go home for the night without him? Hospital locked down ao cant go out for a walk or anything and no one can visit so havent seen older son

[Californiabakes]

You should be able to speak to a social worker on the phone. They could advocate for you with the staff. You just need some respite and rest so you can carry on. Really feel for you.

[bluebell34567]

wish you and your son well op

[Juanmorebeer]

Oh OP that sounds utterly horrendous. What is the set up? I had to stay in with my baby when she was a few months and it was a little put you up bed on the floor next to her cot near to the nurses station and flashing lights whatnot and they came in several times to do obs, is it the same? Because I completely understand why you are exhausted if so!

Esp in a lockdown and not allowed to move at all. Just awful.

Talk to them ask if there are any other options.

[Hockeyboysmum]

Yes @Juanmorebeer fold down bed next to cot. 4 hourly obs by nurses. Not that that makes any difference cos he screams from 8pm till 7am

[Hockeyboysmum]

As well as sleeping issue i have barely eaten. Most days they take a dinner order but half the time it doesnt appear. When it does its rotten and tiny. E.g. a small baked potato and tub of cheese. Lunch is a takeaway size cup of soup

[daisyjgrey]

I have something that is similar to hydrocephalus, he's screaming because it hurts, a lot. High pressure or low pressure are both excruciating.

He does not hate you. He is in pain. I know that's not much of a better option but please remember your baby doesn't hate you.

[Disabrie22]

My friends child had hydrocephalus and he cried a lot as a newborn - I remember because my own fragile newborn was in the bed next to him. I imagine he’s too poorly to go home but you need to get some rest - how often does he sleep?

[Hockeyboysmum]

Drs have said hes not got high or low pressure just now as drain sorted it for the moment. Only pain relief he has been given is paracetamol. I asked them to call the dr in twice overnight night before last because i was concerned but they said hes fine and will just take him few days to recover.

[Bridecilla]

Absolutely go home. He'll be looked after and he won't know you've gone.

I used to go home every Friday night when ds was in. I used to run a deep bath, lie back and put my ears under the water as that was the only true silence I could think of.

Hospitals are never fucking quiet, ever. It's like noise torture

[Hockeyboysmum]

@Disabrie22 hes not sleeping at night for more than 5 mins at a time. He also has reflux which isnt helping. He will sleep an hour or two in the morning but only if being held upright on someone.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

Speak to the nurses. Ask if you can be there 8am-8pm and home for the opposite 12 hours. Can they see to him overnight? He needs well rested mum.

Also, do you have a partner at home? If so, they can prep you a grab bag so each morning you grab a bag of food (lunch, dinner, snacks and drinks plus other stuff that may help keep you comfortable).

[Hockeyboysmum]

I feel so bad because sometimes when i look at him all i feel is overwhelming pity and guilt. The issues were only discovered at 34 week scan. It was suggested several times that i I terminate but obviously i didnt. He was born by section at 35 w 6d. I am making him endure a life filled with pain and unhappiness because i was too scared to terminate. I have ruined both our lives not to mention my other so .

[Bridecilla]

Lots of mams who had other kids at home literally popped in to visit when ds was in. The kids at home needed them more so what could they do? Ds was / is an only and I took a night a week away.

Please don't feel guilty

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Maybe you need to speak to your GP about how you feel?

[Flippyflo]

@Hockeyboysmum

I couldn’t read and run.

Your son absolutely doesn’t hate you! Babies are so so difficult and 8 weeks old is so young!

Sounds like you’re going through the normal mix of just giving birth with added stress!!! Go home, recharge (if at all possible) and eat !!!!

[Teabaseddiet]

You haven't ruined your lives. Modern medicine is great and can often help people lead a relatively normal life, when that wouldn't have been the case 1-2 generations ago.

I completely get where you're coming from, I've been on those children's wards, it's hot, you're exhausted, you're bored as you can't go anywhere. Add to that your baby crying all night - anyone would be at the end of their tether.

Your baby may be in pain, or it could be a young baby thing - my eldest screamed all night in the first 12 weeks, it was the worst. In your shoes I'd speak to the dr on ward rounds tomorrow & tell them that you're concerned that he's in pain & you want them to take it seriously. As a PP has said, you also need to speak to the ward manager & tell them you need to go home and sleep as you can't carry on like this. They have 2 options, to let you go and come back when you've had some rest, or they'll have to look after him without you completely.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Hang on in there.

[MintyMabel]

I’ve spent a lot of time on children’s wards. I’ve never seen parents expected to be there 24/7.

Tell them you need to go home, shower, get some rest. Speak to a manager if they get arsey. Then just go.

[togglethis]

So sorry to hear of how awful things are for you right now.

You didn't do wrong to have him, not at all.

He doesn't hate you, he is in pain. He needs you very much and you are his rock. He'd be even more upset if you weren't there. But take a break if you need to.

Ask the nurses if there's a charity supporting kids and parents in this situation. I was in hospital with my baby and the social worker for the charity was wonderful, very supportive. They might be able to suggest something.

Hope so much you have a better night tonight. There are always people on here to chat to if you need.

[DamnYankee]

Bernadette = Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. As is starvation.

Demand help. No more stiff upper lip b/c you feel guilty. If you make no noise, I'm afraid you will not get your needs met.

Even a sleep in a separate room in the hospital with baby in the nursery/NICU and you get a prescribed Ambien if you are restless? Not pushing habitual use, but one night of sleep makes a huge difference.

My OB took one look at me post-partum, and prescribed this for one night - and we were at home and DD only had reflux.
And somehow get someone to get your your favorite foods!
My OB also prescribed pizza. I was underweight from the stress - and I am naturally thin. Not pretty. I loved him

[DamnYankee]

But a little reflux turned her into a big screamer. Ugh.

[Saladmakesmesad]

Just sending love. Everything always feels the absolute worst in the night, especially if you're sleep deprived. I hope your baby boy is more comfortable soon. And I really hope (and believe) that before too long you'll look at him doing something and you'll be so glad you brought him into this world, and won't be able to imagine a world without him.

[GreenTulips]

Are they not letting you go due to possible cross contamination with the virus?

If only you can visit, there must be a reason for keeping you locked in.

Would they allow you back?

[Needmoresleep]

Are there other mums there.

Many years ago when my baby was sick I sort of got adopted by some of the other mums, whose children had chronic disabilities and so were very used to the routine. They used to take me out on smoking breaks even though I did not smoke and were exceptionally kind, even though they were facing tremendous challenges.

As for food, the nurses used to snitch the edible things like yoghurts. The rest was grim. But no CV then so DH could takeover for an hour, bring in treats from M&S and I could go for a walk with our toddler.

Even so it was awful and exhausting. It took a while after that to properly bond, but it happened.

Make a fuss about the food. Can anything be ordered in? Can stuff be dropped off? If there are other mums do try to get to know them. Especially mums of older children who have already seen too much of the inside of hospitals and so will probably be happy to pass the time.

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Oh you poor thing. That sounds tough.

I promise you he doesn't hate you. Babies express emotion with who they're comfortable with, and that is you.

But for the love of god, go home, get some sleep, have a break. It's important to look after yourself too. Don't think twice about it

[Disabrie22]

I think you need to go home too - you need at least one full nights sleep. Is there anyone sympathetic on the ward? Are you gravity feeding him?