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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of my neighbours

176 replies

LauraPip · 25/05/2020 06:35

I’m sorry if this makes no sense I’ve been awake all night with anxiety.
I suffer from general anxiety disorder anyway so anything different and I can’t cope.
Basically my next door neighbours, who I have lived next to for a year with just polite head nods, had a huge garden party yesterday with people that don’t live there. They were extremely loud, music blasting, screaming shouting swearing etc. I was sat on my patio at around 8pm when one of the visitors told me to stop staring at her so I went inside.
An hour later the police attended, broke the party up and warned them all about how it’s breaking the law to have people over etc, guests left and police left.
Almost instantly the woman who lives next door starting screaming at the top of her lungs that whoever called the police Is a c... that she was fuming etc the screaming went on for a long time and she then started directing it towards us
She called us a pair of fat c... and that she knew it was me (it wasn’t) and that she’s going to call the nspcc and rspca to get my children and dogs taken away(??) and that she owns her house and we rent it so she can do what she wants. My husband leaned out to ask her to quiet we’ve got children sleeping but she just went completely off on one and her husband was now shaking and kicking the fence telling us to effing watch our backs etc
Screams back for a bit and then went to bed I assume
My husband couldn’t sleep for hours he was watching outside every 5 minutes and I was sick several times and haven’t had 5 minutes
I don’t know what to do? Should I call the police? And report last night?
It was super intimidating and out gardens are so close I’m too scared to let my children play outside and my dog outside now
Thanks for reading

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 25/05/2020 08:33

She probably wont remember doing it if she was really pissed

Original poster
LauraPip · 25/05/2020 08:38

So I think I will call 101 and make a note of it but say please don’t go round as it made it 100000x worse and then carry on as normal and if I see them in the garden which I definitely will because ours is higher and we are quite visible to each other, I will just say ‘we didn’t call the police on you, I don’t know who did, but the way you treated us was disgusting and I wanted to call them then and I still didn’t’

OP posts:
Original poster
LauraPip · 25/05/2020 08:42

@PrincessHoneysuckle she will remember it though because he friends that got kicked out will be messaging her saying OMG I can’t believe the party got broke up

Me and my husband are both so sad this morning I can’t bring myself to eat or anything :(

OP posts:
NeutrinoWrangler · 25/05/2020 08:44

They sound like disgusting creatures. I don't think you have to be particularly anxious to be upset and worried over such outrageous behaviour, and I certainly wouldn't be eager to go knocking their door today.

You could communicate to them somehow that it actually wasn't you who reported their wild party, but honestly, I'm not sure they'll believe it, and furthermore, there was no excuse for their behaviour even if they had proof you had called the police.

I'd seriously consider reporting their threatening tirade, just to have it on record, in case they continue to act insane. Maybe if the police pay them another visit they'll even inform them that you didn't complain about the party, after all. (Or maybe not, but that would be nice...)

Ursula2001 · 25/05/2020 08:44

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Fcukthisshit · 25/05/2020 08:45

Could you and your husband go and speak to them together? Might be easier if there’s 2 of you?

DancyNancy · 25/05/2020 08:46

Hugs to you, you poor thing. What a stressful situation. I know your head is screaming for a solution now and to just make it all sorted.
Slow down, and breath.
Realise you don't need to justify yourself to her.

If you do engage I would keep it simple.

'For the record, I did not call the police last night. But if you EVER speak to me or my family like that again I will'.

dottiedodah · 25/05/2020 08:49

Well I dont think being fat makes you an unfit Mother or Dog Owner. The Police/NSPCC are hardly likely to take any notice (Or half the parents in Britain would be arrested! ) If you see them today they may apologise to you . Explain calmly that it wasnt you who called the Police out ,they may not believe you but you know what happened .If you have got on well up to now when they think calmly they would realise any one of the NDN could have called the cops!

Choice4567 · 25/05/2020 08:49
Flowers
CoraPirbright · 25/05/2020 08:49

I def think call the police and give them all the info on exactly what happened after they broke up the party, the intimidation, the foul language, everything. Ask them not to do anything for now as you dont want to inflame the situation but it will give them a fuller picture if this all continues. Don't worry about the reporting. I think it was all just drunken talk but even if they did report you, it would be another black mark against them as it would clearly be a malicious report.

Zhuleva · 25/05/2020 08:50

So sorry you've had to go through this, and for how you're both feeling now.

I suspect - even if she's a complete headcase - that she'll be feeling some semblance of shame now she's sober. She'll know you can get her done for threatening behaviour. Please try not to worry about it - and enjoy your garden. Just completely ignore her - I find that if you act as if the person isn't there they give up after a while

tenlittlecygnets · 25/05/2020 08:52

You should have recorded all the ranting and videoed them shaking the fence etc, then contacted the police again. They sound vile.

trellishead · 25/05/2020 08:54

Enjoy your garden - they are tossers. It's nothing personal. And believe me they will be feeling like complete idiots today. They may apologise. In any case I would report what happened last night to environmental health and remember to note down everything. YOU are the stronger one in this situation. Do not let them intimidate your family.

Winterlife · 25/05/2020 08:56

Perhaps OP didn't have her phone with her. But, OP, keep your cell with you so that you can record any future incidents. If the neighbours know you have recorded proof of their vile behaviour, it likely will cease.

Jazzmin · 25/05/2020 08:58

I’ve lived with an abusive neighbour for 2 years. After pages of written diaries she was interviewed under caution, but not enough evidence to charge. Take your phone in the garden every time you go in, in case you need to record anything. ( I wish I was told this initially, keeping a written record has been the advice for years, but doesn’t seem to count for much now.) I hope you can get in your garden and enjoy it today, or you’ll never be able to.

catfeets · 25/05/2020 09:00

You should report them due to the threats. I can understand if you don't want to though as I never report my equally vile neighbour. I just don't want the agro - but if I didn't own my property I'd be reporting her every single time.

I spend my whole life on edge as to what she will do next and it sounds like you may end up that way. I then have to build up the courage to go and speak to her about the issue and explain to her that again, it was not me who called the police about her.
I think the best thing to do is to wait until she's calmed down and try to speak with her. Explain that it wasn't you who called the police, but next time they behave in a threatening way towards you, you will not hesitate to call the police and report them.
I doubt whoever did call the police will own up to it as they won't want the agro directed at them.

jackdawdawn · 25/05/2020 09:00

They are breaking the law, both the emergency C19 restrictions and council by laws about noise and nuisance, and their behaviour towards you was abominable.

You have done nothing wrong. I had a neighbour like this once - a screaming verbal onslaught on me while she was drunk in the middle of the afternoon in front of my very young children. I got the police, they weren't interested, a month later she stabbed someone. She served time in some kind of hospital and has now lost her children. These nutjobs are everywhere OP - I am so sorry. I would approach the police myself because everything she said and did - attacking your property, threats, foul language - is completely wrong and illegal. Don't just take it, the police can warn them not to harass you again, and there are exclusion orders and things you can ask for. Shocking behaviour, don't take it!

Thinkingabout1t · 25/05/2020 09:01

Hugs and sympathy. Flowers

I wouldn’t try to speak to your neighbour about her disgusting behaviour, just behave normally. And remember the police know about her now.

I hope she has the hangover from hell today.

Ernieshere · 25/05/2020 09:02

Have a drink, have some breakfast, don't let her ruin your day.

I hope her head feels like a pig has shat in it.

woodhill · 25/05/2020 09:04

Plus she hasn't got a leg to stand on having a party in lockdown in the first place.

I wouldn't go anywhere near her and ring 101 as others have suggested

saraclara · 25/05/2020 09:04

If you do engage I would keep it simple.

'For the record, I did not call the police last night. But if you EVER speak to me or my family like that again I will'.

That. Don't get drawn into any conversation. Say that (or better still get your husband ) and then walk away

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 25/05/2020 09:11

I wouldn’t say a word to them unless they bring it up. Then I would definitely say “
'For the record, I did not call the police last night. But if you EVER speak to me or my family like that again I will” as recommended above.
But absolutely report it!

Original poster
LauraPip · 25/05/2020 09:11
  • If you do engage I would keep it simple.

'For the record, I did not call the police last night. But if you EVER speak to me or my family like that again I will'*

Is 100% what I’m going to say, but not going to go out of my way to say it I’ll see whether I see them or not
My poor dog just had to have the quickest wee of his life I was like quick get back in here :(

OP posts:
SayakaMurata · 25/05/2020 09:12

Report to the police.

Winterlife · 25/05/2020 09:15

@LauraPip, don't change the enjoyment of your garden because of your nutter neighbours.

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