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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you'd feel embarrassed by this?

183 replies

TastyCheese · 27/05/2020 00:21

If you were in a public place - and asked a person - eg work colleague /person in social group going out etc a personal question then they told you it was none of your business, would you feel a tad embarrassed/uncomfortable?

OP posts:
Zilla1 · 27/05/2020 08:10

For what it's worth, OP, I don't agree with MrsB. I think asking if they would be voting isn't an impolite question. Who they would be voting for would have been impolite.

EstherEliza · 27/05/2020 08:11

Depends what the question was. If it was a perfectly normal question I wouldn't be embarrassed, I'd just think they've got quite a bit of work to do on their communication skills. If I had overstepped the mark with the question I may be embarrassed, depends what it is, but then I would apologise and let it go.

Original poster
TastyCheese · 27/05/2020 08:13

Morning people - thanks all for your comments - to all those who asked about voting, I'm more interested in your comments tbh, so thanks.

OP posts:
oralengineer · 27/05/2020 08:14

It depends, if you are in a conversation where they are openly discussing a subject you are in the dark about it would be rude to tell you to mind your own business. However, for random intrusive questions it’s a fair response.
DSis loves keeping me out of the loop and talking about a subject in front of me. It frequently backfires. I think she does it just so she can tell me to mind my own business. Some people are just like that.
I have to ask people awkward questions as part of my job. If I get the mind your own business response I have to explain that I can’t see them, problem solved.
And as for the children question I learnt that saying we couldn’t have any/ anymore children was kinder and stopped unnecessary gossip. It also stopped them dead in their tracks re questions.

Itisbetter · 27/05/2020 08:15

Do you take sugar in your tea? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. (I’d think you were unusual but feel no embarrassment)
Are you menstruating? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. (I’d think I’d overstepped and be embarrassed at my lack of boundaries)

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 27/05/2020 08:15

Totally depends on the question asked.

Beefcurtains79 · 27/05/2020 08:16

Why don’t you just say the comment? How tiresome.

chatterbugmegastar · 27/05/2020 08:16

Depends how you said it. There's ways of changing the subject without actually saying 'it's none of your business'.

Clawdy · 27/05/2020 08:20

Pretty pointless thread if the question is not going to be revealed.

Bluesmartiesarethebest · 27/05/2020 08:20

I still want to know what the question was 😂

Somewhereinthesky · 27/05/2020 08:20

If I was asked the question I didn't want to answer in front of others like colleagues or friendship group , I wouldn't say none of your business straight away, if it would make the situation awkward. I would try to change subject etc, and hope they get the idea. But if the insisted, I think I would in the end.

pictish · 27/05/2020 08:23

Pretty much every comment amounts to ‘it depends on the question’.

So...

BreatheAndFocus · 27/05/2020 08:29

It depends on the question, doesn’t it? If I’d asked a genuinely reasonable question and got ‘It’s none of your business” then I wouldn’t feel embarrassed, just perplexed or annoyed.

OP, if you’re asking this because you can’t judge whether a question is reasonable or not, then best to err on the side of caution and stick to chit-chat. If the other person asks you a question you can probably safely ask them the same back in return.

Zerrin13 · 27/05/2020 08:30

Just tell us what the question was for gods sake

RUOKHon · 27/05/2020 08:31

OP, you’ve got no business asking posters to comment on such vague information.

Either give the details of the question you’re referring to or forget getting any useful replies.

Aretheystillasleepbob · 27/05/2020 08:35

Depends doesn't it.Asking if someone was voting is fine, asking WHO they voted for ( if it's a colleague and you don't know them that well) might be considered too personal to some people.
I get asked all the time HOW my children were conceived and depending on who it is and why they're asking the answer varies from - not telling you to here's how - but the 'rudest' I've ever been about it is to say that it's private and not up for discussion.

Purplewithred · 27/05/2020 08:35

Depends on the tone of the ‘none of your business’ response. Snappy = I would realise I’d overstepped the mark And pissed the person off. Gently = I would realise I had overstepped the mark but that person wasnt especially offended, or was just a very polite person.

Rainbowshine · 27/05/2020 08:37

The fact that it’s in a work context makes the potential list of topics not to ask about larger. Your relationships at work are professional so any query about family, life outside work can be seen as unnecessary and intrusive. Especially if you work in a global organisation and there are different norms and social etiquette to consider. Just stick to discussing relevant work matters.

Ravenclawgirl · 27/05/2020 08:39

Many years ago when I was a teenager in the 6th form, a good friend at school moved out of her family home and into a flat provided by the school. I knew her parents marriage was unhappy as it was an arranged marriage, but she had never mentioned any problems that she was having so I wondered why she had moved out. I didn't ask her as my mother drilled into me from an early age not to ask personal questions of any kind. But one day she kept making comments about how awful her life was, how she missed her brother and her Dad. It seemed to me that she wanted one of us to ask her about it. So I said to her quietly "What happened? Can you definitely not go back?"

She took great pleasure in shouting "It's private!" in front of the whole common room. I felt as though I had been slapped and forty years later my cheeks are burning as I think about it.

It wasn't that private because a few days later she announced that her Mum had tried to kill her. But the embarrassment I felt not only destroyed that friendship but also future ones as I cannot ask anything about anyone's life and come across as uninterested, so I have no friends.

MarieQueenofScots · 27/05/2020 08:41

presuming it was an innocent question like ‘do you think you’ll have more children’, which yes is personal but which I think you have to be pretty precious about to take offence over...all things being equal

That’s a dreadful question to ask somebody. It isn’t “pretty precious” to be upset about such an insensitive and intrusive question.

Viviennemary · 27/05/2020 08:42

That would be horribly rude.

Spillinteas · 27/05/2020 08:43

What a pointless thread. You’ve got to say what was asked.

What’s your favourite flavour of crisp?

None of your business

When was the last time you had sex?

None of your business.

I think op likes to ‘muse’ about stuff Hmm

Doihavetogotoworkdotcom1 · 27/05/2020 08:43

I’d feel very embarrassed and wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about what I’d said.

Branleuse · 27/05/2020 08:43

It would depend on all sorts of things, but normally if someone told me to mind my own business, id take that as a big "fuck off" so id only use it if i was totally exasperated with someones nosiness.
Usually id expect a more polite rebuff than that, and if someone actually said mind your own business, then its quite a clear statement that they think youre rude, nosy and annoy them, so my future interactions with them would reflect this

Doggodogington · 27/05/2020 08:44

On the basis that you won’t reveal what was asked, I have to say YABU. Nobody on here can say that your response to the question was unwarranted if they don’t know what the question is. Did you mean to make the person embarrassed?

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