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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH giving away our savings...

308 replies

brontechick · 26/05/2020 09:45

SIL is going through a divorce. Her house is up for sale with offers over £600,000. She's started looking at properties around the £150k mark. The house being sold is virtually mortgage free. In the area where she lives £600k is a lot of money for a house, with the average house selling for around the £200k mark.

SIL replies accidentally on our family whatsapp thanking DH for loaning her £15,000 for her deposit.

I am beyond angry. DH did not discuss this with me and has just ploughed ahead and thought that he didn't need to mention it before making this offer.

DH has just taken a 20% pay cut and has been moaning on that money will be a bit tight. Yes, now I know why!

SIL works 16 hours a week so I have no idea when she will pay us back. I appreciate she's going through a hard time, but I have worked bloody hard to put into that savings account and I feel like I don't have an equal say in what we do with our money.

DH thinks I am being unreasonable about the whole thing! Am I?!

OP posts:
Panicbuying · 26/05/2020 18:15

@Erictheavocado the op’s first post says that there’s lots of equity in the property. You can use equity as a deposit but in some scenarios your vendor might insist on cash - for example if a ftb at the bottom of the chain puts down 10% cash on their purchase this would usually be passed up the chain, however if 10% of the house you are buying is significantly more than the passed up amount your vendor might ask for additional cash to be put down.

Noconceptofnormal · 26/05/2020 19:10

The 1900's called... They're looking for your husband.

He obviously wants to live in a bygone era where men could make unilateral financial decisions and the wife has no say.

Honestly, this is socially embarrassing, and would make everyone think he was a twat if they found out. I would give a deadline to have the money back by or you'll tell everyone what he's done.

Feel slightly sorry for his sister though, she probably had no idea that he hasn't told you.

LolaSmiles · 26/05/2020 19:37

Qwerty543 true, and many of them seem to shine a light on some bizarre attitudes from posters.

Purpleartichoke · 26/05/2020 19:48

I would probably agree to a bridge loan for my IL, but it would be something my husband and I discussed thoroughly, Including the consequences for us if we never get the money back. We would ask for something signed, even if that would be hard to enforce legally, and we would need to be very firm about pay back conditions and dates.

Truthpact · 26/05/2020 19:58

Start changing passwords on bank accounts. That's what I'd be doing. Like fuck can he be trusted if he's happy with just sending 15k to someone without question.

And the demand it back from sil. She's selling a 600k house and can't find money for a 150k? Bullshit.

Keitepeheakoe · 26/05/2020 20:02

Can you draw up a contract with payment terms for her? I’d be raging about the lack of discussion though

copycopypaste · 27/05/2020 07:46

At the very least I'd be making all joint savings accounts dual signature so he can never pull a stunt like this again

Flyinggeese · 27/05/2020 16:58

TH OP has stopped engaging. Why bother?

Retired65 · 27/05/2020 17:28

I would now stop putting money into a joint savings account and open one in your name only.

Supermum29 · 27/05/2020 17:31

I would be a absolutely fuming and insisting that the money be given back within a week considering it was done without discussion and agreement.

I’m not even sure there’d be any coming back from that for me either He had the ability to lie and hide it from me! Disgusting!!

onaroll · 27/05/2020 17:32

Not good at all, YANBU .
The only shining star is that you have in writing that she acknowledges it is a loan (to be paid back as her responsibility) and not a gift.
Screen grab that and keep it safe.
I am assuming that is the only place it’s written , rather than paperwork they both signed....
my question to dh would be , why wasn’t it a discussion and if it hadn’t been mentioned on WhatsApp by SIL - would he of told you at all ?
Now I knew I would want to know when I was getting my money back as any Prior ‘agreement ‘ I wasn’t part of.
Not nice.

WiryTail · 27/05/2020 17:34

Another one to drop half a story and not come back.

riceuten · 27/05/2020 17:41

Even if it's a bridging loan, he should have asked you, and it's extremely poor form that he has not only not told you, but sought to hide it

I'd be asking him why he did it, and considering my options. Imagine his face if you'd've done the same

csigeek · 27/05/2020 17:45

He should definitely have discussed this first, that’s unacceptable.
Will it be paid back as soon as the other house is sold?

CatAndHisKit · 27/05/2020 17:45

Why does she need a deposit after the sale of a 600K house that;s mostly mortgage free? she's getting a samall portion of that house so surely it's up to her ex to pay the rest of mortgage on his share!
Do we even know that she'll be spending it as such?

But yes, YANBU re dh not asking you - ridiculous.

QueSera · 27/05/2020 17:46

Why did she need the money from your DH if she will (presumably) received hundreds of thousands of pounds from her house sale?

I'd be livid OP, to the point where I would be seriously questioning the relationship/marriage.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/05/2020 17:49

Will she be paying back once she has the money from the house?
Start your own savings account from now on.
Don't be putting your savings somewhere that he can access without your approval.
I would be livid and I'd want HIM to have that back in the savings account by the end of June!

LovelyIssues · 27/05/2020 17:50

Wow I would be beyond fuming

AdobeWanKenobi · 27/05/2020 17:55

If you engage with him as well as you engage with us I'm not surprised he didn't discuss it...

75daisies · 27/05/2020 17:55

I. Would. Be. Incandescent.
Especially if it was a joint account savings. He has NO RIGHT.

I agree with 66Redballoons. Make sure that you get an agreement that it is paid immediately after the sale of the house. And once that’s done the whole joint account savings plan can get stuffed. He can save his money and you save yours. Like hell are you going to allow this to happen again. What is it with some people?! So rageful for you.
Hugs OP Flowers

MadMadaMim · 27/05/2020 17:59

He should have discussed.

Her house is mortgage free. £600k. You'll get your loan back no probs. Which is probably why DH didn't think to dicuss with you

RandomGirl · 27/05/2020 17:59

I would fuming. End of.

Cloglover · 27/05/2020 18:01

May be the OP means she doesn't know when it's going to be paid back as in, it won't be paid back through her income and she has no idea when the house will sell?

I would be absolutely livid If my partner lent something that was half mine to someone else without telling me. Be it my pasta machine or £15k.

Intelinside57 · 27/05/2020 18:04

What is the point of keeping posting when op is long gone?

Elsie1966 · 27/05/2020 18:06

There would be another divorce in the family if it were me op Angry