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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it i just me, or would you be annoyed.

86 replies

Radley · 20/09/2007 18:04

DH went out at 4pm saying that he was going to do a bit of shopping.

I have just phoned him as the kids were wanting him, they've hardly seen him this week due to him working.

He has done NO shopping yet and got the taxi straight to the pub. IMO he had no intention going shopping.

AIBU to be royally pissed off, when I can't leave the kids for 10 mins without getting a text asking me how long i'll be etc.

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 20/09/2007 19:21

I'd be out the door. That's unbelieveably out of order.

lou33 · 20/09/2007 19:53

why thank you

Original poster
Radley · 20/09/2007 21:07

i've thought of leaving him, but, tbh cannot afford it, i am workin pt and it isn't the best wages,

He was home just after 7 after sending a text in reply to mine to 'Kiss is arse' which i replied 'grow up arsehole'

I feel like i am stuck with no way out and feel so sad.

OP posts:
PSCMUM · 20/09/2007 21:15

o go dradley, the worst worst worst reason to stay with anyone is money.

you can leave, of course you can, it'll be hard at first, but if you don't have money, you can be rehsoued by the council if you leave the family home, or you can stay in the family home and claim housing beneift if it is rented, if ylou have a mortgage on it you can sell it if you can't afford it, or you can get a full time job , or or or.//./look, the most important thing ius your and your kids happiness. i don't know if you ahve boys or girls. but either way it is so important:

for girls - important to see they do not have to grow up and put ip with being treatyed like shit,

for boys - important to see they do not need to grow up and treat someone like shit

i'd leave. seriously, if the only thing keeping you there is money then what are you teaching your kids??

lou33 · 20/09/2007 21:18

i cant afford it, i have 4 kids, not ablke to work, no money from exh

but im telling you i am a lot bloody happier, and so are my kids

PSCMUM · 20/09/2007 21:19

i wqas a student when i chucked mine, and had not a penny to my name. some days no money to get to college, but was still better.

Original poster
Radley · 20/09/2007 21:22

i've a house, p/t job I love etc, but with loans would it be feasable.

I've finally realised over the last few weeks. dd1 and dd2 have started taking after their dad. Even one of my closest friends has noticed how much i'm taken from granted

OP posts:
lou33 · 20/09/2007 21:22

then thats reason enough right there

Original poster
Radley · 20/09/2007 21:24

I know deep down myself it is reason enough, but, we have a joint loan and joint mortgage, if we left he would be left living like a king, and, would probably use my depression against me.

OP posts:
lou33 · 20/09/2007 21:26

make him go

when i say i left mine, i meant i got him to go

tell him you need to lose 160lbs, when he asks how, say by dumping his arse

PSCMUM · 20/09/2007 21:33

i agree, he has to go, are you married?
if yes, then get divorced and you'll get a reasonable settlement if the children stay with you.
if not, he sounds like the kind of wanker that needs the CSA on his back ,and they are useles.

Original poster
Radley · 20/09/2007 21:36

we have been married for nearly 10 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Radley · 20/09/2007 21:38

we nearly split 2 years and i have a mahoosive rock on my finger to prove how sorry he was.

I think age gap is coming into it (he is 12 years older than me and had his mother doing everything until he left (35)

OP posts:
lololola · 20/09/2007 21:40

bloody hell hang on a minute, the mans just gone to the pub! radley your right to be annoyed, but its not like you've come home and found him in bed with the milkman!

PSCMUM · 20/09/2007 21:44

no, it is worse, it is a worse betrayal, and it is not unusual, anyway, radley, i think you know in your heart that its time to get rid of him.

if you've been married 10 years ,then, thats quite a good divorec settlement, for you and the kids.

do it.

hanaflower · 20/09/2007 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lololola · 20/09/2007 21:51

crikey pscmum, do you really think its worse for a man to go the pub than to be having a homo affair!

lou33 · 20/09/2007 22:16

the point is he does it all the time

PSCMUM · 21/09/2007 21:13

well actually, yes, i do think i would rathr find my husband having a one off experimental moment, shall we say!, than be betryaing me every single night, and my kids, showing us all he doens't give two hoots about us, and would rather be in the pub than caring for his family and showing warmth and love and tenderness to me when i am ill. YEs, give me the homo shag any day!..might consider joining in

Lorayn · 21/09/2007 21:17

I have only read OP, but yes, I would be fuming, my ex used to do this all the time, but to the point where he would say he was off to get a takeaway for the kids dinner and then disappear all night, once he went to get the morning paper and didnt come home for two days, calling me drunk after about 12 hours telling me he had gone to doncaster to watch the racing with his mates!!Worst thing was if he'd entioned it before I'd have been fine with him going.
Like I said, he is now my ex!!

lololola · 21/09/2007 21:22

pscmum; well, i guess you could look at it that way.

walbert · 21/09/2007 21:22

Well my dh went to a welcome shool governors mass at 7.00pm straight after work (past few weeks he has gone out on a fri, rolled in at some ungodly hour pissed then not been able to get out of bed most of the saturday ) which is supposed to be about half an hour long... no sign of him yet, and tbh, i the sad thing is i expected this, so tomorrow he'll beno use, but spend rest of weekend saying how sorry he is and how he won't be doing this again... i'm bored of it all.

Lorayn · 21/09/2007 21:24

Just read some more, I have to add my ex was violent and I later caught him cheating and using drugs, so not quite the same story, but if you feel this is it, then go ahead and leave him.
I was a single mother of an 8mnth old and a 5yo, I had to go on benefits, live in a small council flat and finally find a job/childcare etc.
I loved being the boss again and realised just how much of a fool he had taken me for.
I am now with the most wonderful man, who is an amazing father to my children and wouldn't go to the pub after work for a swift one without checking I was fine with it first, (not cos I'm a battleaxe, but because he loves me)
You deserve to be treated like a goddess, if he doesn't then kick him into touch or to the curb.

PSCMUM · 21/09/2007 21:27

ditto lorany;s last post, well not her life story bit, but the bit about how fabularous it is when youar e in charge again,. its just brilliant.

ChantillyLace · 21/09/2007 21:33

I agree you should be pissed off with him for lying to you, but why does he feel he can't say 'I'm going to the pub for an hour or two' instead of having to lie about going to the shop?

If my OH wanted to go for a few beers after working all week I'd say 'go, enjoy' there's always the weekend for him to see the kids and you to have time off. I like mine to be here for the bedtime routine for DDs sake but other than that he isn't tied to me!

I know if I wanted to go to the pub with friends on a Friday he'd say, 'good, I'll sort tea and put DD to bed'. Works both ways - or leastways it should!

Think long and hard about the whole separation thing though, been there and got the tshirt (and had so many regrets) but it's easy to get swept up in the moment and with the comments on here telling you to go for it.