That it’s women who are still locked down?

[Sadie789]

My DH goes back to work next week and rightly so, long overdue in my opinion.

However, I can’t go back to work as with two young DC we have no childcare and it’s not possible to do my job from home.

Under normal circumstances without childcare it wouldn’t really be an issue as there would be classes and clubs and play parks and soft plays and friends to meet up with, so a full weekly schedule out and about with things to do.

I can’t take them to the supermarket or round the shops either, no grandparents allowed etc.

As it stands none of these things are available nor are likely to be for a while, so for me my situation has not changed from the initial lockdown - stay at home, go out for exercise (weather permitting).

Meanwhile my DH and the Hs of my friends are all back at work out of the house living normal days. At the weekends the golf is back on so that’s a leisure option.

Many of my friends are also trying to work from home while looking after children, some also homeschooling older ones.

Women who don’t have children are also on the back foot as many of the professions which are traditionally female - hair and beauty, retail, hospitality - remain closed and will be for some time.

Meanwhile men are back in the workplace. When furlough ends it will be those who are able to present for work and give all their attention to their job who are preferred by employers. Recruitment will be skewed by this too. It’s the traditionally male industries that are able to return earlier- outdoor and manual work.

When it does return childcare is likely to be limited in hours and more expensive- Scotland has quietly dropped the 30 free hours from
August that were going to make it financially viable for me to work. Now it’s going to be a matter of me earning a couple of hundred pounds extra per month instead of nearly £1000 that was previously the case.

I am far from a feminist, but it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal.

@NailsNeedDoing if you’re implying I have that “luxury” you couldn’t be more wrong.

I agree Op. I'm not working since I got made redundant while on maternity leave. My little one is in reception now so i was having a break for a year before retraining. So it's my choice, but....

Dh is back at work and he really cant get his head around how j cant cope with the kids 24 /7. I thi k it's just ingrained into society that women do it all and the kids.

I want him to help clean more than he normally would when I'm free all day when the kids are in school. However hes gone into 1940s mode and expects to come home and relax.

It made me realise he does very little without asking and the only way to get the status quo back is getting back into work place.

He also earns more than me dispite me having a stem degree and a corporate role in a Male dominated environment ( computer programming) and he has no GCSEs. It wasnt actually financially worth me getting another IT job while my dd needed full time childcare

My point is, which people are choosing deliberately to miss, is that for people who are getting to go back to work outside of the home, life is closer to normal. For the people who cannot return to work, they are still in lockdown conditions.

Fixed that for you OP. It's not a sex discrimination, it's individual family choices.

FWIW I've been woh through all of this and dh has been wfh with periods of furlough. We're all different, we're all living in different circumstances.

God. This is absolutely a feminist issue unless you’re taking an I’m Alright Jack approach. Regardless of your own personal circumstances, women still massively outnumber men in terms of earning less and assuming the bulk of childcare where necessary.

I agree with you completely OP. I earn a lot less than DH, partly because of the industries we’re in, partly because I’m 10 years younger. Which is why I went PT after having DS. I have been furloughed from a job I love and don’t know when I’ll get back.

Well I'm going back to work because I earn way more than my DH so it's not all the women who are forced to stay home.

@Brefugee I don’t understand your point.

When there are general trends that affect many people it stops being merely personal and becomes sociological. Just because it’s possible, doesn’t make it easy and it’s society’s job to support equality. For instance, there is inherent racism in our society. Are we saying that just because it’s possible to get highly paid jobs as a black person, that for everyone who can’t we just place the blame on them or that society should strive for equality?

You keep saying women are being shafted but you haven't actually provided anything to suggest that it's true.
Where is your evidence that more men are returning to work and more women are staying at home? Plenty of women on here have said the opposite in the case in their household (myself included). Plenty of jobs that are predominantly women are still working (nurses, carers, teachers, nursery workers etc).
There is absolutely no reason why childcare is a woman's responsibility rather than a man's responsibility. Plenty of men have taken on the role of working from home and doing childcare if their partner/the mother is doing a job that cannot be done from home.

because the activities and options for children have been removed by lockdown. Which is my point.

So what would make it better and more “fair”? You mentioned children’s groups, classes and soft play. Should they be open? Everyone back to school as normal? I am more than willing to call out the patriarchy, but I genuinely don’t see this as a feminist issue, it’s a “navigating through a global pandemic as best we can” issue.

You can take children to the shop/supermarket if you have no other option. In your position I'd phone the supermarket in advance and find out if they have any particular policy but I just googled and it seems most do allow children to accompany parents shopping. They can hardly do otherwise, young children can't be left at home on their own or in a car outside.

I daresay it's easier if you have one in a pushchair or sitting in the shopping trolley.

In the op's position I'd had my groceries delivered rather than go out shopping (but then I hate shopping at the best of times).

(I do realise, btw, your opening post was not just about shopping.)

Sadie: My point is, which people are choosing deliberately to miss, is that for men who are getting to go back to work outside of the home, life is closer to normal. For the women who cannot return to work, they are still in lockdown conditions.
.....
That is very true though you can go out for exercise with your children and at the moment, the weather is quite decent. I have to say I would find it very difficult in your position though. It's easier being quite on your own than with young children all the time, not easy for the kids either.

Perhaps your husband will take over the children for a large chunk of the weekend, giving you freedom to do your own thing.

And, ironically, I’ll have to leave this thread for now as I have two small children requiring attention, but I’ll be back later.

The free childcare isn't cancelled in Scotland. Just that Scottish Gov have said they can't guarantee it will be available for all in August, given the current circumstances. We don't even know that nurseries will be open again then.

@dreamingofsun I earn more than my partner in normal circumstances. Even more so atm. So I don't have a personal axe to grind. But surely you can see that women are socially and institutionally disadvantaged when it comes to work/earning. Even your expectation that the OP should get a wee weekend job while her husband works full time betrays that.

There are plenty people who would say that you cannot be a feminist if you are trans inclusive,

And a flip side of making those sorts of claims is that you cannot tell someone that they are a feminist when some of their views coincide with some parts of feminism

Should be 'have my groceries delivered', not 'had'.

OP you are quite right women are losing out the most from lockdown

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/women-are-the-losers-when-lifes-in-lockdown-9grrkv7wd

Women are the losers when life’s in lockdown
Men regain jobs and status quickest after wars and epidemics while their partners are often nudged out of the workplace

"Clearly women are working highly effectively at the top of their game but when couples divide the chores in lockdown with no access to nurseries or extended family childcare, mothers often lose out. They tend to work part-time, in lower paid jobs, often in retail, hospitality, charities or teaching, or are self-employed, so their financial contributions appear to be less significant and they may be likely to be made redundant or furloughed."

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/03/i-feel-like-a-1950s-housewife-how-lockdown-has-exposed-the-gender-divide

I would say he earns more because he has a penis!

It's the other way round in our house. I am still working. DH is furloughed, so stays at home and does the childcare/home schooling. So I don't think it's about what sex you are, just your work circumstances.

I don’t care about white male privilege

Have you tried to unpack the link between why your partner earns more and male privilege?

Why, for interest’s sake, would you say you are not a feminist?

I’ve been told I’m not a feminist on mumsnet for arguing that male on male violence needs to be considered alongside male on female. I was baffled, but generally I am definitely feminist.

I think yanbu op. I think though that the bigger issue is society’s perception of male work being more important than female leads to this issue.

@Legoandloldolls He also earns more than me dispite me having a stem degree and a corporate role in a Male dominated environment ( computer programming) and he has no GCSEs. It wasnt actually financially worth me getting another IT job while my dd needed full time childcare

This makes almost no sense. If you are better qualified and able to get a higher paying job, he could have looked after your dad while you pursued your career, surely?

I would say he earns more because he has a penis!
Why? Is he a male escort?

It’s complete bullshit to deny that in the society we live in, mothers are more likely to be penalised by the lack of school provision. Women are more likely to be: single parents, lower earners, part time workers. I can’t believe the hysteria around schools has led to a quiet acceptance that mothers have to jeopardise their jobs. We need to tell them all to fuck off.

Why can't your dh shop at the weekend or in the evenings? You absolutely don't need to take children to shops if there are two parents available.

it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal

Totally agree OP - and it is shown in this thread!