To be scared of my neighbours

[LauraPip]

I’m sorry if this makes no sense I’ve been awake all night with anxiety.
I suffer from general anxiety disorder anyway so anything different and I can’t cope.
Basically my next door neighbours, who I have lived next to for a year with just polite head nods, had a huge garden party yesterday with people that don’t live there. They were extremely loud, music blasting, screaming shouting swearing etc. I was sat on my patio at around 8pm when one of the visitors told me to stop staring at her so I went inside.
An hour later the police attended, broke the party up and warned them all about how it’s breaking the law to have people over etc, guests left and police left.
Almost instantly the woman who lives next door starting screaming at the top of her lungs that whoever called the police Is a c... that she was fuming etc the screaming went on for a long time and she then started directing it towards us
She called us a pair of fat c... and that she knew it was me (it wasn’t) and that she’s going to call the nspcc and rspca to get my children and dogs taken away(??) and that she owns her house and we rent it so she can do what she wants. My husband leaned out to ask her to quiet we’ve got children sleeping but she just went completely off on one and her husband was now shaking and kicking the fence telling us to effing watch our backs etc
Screams back for a bit and then went to bed I assume
My husband couldn’t sleep for hours he was watching outside every 5 minutes and I was sick several times and haven’t had 5 minutes
I don’t know what to do? Should I call the police? And report last night?
It was super intimidating and out gardens are so close I’m too scared to let my children play outside and my dog outside now
Thanks for reading

But the house is fine it’s in a nice area near the school and parks and is good value for money for the area and I like my house and I don’t want to mess my credit rating up by moving after a year.. I don’t want to even consider moving I just want my smily to be anonymous and safe in my home and garden

Don't go anywhere near them. If they're out for revenge they could report you to the police and lie about what was said.

But do report THEM to the police and say that they threatened you.

I think @ChipsyChopsy gives great advice above. You want to de-escalate for the sake of neighbourliness and your anxiety.
Maybe write down some calming, polite sentences similar to above and practice them so that if anything does happen today you have them to mind, ready to go.
For the sake of your kids and your own self esteem you need to stand up to bullies tho, don't let them scare you out of the garden.
I don't think you need to run round to them to say it wasn't you who called the police, but tell them firmly if they ask that they're barking up the wrong tree assuming it to be you and you don't appreciate being spoken to in that way.
If you do call 101 you could ask if it's possible for the police to make a follow-up visit during which they mention that the call didn't come from you.
And finally, I guess it doesn't sit within the realms of de-escalation so maybe not one to say out loud, but think to yourself, I might be fat, but you're a psycho bitch and I know which one I'd rather be, plus I can change, shame for your husband that you can't!
Good luck OP.

they will probably feel ridiculous now that they have sobered up

Unfortunately they won't. They are rough as fucks chavs, people like that have no shame, remorse or integrity whatsoever. Scumbags.

You have my sympathy OP. I used to be quite anxious and something like that would have really increased my anxiety and sent me into hiding. I used to be intimidated by people like that and would probably try to smooth things over in a situation like that.

I had CBT for my anxiety several years ago which helped a lot. I don't know if that, combined with being older older has made the difference, but I have a lot more confidence now and absolutely would not take shit like that. If someone gives me shit, I give it back now and will not be intimidated. I have found when I stick up for myself, people back off. It's important to let your neighbours know you are not going to be intimidated by them. Their behaviour is disgusting but try not to let them scare you. Be confident if you speak to them. It will be hard for you, but fake it if you have to. You cannot stay indoors, or keep your children indoors. You have every right to sit in your garden.

Your neighbours are vile.

Please do log the specific threats with the police to protect yourselves.

I would put a letter through their door rather than confront in person. It's worth a try before moving, anyway! Some of the nicest people turn into complete assholes when they're drunk.

OP I think this feels worse for you than it would for most people because of your anxiety, but you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable! Please do call the police - she already thinks you're a grass so you might as well get some benefit out of it .

You don't need to go round there, people like this love drama and confrontation so it's best not to engage. Try not to worry about the threats to report you re children and dogs - it's unlikely she'll actually do this now that she's sober but if she does try to they will soon see her for who she is.

In all seriousness though @FlamingoQueen has it - get the kids out in the garden sharpish

Kids in the garden yes, but encouraging them to do so loudly and deliberately antagonising neighbours who have threatened you is foolish.

You've had some good advice about the neighbours. I would say that you need to get some help with your anxiety (and your husband too) as you will start to affect your children and this is not healthy for anyone. Please call the doctors to get things rolling sooner rather than later.

report it to the police
you've already made a note of what happened in creating this post.
Use your garden to demonstrate that you're not intimidated.

Personally, I wouldn't go round or approach them to say that you didn't call the police yesterday (although you had every right to do that); fine for other people to say, but if you're not super confident, and they are still as gobby, it may just increase your anxiety levels.

So if anyone wants an update I was in the front garden putting my bins out and the woman said
Don’t want to say anything to me this morning? So I said I don’t know what you think happened but we didn’t call the police on you
Her husband/ boyfriend (I’m not sure) is stood at the front door and said say no more of it and we will deal with it in our own way
So I said what does that mean
And he just said
Fuck off
So I walked off
Now what do I do?

Tell the police.

You need to actually report them to the police now! And see if you can set up some form of CCTV just in case. Are you friendly with any other neighbours? Ask them to keep an eye out. Must be so stressful

Start writing every anti social thing down. CCTV

Tell the police exactly what happened so it leaves a note on your file incase these disgusting people do anything. I would Just live your life as normal I.e let kids play etc and write everything down. Once lockdown is over maybe look at moving it’s absolutely horrible you deserve better. Keep your chin up xx

Yes, report to the police now, and get cctv. Scumbags.

Seriously you need to report this. It’s absolutely not acceptable. I really feel for you... I don’t suffer with anxiety but I would find this situation intolerable, I think anyone would.

Long term the best thing may be to move. I know you shouldn’t have to. I know it’s grossly unfair. I know if you like the location it may mean compromising. But the place you live in should be your sanctuary. If you don’t feel safe there it impacts on every single part of your life.

Obviously that can’t happen overnight so for now take steps to feel a little bit more in control and for your self esteem.

I lived next door to inconsiderate neighbours once. They weren’t awful or threatening like yours... they were actually nice people but they lived a very different lifestyle- they were incapable of sitting out in their garden without music blaring, they tended to stay up really late being noisy etc In the end I moved and even though I felt it was unjust that I felt I had to, I can’t tell you the relief. I remember lying in bed the first night in my new rented home and feeling utter relief. The house was less convenient for work, it was a bit tatty but honestly, the relief of silence rather than hearing next doors tv blasting through the wall at midnight.

And that’s without any threats, any nastiness.. your NDN sounds a million times worse. Take steps now to get back control of your life

I would view that as a threat a d would call police.

YANBU. I'd be scared in your shoes.

Do you know any of the other neighbours in your road? A chat with some of them who will also feel the party was unacceptable will help you feel that you're in the right and not the NDN.
If you feel able to share that you got some aggro for it and that they think you called the police even when you didn't and that you're worried about how aggressive they're being towards you now, may help you feel like you're not alone. People will keep an eye out if they see them being unpleasant and you never know it might get back to the NDNs who actually did call the police.
But yes, keep a diary of threats like that.
Sorry, how miserable for you. :(

Although also, whilst it feels huge and awful now, there's a reasonable chance that as the days go by it won't feel so annoying for your neighbours and you can go back to politely ignoring each other.

I wouldn’t be scared. They want OP to be intimidated. Report them, set up CCTV in the front and back, including always on your vehicle. I doubt it will go further than property damage.

I definitely wouldn’t go round or try to speak to them, people like that can’t be reasoned with. However, please continue to use your garden and try not to be intimidated by them. If they shout anything out, you state calmly. No I didn’t call Police, but I will if you or anyone in your garden speaks to me like that again. Then walk away.

That's awful OP, hope you get some resolution. I'd feel frightened and intimidated as well because it's not normal behaviour.

I hope it gets sorted out. They're obviously taking their aggression on you. Don't let them stop you using your own garden.