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AIBU?

To leave ds

140 replies

Hockeyboysmum · 27/05/2020 21:59

Long story short my 8 week old son is in hospital. We have been here for 11 days now and also had a few days stay a few weeks back. I cant cope. Ive now not slept a wink in 72 hours. He screams all night. When we here before the nurses etc said i couldnt go home for a night and leave him. I stayed this time because i thought he needs me -he doesn't he hates me. I cant take anymore. If he doesnt get home tomorrow aibu to go home for the night without him? Hospital locked down ao cant go out for a walk or anything and no one can visit so havent seen older son

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YinMnBlue · 29/05/2020 17:21

Thinking of you OP, I have done those long nights and days on the ward with the worry and the no sleep, but I was allowed visitors, who brought food... This is so very hard for you.

Sending a hand hold, and I hope the consultant is able to be informative.

Needmoresleep · 29/05/2020 22:07

I hope you and your beautiful boy have a good night.

Marshmallow91 · 29/05/2020 22:44

Hope tonight is the best it can be, OP and you get enough to eat and time to sleep. I hope Ben is doing well also. He is such a beautiful little soul.

Ameliablue · 29/05/2020 22:55

You are doing an amazing job. Your baby doesn't hate you. If you need a break, take a break.

Delbelleber · 29/05/2020 23:05

So sorry reading all this it's heartbreaking. I hope you both have a settled night at least.

Ameliablue · 29/05/2020 23:08

My previous post was just on the basis of your first post. I've just read on. My daughter was born 3 months early, suffered brain bleeds leading to hydrocephalus. We are also in Scotland. My daughter was treated at QEUH. She spent 4 months in neonatal, discharged for two weeks and then had an infection so in children's hospital for 5 weeks. It was hell and that was pre-covid. We've had a couple of a and e visits, including an overnight since Covid and it is harder to deal. If you need a chat, feel free SBH Scotland has Facebook support groups you could join if you haven't already.

DC1JackieReid · 29/05/2020 23:12

Well he’s a handsome wee guy. Bless you OP you sound exhausted. I’m a bit concerned about you. I’m glad you got some rest and Ben is calmer. You’ve had the shock of finding out Ben was ill during pregnancy and the trauma of a section followed by the treatments Ben has needed then no sleep and no usable nutrition for your body. During the terrifying global pandemic. Have you been spoken to by a psychologist? I know most of us are tied up with doctors etc during this but I think you need to debrief with a professional. You have been through several traumatic events one after another without let up. I admire how you’re coping. Even though you’re so strong, I think you should insist on talking with a psychologist or counsellor. Let someone take care of you. I’ll light a candle for you and Ben.

Hockeyboysmum · 30/05/2020 08:32

@Ameliablue yeah its qeuh and rhc that we are at. How is your daughter doing now?

I have joined the SBH facebook pages and found the support really valuable.

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Babycrackers · 30/05/2020 09:22

I just wanted to pop and and tell you that the hospital cant force you to stay, if you need to go home then you just need to tell them that's what you'll be doing rather than asking. I know it's tough because he is so small but the nurses will manage and if they really can't they will put for a 1-1 support worker. I hope Ben continues to feel a little more settled and that he stays out of pain. Such a difficult time for you anyway, let alone with the complications from covid.

Also with regards to food, if you are not being provided for you really need to push because expecting you to stay all the time on no nutrition is terrible.

Ameliablue · 30/05/2020 11:07

She's doing well. She's two and a half and only had the one revision. She does have delays due to the prematurity and damage from the bleeds so doesn't walk independently or talk yet but she's still amazing. This time is there hardest but things will improve.

Needmoresleep · 31/05/2020 17:42

OP, I hope things are looking up.

Flappingflamingo · 31/05/2020 17:54

Sorry, I've no advice or help but just wanted to say Ben is abs gorgeous 😍 I hope everything goes well for you both xxx

bellabasset · 01/06/2020 08:57

I hope your little Ben is improving and you are sleeping. I think so many of us feel upset for you, especially having to be so isolated

Hockeyboysmum · 01/06/2020 12:16

Hi everyone thanks for all your messages. Ben is doing well eating and sleeping much better. Up to8lbs now. I got out for couple of hours yesterday and enjoyed the sunshine. Hes to get an ultrasound today and if nothing too bad on it we can go home tonight. Then back for follow up next week.

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LannieDuck · 01/06/2020 13:02

I'm glad you've been able to get a few bits of sleep here and there. It will make a real difference. Best wishes.

PopcornAndWine · 01/06/2020 13:22

Your little boy is gorgeous. Glad to hear from your latest post that he seems to be doing better x

Mrsjayy · 01/06/2020 14:24

Fingers crossed for him

Ameliablue · 01/06/2020 18:18

That's good to hear. I hope he continues to improve.

bellabasset · 01/06/2020 19:02

I hope you're able to go home today and that Ben continues to improve. He's touched a few hearts here 🙏💕

Spillinteas · 01/06/2020 19:24

Ah hockey I’ve just read the thread. He is gorgeous 💙 And I’m glad he may be coming home. Fingers crossed for you both. What fighters you both are 💗

Needmoresleep · 05/06/2020 08:34

I thought I would come back to ask how you were doing.

Did you get home?

DD had a similar tough start to life. It was about 9 months before her health stabilised, and a year before I felt I loved her, beyond my duty to protect her. And two year before she was well.

She caught up fairly quickly though I was warned she might not. The only obvious sign of early problems was that enamel had not formed on her back teeth when they came through. She had some social lags, because she did not interact with other kids until the age of two, but these sorted themselves out.

In many ways it took me longer. I held it together whilst I needed to but, in retrospect was quite shaken for a few years after. I felt guilty that my child was OK when others were not. I also looked back and realised I could have lost the child I now loved. I was emotionally depleted and some of my resilience was gone.

This is all a long time ago, but I really hope Ben is doing well, and that you are able to take care of yourself as well.

Hockeyboysmum · 05/06/2020 11:15

@Needmoresleep we did get home. Bens doing okay and fairly settled. Health visitor was out yesterday and has some concerns with his vision as hes not following things. Hes not smiling yet either. All just feels like such a long slog.

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Mrsjayy · 05/06/2020 11:30

You must be knackered and confused by everything that's going on his development delay is probably usual considering his prematurity and his disabilities ploughing on Is all you can do for now

Mrsjayy · 05/06/2020 11:32

Are you using the Facebook groups there will be other parents who are there for you and understand.

Hockeyboysmum · 05/06/2020 12:23

Yeah im on the facebook groups. Corrected he is only 5 weeks so guess its early days

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