To be scared of my neighbours

[LauraPip]

I’m sorry if this makes no sense I’ve been awake all night with anxiety.
I suffer from general anxiety disorder anyway so anything different and I can’t cope.
Basically my next door neighbours, who I have lived next to for a year with just polite head nods, had a huge garden party yesterday with people that don’t live there. They were extremely loud, music blasting, screaming shouting swearing etc. I was sat on my patio at around 8pm when one of the visitors told me to stop staring at her so I went inside.
An hour later the police attended, broke the party up and warned them all about how it’s breaking the law to have people over etc, guests left and police left.
Almost instantly the woman who lives next door starting screaming at the top of her lungs that whoever called the police Is a c... that she was fuming etc the screaming went on for a long time and she then started directing it towards us
She called us a pair of fat c... and that she knew it was me (it wasn’t) and that she’s going to call the nspcc and rspca to get my children and dogs taken away(??) and that she owns her house and we rent it so she can do what she wants. My husband leaned out to ask her to quiet we’ve got children sleeping but she just went completely off on one and her husband was now shaking and kicking the fence telling us to effing watch our backs etc
Screams back for a bit and then went to bed I assume
My husband couldn’t sleep for hours he was watching outside every 5 minutes and I was sick several times and haven’t had 5 minutes
I don’t know what to do? Should I call the police? And report last night?
It was super intimidating and out gardens are so close I’m too scared to let my children play outside and my dog outside now
Thanks for reading

Ps whilst I’m completely anti lockdown your neighbours also sound like absolute scummers and could have past form.

Does she have children, did they see & hear her behave so aggressively?

Don't worry a bit about your job.

Make a note of what happened with date & time, put it out of sight on top of a kitchen cupboard, then you have the details if you ever need to tell your landlord.

Hopefully she will be the anxious one today, she sounds vile.

I find its best to stand up to bullies. Do not allow them to intimidate you. Report every single incident to the police. As a single woman I've had numerous peoe in the past try to bully and intimidate me
I stand up to them and don't allow it and they will back off. One tip tough never confront them when they are drunk. Go inside.

Police. Or they will carry on.

She doesn’t have children no.
I think I want to call the 101 number now but I’m really scared they will just make life unbearable. We love our home it’s close to school and work and I don’t think moving is a reasonable idea? It costs thousands to move when renting and We simply don’t have that.
Half of me wants to confront today and say I didn’t call the police but even if I did it doesn’t give you the right to speak to me that way, the other half wants to burst into tears and call the police because I’m so scared I wouldn’t even let my eldest go downstairs alone today and I’ve been wide awake since 4am

I think disturb’s advice is excellent.

They will probably feel ridiculous today now they have sobered up.

Id be united with my husband and approach it as PP have mentioned.

Every single reply is helping my anxiety by the way so thank you and sorry if I don’t respond individually like I said I’m struggling today x

Yes, I totally agree with @dontdisturbmenow

What a horrible thing to happen.

If you can't do it your husband should tell them it weren't either of you. Although they are in the wrong, get him to go later today, or when you know they are up and about. Don't worry about their threats to social services etc unless anything actually happens, then explain and as pp say, they won't be taken seriously when you explain what happened. I would consider moving, but at the moment you have time to see how things pan out. If they continue intimidation, then yes I'd move because with your gad I think it will have a detrimental effect on you. That's if they do actually own the property, if so, they could potentially be there for years. However, as this is the first time there's been trouble in a year it might be a one off, so moving might not be worth it. I think maybe if you've got good reason your landlord would let you move mid contract if you stayed put for the time being.

Remember,

1. She's an arsehole because she is a foul mouthed drunk.

2. She thought a gathering in full sight of everyone in the middle of a Pandemic was acceptable.

Her friend sounds like a twat as well.

Hopefully they will be extremely embarrassed today. Try to use your garden as normal and when you see her say in a flat and calm voice - we didn't call the police so it means you caused a general disturbance in the cul de sac.

I think that you need to approach your neighbors after they sober up. The longer the initial conflict is not resolved, the more tension will build up, which might result in a very nasty emotional explosion or small annoying vengeance acts.

I would actually say to them that I am sorry that their party was disbanded in such a manner (police) and it wasn't you as you would have talked to them first if it bothered you (provided you didn't shout at them while they had party). Basically with this statement you avoid blaming them for noise/party and make clear points that you are not bothered by their party and you would seek appropriate resolution if it did (not calling police).

You need to stay positive, kind and insistent. If you do not feel safe talking with them, ask you husband to come with you.

I would wait until they are up and about (and probably feeling a bit hungover and stupid). Tell them you didnt call the police on the party but the later shouting and abuse had frightened your family.

Dont expect any sort of apology but if everything has been fine until last night it is likely that they will be keeping their heads down for a while and feeling very foolish. Especially when they realise that if you didnt call the police then someone else did which means they have offended more than one neighbour.

Today I would call the police and ask them to make a note of exactly what was said.

Then I would carry on as usual. They aren’t your friends anyway so there is no need to speak to them. Don’t hide in your house. Don’t be intimidated. If they start again with any aggression or threats then tell them to stop harassing you then speak to the police again and have it all noted. Don’t be bullied.

I would send my dc out to play in the garden right now, as loudly as they can! Could they practise their banging saucepans ready for Thursday night?
This situation would terrify me so I get where you’re coming from. I would perhaps wait and see if they apologise today. I know they probably won’t - and if they say that you called the Police, I would say that you peed off the whole street, it could have been anyone and they should feel extremely embarrassed every time they go out!

Terrible behaviour on their part. Remember, if you didn't call the police then it's very likely someone else on the street felt they were behaving terribly. I.e. You're not alone in feeling they're behaviour was terrible.

I'd be quick to point out to them that you didn't call the police as that should make them realise there were other people who weren't inpressed with their antics.

They sound like absolute maniacs. I'd hate to have neighbours like that. At one point, about 4 to 5 years ago, my neighbours a couple doors down would have garden parties in the summer. It was horrendous. The parties never seemed to last long however, because the police would always rock up. But the amount of noise and underage drinking was pretty terrible.. I'm even thinking at 12 and 13years old, these kids were allowed to drink. The mum wanted to be all hip and cool and impress the younger ones and all you could hear was 'your mums a g' *.... I dread to think what she did that made her a 'G'

The children were all girls and had mad parties where anything went down. They would pick up garden chairs and constantly slam them over and over and over again on the patio. Banging fences, screaming, blasting music and fights. Even one point I looked out my lounge windows and could see a young boy 12 or 13 years old max, staggering drunk across the carpark. It was disgusting. The next day I popped round on my way to the shop. And told her the noise is horrendous and I just had a newborn baby. I literally came out of hospital the previous day. She was quite sarcastic and then I told her about the kid I saw yesterday leaving her home absolutely legless. And she said don't worry we called his parents to make sure he got home safe.

I'm like what the hell. I would be so ashamed to have a party at my home and then call the parents in the wee hours to say, sorry your child has just left our home absolutely drunk as a skunk, did he get home OK....

Anyways they had so many reports from neighbours in not just our street, but other streets next to us, that the police banned them from having any parties ever again.

They have seemed to mature since then and they often talk to me, my dh and our dc all the time. Near enough everyday chatting about the children or weather or work etc. So I think it does help to call the police. What they were yelling was probably all talk. I wouldn't ever let anyone intimidate me. I am quite a nice, polite and friendly person. But I wouldn't stand for that.

Good luck op, I hope you can sort it out

I’d report it to the police and keep a copy of the crime reference number. In the event that the rspca or social care turn up you then have proof that you have had a dispute and threats made against you by your neighbour and it will help to show that the reports are malicious

Also, do you know for a fact that they own the house? If not, and they have no kids, there is hope they would move pretty soon if you report their disturbances and have a landlord to answer to.

i would send my dc out to play in the garden right now, as loudly as they can

In all seriousness though @FlamingoQueen has it - get the kids out in the garden sharpish to not allow your fear of doing this to take hold and quite frankly not to allow some arsehole to shrink your world further than it is in this mad world.

Don’t deny your children their freedoms because of some drunk arsehole with verbal diahorrea.

And stonewall the shit out of her if she kicks off again, chances are she’ll still be in her pit snoring away and (hopefully) full of remorse.

Btw they might still be pissed this morning with more 'bravado' maybe tell her tomorrow that you don't appreciate what happened.

I wouldn't move merely because some drunks were rude.

I would probably call police to report their threat, just so that it's on record. I truly doubt they will do anything to you, it's all drunken threats.

I would have your husband go round and tell them that you didn't call the police, that he didn't appreciate their threats toward him and his family, and any further threats will be taken seriously by your family. Then, just ignore them. They only have power over you if you allow it. Don't let them occupy space in your head.

What utter scum. How I hate this kind of disgusting selfishness (loud partying rather than lock down breaking per se) and appalling rudeness. What the hell has happened to us as individuals? Its the devil at work.

Sincerely hope that your conversation with her goes well and allows the situation to repair.

(It is pretty much impossible to report anything to the RSPCA right now, so I wouldn't worry about that one for a start).