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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of my neighbours

176 replies

LauraPip · 25/05/2020 06:35

I’m sorry if this makes no sense I’ve been awake all night with anxiety.
I suffer from general anxiety disorder anyway so anything different and I can’t cope.
Basically my next door neighbours, who I have lived next to for a year with just polite head nods, had a huge garden party yesterday with people that don’t live there. They were extremely loud, music blasting, screaming shouting swearing etc. I was sat on my patio at around 8pm when one of the visitors told me to stop staring at her so I went inside.
An hour later the police attended, broke the party up and warned them all about how it’s breaking the law to have people over etc, guests left and police left.
Almost instantly the woman who lives next door starting screaming at the top of her lungs that whoever called the police Is a c... that she was fuming etc the screaming went on for a long time and she then started directing it towards us
She called us a pair of fat c... and that she knew it was me (it wasn’t) and that she’s going to call the nspcc and rspca to get my children and dogs taken away(??) and that she owns her house and we rent it so she can do what she wants. My husband leaned out to ask her to quiet we’ve got children sleeping but she just went completely off on one and her husband was now shaking and kicking the fence telling us to effing watch our backs etc
Screams back for a bit and then went to bed I assume
My husband couldn’t sleep for hours he was watching outside every 5 minutes and I was sick several times and haven’t had 5 minutes
I don’t know what to do? Should I call the police? And report last night?
It was super intimidating and out gardens are so close I’m too scared to let my children play outside and my dog outside now
Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Norabird · 25/05/2020 15:46

I would start planning to move when you can. Honestly, living next to them is going to be hell and as much as they are in the wrong not you, in reality there is very little that you can do about it other than get away from them. It's a pain, you shouldn't have to do it, but ultimately it's likely the only thing you can do.

Original poster
LauraPip · 25/05/2020 15:49

No I think you’re right after this mornings threat too we are going to start the process of moving :(

OP posts:
LouHotel · 25/05/2020 16:01

I would remember OP that if their home owners if they get into neighbour disputes they have to acknowledge this when they want to sell so it's in their interest more than yours that they get in line.

Do you know other neighbours, I would start getting friendly with them so they cant try to pull alienation on you.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 25/05/2020 16:10

Nooo Op,you soundlovely,don't let these bullies push you out of your home. Just try and ignore them they are vile

OldEvilOwl · 25/05/2020 16:16

It will blow over OP! Just avoid them, you have done nothing wrong

DollyDoneMore · 25/05/2020 16:20

It’s not a crime to be fat and have a thin dog.

VisionQuest · 25/05/2020 16:22

Try and look at the bright side OP. You are renting so you have no ties to this house, you can up and leave relatively quickly which is great.

I completely disagree that this will blow over. Scumbags like this get off on intimidation and they're so thick that they believe you've 'wronged them'. I don't think they will let it go and even if they did, you'll have plenty more loud parties and disruption in your future.

I definitely think you'll be better off moving.

Original poster
LauraPip · 25/05/2020 16:25

I was hoping in the light of day they would be sheepish or feel a bit embarrassed but they were just the same and threatening at 11am as 11pm so I guess this is who they are
The man in particular seemed to enjoy making me feel uncomfortable and seeing me intimidated :/

OP posts:
Mummyshark2019 · 25/05/2020 16:35

They are scumbag trash. I would personally move, I couldn't bear to live next to these people. You rent so easier to move than of you owned.

PunishmentSnart · 25/05/2020 17:44

They’re nasty bullies and will go on and on until they are pulled up / confronted.

Have a read of the threads by Rainypuddles on here - she’s got crazy neighbours and has been reporting and they seem to have finally calmed down slightly.

Don’t let them push you out of your home until you have explored other avenues of sorting it Flowers

NativeAustralian · 25/05/2020 17:48

I think this will have shattered your safe space now. I'd be intimidated by this and the stress of watching,waiting and fearing a confrontation would be too much. For now keep a log of any incidents with 101 but life is too short to have to deal with people like this. I would be moving. They've shown who they are both drunk and sober and you and your kids need to be away from it.

LaughingDonkey · 25/05/2020 18:13

@LauraPip

Do not give up! This house is your home now! Stand up to them!

From what I have read, it has escalated beyond adult conversation and reasoning. However, it is still manageable - no need for drastic decisions like moving (this is the last resort). Remember - this is your home!

  • Inform police of continuous verbal harassment and intimidation (let them know you are taking the following steps); *Log in journal everything that comes from you neighbor - spit in your direction, swear word, known rude gestures, etc. Time, person, action, detailed description and your reaction (scared, upset, etc); *Install CCTV in back garden (slightly overlooking your boundaries/fence) and front yard (overlooking your yard and part of communal areas); look for cameras that have SD cards and are motion activated; *Carry your phone with you at all times and when they start talking, raise your hand, hit record button and loudly tell them - ''I'm sorry but at this point I would need to record our interaction/conversation''; *Talk to your other neighbors and find out if they had any issues with those people and if they willing to do something about it (when more people are involved it is more effective); *Let your landlord know that you are being harassed and intimidated; *Above all - keep using YOUR garden and YOUR home as normal - I understand it is difficult at the moment, but do try.

If this is truly too much for you and your family and you do need this fight, then maybe the best thing is to move.

I truly hope I didn't give a bad advice to you. Please do consult police and/or citizens advice before you proceed. I do feel upset reading your posts, no one has to go through this!

Original poster
LauraPip · 25/05/2020 18:20

Everyone’s advice is really good and I have read and appreciated every post
But as I am sitting here not wanting to get my washing in I ask myself is it worth it?
I won’t be able to move yet because it takes ages to beg for a house that allow pets but I’m going to look :(
I guess I’ll have to wait every day to see what punishments are coming our way 😕

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 25/05/2020 18:25

Fuck her stand tall go get your washing.
If she puts a hand on you have her done for assault.
She is a bully.

Foodie28 · 25/05/2020 18:36

I had something similar to this a week or so ago, we live in flats and the young girl who lives above us decided to have a party, at around 2am a couple who attended started arguing, they were literally screaming the block of flats down , woke me my partner and 4 year son up, so I shouted at the window to keep the noise down as they're are people trying to sleep along with small children and the lad just shouted at me saying 'what you gonna do about it' I said Id call the police and he goes 'yeah alright id like to see you try' and I could hear him shouting that I was a 'pussyhole' and he would shout as loud as he'd want . In the end I didn't even have too call the police , three of the other neighbours did. The next few days I'd heard that he'd been moaning about me saying that I'd called the police etc...

I haven't seen him since but I have seen the young girl who hosted the party and she did apologise and Said it wouldn't happen again. Some people literally just don't have any respect for anyone else !

Ursula2001 · 25/05/2020 18:42

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Topsy44 · 25/05/2020 19:12

I really feel for you. You sound like such a lovely person and don't deserve to live next to these awful people.

I think all you can do is keep calling 101 every time something happens. I know you really don't want to move and shouldn't have to but with young children, I really would start thinking about putting that plan in motion.

ArchieStar · 25/05/2020 19:25

Thinking of you OP!! Go get your washing in!! I have anxiety and I’m backing you!!

EinsteinaGogo · 25/05/2020 19:38

OP. I really feel for you.

However - don't think you are special. Scumbags like this will have behaved this way to numerous people in the past, and will in the future.

You will soon be cast aside for the next poor person who creates an imaginary slight toward them.

They are bullies. Be cautious and take precautions with your dogs etc (and get a CCTV camera back & front Perhaps?) but don't tiptoe around. Be firm in your responses to them and let them know you're not intimidated (even though you are and who could blame you).

None of this is your fault. What do other neighbours think? Are you friendly with them, could they give you support?

Ernieshere · 25/05/2020 20:27

@LauraPip

It would be worth you looking on the NHS Intranet, we used to have an online staff notice board, for private rentals, things for sale etc.

Failing that ask to put a 'wanted' notice in the online weekly NHS magazine.

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 25/05/2020 21:40

@LauraPip Moving house at any point in time will not touch your credit rating. Even if you had rent arrears it wouldn't affect your credit rating if private renting??
Not sure where you've got that from Daffodil

Mumkins42 · 25/05/2020 21:54

You poor thing. Absolutely call the Police so you have a record of this. I don't believe she'd call nspcc for one minute. If she did, she would have no case at all anyway.
Disgusting drunken pigs is all they are. I hope you get some respite from them soon

Ulver · 25/05/2020 22:00

Report it to the police.
That is threats and it won’t de escalate without intervention imo.
Disgusting Behaviour on their part.

Ulver · 25/05/2020 22:04

I would call 999. No question.

maddening · 25/05/2020 22:08

Get cctv.

And get a few lines and practice them so if they do start some row you have a few lines you can use with some confidence to let them know that you will not take any shit.