To not want to have to see DH's family ever again

[ireallyshouldbeinbedbynow]

...and more specifically his parents..
Things have always been tense between his Dad and me- tbh from the moment we met it's felt like he's had it in for me- but I don't even know what I've done wrong...people have told me before it could be a racist thing?- DH and I are different nationalities.

Bit of background - w/o giving too much away- his DF worked in a fairly high powered job- good salary and with a good pension now-but he seems to be the sort of man who demands respect from people because he'd been used to it for all those years at work.

There have been several occasions over the years where DH and I have had proper rows - namely because of FIL saying something cruel and insensitive to me, me then reacting- or over reacting? and DH refusing to see my point of view- calling me over sensitive etc...

Example- we'd just got engaged and were discussing wedding plans etc- FIL asked me if I'd found any nice overalls to wear for the wedding...? i.e. implying I'm a man??? Because I'm tall- and he happens to be short. What the actual fuck???? DH said that's just his sense of humour...we very nearly didn't get married because of this massive argument...

This has been a running joke of his about me ever since. DH will never agree with me and will always, always defend his DF.
Doing a skype call with them today- DH insists I be polite and say hello- which I did-even though I loathe skype calls- his DP sit there listing who they can see on screen- I was just out of view and his DF kept on saying 'Where is he? Where is he? '... About me obviously....I mean come on! Seriously??? Why does he think that's still a valid joke?
Whenever there's a family get together I find myself getting really really anxious, I start comfort eating to try and calm myself down- if we're staying over at their place I try and keep out of the way as much as possible etc. I'm as polite to them as I can be but tbh this is really stressful for me.

He's done other really petty things to me over the years - I try to shrug it off but it does wear you down when you know that no-one is on your side and everybody else seems to adore him-
Just one other example that springs to mind- when visiting them when DD was a baby- they would come and take her out the car and into the house, I would be struggling with all the heavy bags up their drive way- he would see me coming and deliberately close the front door on me.

I don't have any of my family close by for support.
Sorry this is so long.
If you have any advice ? I don't want to be told I'm too sensitive- I'm a bit sick of hearing how it's my fault when I've done nothing wrong- apart from marrying into DH's family.

He can dish it out but can he take it back? Start calling him as 'she'. Everything he does that he considers funny, turn it back on him. He cant be pissed off with you, its 'friendly banter' right?
Might be enough to get him to stop.

He's being a prick. You don't have to put up with that!

Your fil is disgusting
But so is your husband
Tell your husband to stick up for your or you will go nc with his dad.

I bet you'll hear the following from DH...
"Its just how he is"

The apologists'/enablers' parrot cry. They all say that.

An apt response would be 'and this is just the way I am. And I'm not making myself the butt of someone's pathetic insults while I sit there meekly and take it'.

FiL is an unpleasant piece of work and your husband is an enabler. The next time they try to enforce your attendance at one of their predicable, tedious and unpleasant Skype calls, I'd be telling the pair of them to sling it.

I know I suffer from low self esteem. But how would being a divorced Mum make that any better?

My ex is an abusive prick. And when I left him, my self esteem rocketed.

You have an H problem. He treats you with a complete lack of respect. He should have your back and be picking his dad up on every shitty comment.

He's meant to be your partner and to support you. He sounds like a spineless prick and his dad sounds like a right arse. Bet he's the kind of man who loves banter so long as he's not the target. Can dish it out but he can't take it.

“Wow. How big of that person to take the moral high ground after what I did to him/her. He/she really showed me! I’ve learned a valuable lesson here.”

Said no bullying asshole who deserves retribution ever.

For years I used to believe the old adage about turning the other cheek / being the bigger person / taking the high ground, and it left me feeling trounced upon, empty, and upset that I didn’t stand up for myself.

No more. Now if it happens, I stand up for myself, turn it back on the bully, feel good about myself and have the added bonus of the bully backing off and leaving me alone. Because it’s a known fact that bullies can dish it out but they can’t take it.

OP, yours was a very difficult post to read. As others have said, you have both a FIL and a husband problem. They’re both pathetic, sad little men.

The next time your FIL insults you, turn it back on him. He likes height jokes? Go for it. The ones from MitziK and AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter are priceless. You have nothing to lose, really, at this point.

And then going forward, just try to avoid your husband’s family at all costs. Avoid the Skype calls. And if you do have to be thrown together with them in the future, you have a stack of height jokes at your disposal. But then again, you may not even have to use them.

The other looming problem, obviously, is your husband. I’m afraid that he will never have your back. The fact that you have children makes this all the more sad. What lessons is he teaching his kids here?

I agree with posters. Your husband is actually the worst. Not only is not he not sticking up for you but he’s expecting you to accept the disrespect. If you speak with your and tell him you will divorce him if things don’t change I’m sure he will listen promptly!