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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be pissed off at the Muslim community?

180 replies

Redolent · 26/05/2020 21:43

The vast majority of my Muslim neighbours and family members have had visitors over for Eid. Not just one household, but a steady stream of them. My mum, who’s vulnerable and has pretty much kept to herself over the last couple of months, has mixed with four different households since Sunday. Her response is ‘Well they turned up/travelled to say Eid Mubarak. They’re right on our doorstep. I couldn’t possibly turn them away without serving them food’.

Media accounts of how Muslim communities life in extended family networks miss the point that these ties are not simply dependent on proximity but are based on entrenched feelings of social obligation.

Bearing in mind that the BAME community is more at risk anyway, I’m pissed off at the Muslims I know, fearful of a second spike, and hoping that the cites they live in get locked the fuck down again before they all get sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redolent · 26/05/2020 22:30

@YinMnBlue

That’s lovely. I need to relocate.

OP posts:
flashbac · 26/05/2020 22:31

Talk about attention seeking.

YinMnBlue · 26/05/2020 22:31

Redolent You really do - the food was fab!

listsandbudgets · 26/05/2020 22:32

Our neighbours are Muslim They have 5 children. They put themselves in lockdown before the schools closed. After 3 weeks once they were sure it was safe they moved in an elderly relative..

Actually the father didn't go into lockdown.. he moved out leaving mum and five children.. hes been living in a campervan since then as hes worried about coming home and infecting them with CV... Just in case he picked it up on the covid ward he works on as a doctor..

But hey if youd like to have a go at the whole community why not?

Moondust001 · 26/05/2020 22:35

It’s one thing for people to decide who to meet up with but it’s another to turn up at the doorstep of an elderly woman with flowers and gifts on Eid. Knowing that of course you’ll be invited in.

And people might agree with you on that point. But why post in such an inflammatory way about "all Muslims"? If you are indeed a Muslim yourself then you must be sensitive to the impression that you have deliberately given that all Muslims have acted in this way?

And for the sake of clarity for other posters, I do not assume that because someone says that their mother is Muslim, that means that they are also Muslim. We live in a rich and diverse community within which there are many mixed families, and it is also wrong to assume that someone born or brought up in a religion still practices it or identifies with it.

manitobajane · 26/05/2020 22:36

Op what would do if it was Xmas ?

Starcup · 26/05/2020 22:37

Well we need to get back to normal sometime.

Some people might decide being stuck indoors for months on end isn’t worth it. If they want to see their family at this special time then that’s up to them.

Do no, I would not be pissed off with the Muslim community at all

Starcup · 26/05/2020 22:37

So no

IPityThePontipines · 26/05/2020 22:42

OP are you new?

I've been on MN for about ten years. There have been some awful, awful posts about Muslims in those times. A particularly low point was a poster telling other Muslim posters that she could speak to us how she liked, as in real life we'd throw acid in her face.

Or the several posters saying that Katie Hopkins was right and we shouldn't let any Syrian refugees into the country.

Or the regular posts about a Muslim shop assistant pulling faces at your shopping. (There used to be one of those a month at one point).

Those seem to have lessened a lot now and it's a good thing and I'm grateful for all the posters on MN who stood up to them.

But those opinions are still out there and this sort of post emboldens that mentality and gives people permission to start a big Muslim hatefest.

NumbsMet · 26/05/2020 22:46

Why is everybody so upset about OP criticising features of her own culture? Confused

@RainMustFall I'm sure it is OP's business, it's her own mother she's concerned about?

PoopySalata · 26/05/2020 22:46

Nah, my DH and kids are Muslim. We stayed home for Eid, but some people didn't. Much the same as some people saw VE Day as an excuse for a party. I'm pissed off with the people running this country and the half hearted messages they are sending.

Saying you're annoyed with a specific religious group is a bit bizarre tbh, because let's face it if you're annoyed at people breaking the rules you might want to broaden your outlook and check out the news? It seems we're all at it.

Whataloadofshite · 26/05/2020 22:47

Oh yay islamaphobia.

I live up the road from several Muslim families, none of which have broken lock down rules.

They have been cooking amazing food that has made me massively hungry when the aroma wafts in through my window.

Original poster
Redolent · 26/05/2020 22:48

@IPityThePontipines

I’m relatively new to MN I guess. I haven’t seen any posts like that. Disgraceful stuff.

Still, while I’m conscious of much media bias against Muslims, I hate the idea that this should lead to the suppression of all debate about retrograde, religiously-sanctioned practices. Like endangering the lives of your community under the guise of religious duty. And yes, Not All M(uslims) and all that.

Maybe MumsNet isn’t the place to air these thoughts.

OP posts:
MrSheenandMe · 26/05/2020 22:51

Love51 Absolutely perfect for an English comprehension piece. I have used MN posts before for exactly this.

OP - you are right. The community putting pressure on your elderly mother is the problem and I can see exactly what you are objecting to.

I saw my own mother pressured into behaviour that did her harm but that she was unable to avoid because of the shame and fear of not conforming.

And for those who mention Christmas; if it were Christmas and the Christian church was insisting that people visit family or attend church then there would be many Christians who would object to that pressure. (It has got nothing to do with white people in bikins FFS)

You are completely right OP. (And the racist-hunters who try to find racism in everything are missing the point as usual. I hope your mother stays well OP)

Moondust001 · 26/05/2020 22:53

Maybe MumsNet isn’t the place to air these thoughts.

But that isn't what you did. Nobody is suggesting that there cannot be debate - more often than not, "religious" practices are not even religious, but cultural. You didn't start a debate. You said that all Muslims acted in a certain way. What you meant was that some of the ones that you know did. Many others didn't.

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2020 22:53

Your mum is a grown woman.

Why not be annoyed at her instead of 'The Muslim community'?

YinMnBlue · 26/05/2020 22:54

It is quite important not to generalise, anywhere!

That doesn't preclude discussion about specific issues, per se.

It is very easy for someone to write inflammatory posts about XXXXXX (insert minority group of choice) and 'disguise' their provocation by typing "I am XXXXXXXX"

High days and holidays are a testing point for people of all cultures.

COVID got going in this country due to the races and a football match.....

SharonasCorona · 26/05/2020 22:54

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MitziK · 26/05/2020 22:55

Look at the images of the beaches over the last few days before having a go at others.

Moondust001 · 26/05/2020 22:56

And for those who mention Christmas; if it were Christmas and the Christian church was insisting that people visit family or attend church

But the mosques didn't insist anything. In fact the mosques advised people to observe the lockdown, stay at home, and not visit. And the mosques were closed.

NotAgainNo · 26/05/2020 23:01

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frazzledasarock · 26/05/2020 23:02

Except mosques and scholars and religious leaders were most certainly not telling people to visit eachother.

Mosques are closed.

There have been no congregational prayers for months.

There were no congregational prayers in Ramadan.

There were no congregational prayers on Eid.

Imams and scholars were making instruction videos on how to perform Eid prayers at home and posting them on social media.

So no mosques and Islamic religious leaders were NOT encouraging people to break lockdown.

listsandbudgets · 26/05/2020 23:02

Our local mosque was shut but they got permission from the council to to a call to prayer at about lunch time. It was amazing to hear. I dont think I've ever heard it before in the UK

alexdgr8 · 26/05/2020 23:05

i agree with MrSheen. it was quite clear to me OP what you meant, and why. some people have not read carefully enough.
of course you are going to be annoyed at muslims as they are the ones coming to your mother's house, and because of Eid, she asks them in, all this endangering her health.
if they were really religious in their living, they would consider perhaps they ought not to call on elderly people, who are likely to be vulnerable and need to be shielding.
i was shopping in an inner city area on sunday, i was concerned to see young men kissing each other 3 times, face to face and grasping each others' faces. then i saw small boys with mosque goody bags, so i presume there was some kind of gathering at the mosque.
the hospital that had to close, weston general, said it was as a result of a spike following VE day. these behaviours have consequences.
suggest your mother does a lot of gargling with salt water and or mouthwash OP, might help. at least it's something to do ! good luck.

frazzledasarock · 26/05/2020 23:06

What’s a mosque goody bag?