That it’s women who are still locked down?

[Sadie789]

My DH goes back to work next week and rightly so, long overdue in my opinion.

However, I can’t go back to work as with two young DC we have no childcare and it’s not possible to do my job from home.

Under normal circumstances without childcare it wouldn’t really be an issue as there would be classes and clubs and play parks and soft plays and friends to meet up with, so a full weekly schedule out and about with things to do.

I can’t take them to the supermarket or round the shops either, no grandparents allowed etc.

As it stands none of these things are available nor are likely to be for a while, so for me my situation has not changed from the initial lockdown - stay at home, go out for exercise (weather permitting).

Meanwhile my DH and the Hs of my friends are all back at work out of the house living normal days. At the weekends the golf is back on so that’s a leisure option.

Many of my friends are also trying to work from home while looking after children, some also homeschooling older ones.

Women who don’t have children are also on the back foot as many of the professions which are traditionally female - hair and beauty, retail, hospitality - remain closed and will be for some time.

Meanwhile men are back in the workplace. When furlough ends it will be those who are able to present for work and give all their attention to their job who are preferred by employers. Recruitment will be skewed by this too. It’s the traditionally male industries that are able to return earlier- outdoor and manual work.

When it does return childcare is likely to be limited in hours and more expensive- Scotland has quietly dropped the 30 free hours from
August that were going to make it financially viable for me to work. Now it’s going to be a matter of me earning a couple of hundred pounds extra per month instead of nearly £1000 that was previously the case.

I am far from a feminist, but it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal.

So you object to a patriarchal society? Almost like you’re...a feminist?

Yes! I feel incredibly fortunate that I can (and am expected to) wfh for the foreseeable future which has allowed OH to continue working. We had the discussion previously that should childcare become an issue my job would be the one sacrificed due to salary difference. However it’s like we’ve gone backwards and I’m doing the brunt of everything whilst trying to work full time. Yet life hasn’t changed for him, he also genuinely can’t understand why I’m struggling. I do get where you are coming from.

I'm a nurse so have been working the whole time while my husband has been off looking after the kids and doing domestic duties

Women make up 60% of total keyworkers, who have continued to work.

Golf is open. Women play golf. Husbands don't actually have to go play golf, it is not a requirement.

I have gone back to work first as I earn more and my husband is at home as this makes the most financial sense for our family.
This constant male bashing really drives me insane.

This is not a feminist issue at all. As PP said this is about your personal circumstance of it being wiser to send back the higher earner to work. In my family and that of others, the woman had worked as normal the entire lockdown.

As for this argument
“Women also bear more caring responsibilities for older people who will still be shielding and need help. Just examples of how, broadly, men are able to go back to normal life quicker and more easily than women.”
Not true. Again, all the women carers in care homes never stopped working. Nor did the predominately female NHS. Never stopped working. Nor did many of the predominately female teaching staff who kept the schools open for children of key workers.

@BumpBundle it’s super nice being told I’m 100% correct. Not something that happens often! But yeah, I’m used to seeing people refusing to take responsibility for their own choices.

This thread needs @Xenia... not that I agree with much she says, but she's constantly harping on about how women willfully buy into a social structure which means they are the lower earners and therefore get stuck like OP. Xenia is right that if women don't like the structural inequities then women need to make other choices. Take responsibility for the choices you had.

@Sadie - why is the someone else’s fault though - you stay home because it makes sense, not because you are a woman

Couldn't agree more @ShoppingBasket

I earn more than my husband so I'm working full time providing the only wage for our family whilst my husband is at home watching our little one and doing a fab job I might add!
The bashing of men is ridiculous

@ShoppingBasket aware of this, however you can’t deny the majority of golfers are men.

My point is, which people are choosing deliberately to miss, is that for men who are getting to go back to work outside of the home, life is closer to normal. For the women who cannot return to work, they are still in lockdown conditions.

Your initial post and subsequent posts are at odds with each other - it sounds like you have a very traditional marriage

Just because golf is back doesnt mean he should do it - it sounds like his life never changes but yours does

Turns out you are a feminist OP. You're noticing the many small yet significant ways that women are unequal to men. Feminism is about equality between the sexes, not armpit hair or boardrooms (unless they're things that particularly interest you).

as I’ve said he earns substantially more than I do so explain how that works?

Of course he does. This is because 'men's work' earns more than 'women's work'.

Even though my OH has the capacity to earn more than me I refused to compromise on my career and income.

I think it better long-term for him to work 4 days and stay home one and her to work 4 days and stay home one and use childcare for three days.

And if he even suggested skiving off to play gold leaving me with domestic labour I'd stab him.

Op, why do you consider being the parents that stays at home with the children as the ‘raw deal’? You know lots of women actively want to be the parents that does the most childcare? They like being the parent that gets to stop working or start working part time and they appreciate that they get to spend more time with their children than the parent that has to go out and earn most, if not all of the money.

I find it weird how conversations around equality never seem to involve women fighting to give up some of the luxuries they have like being able to SAH.

It was very silly of you to CHOOSE to be a woman when it is well known that women make less than men.

YANBU to say women bear the brunt of caring responsibilities in general.
YABU for expressing feminist concerns, then being a dick about feminism.

how you choose to have a better paid job than your spouse.

Don’t choose a low pay career field and be willing to date/marry a man who is of a lower social class or in a lower paid career field (I.e academics, civil service) and who is perfectly willing to take up childcare to support you if you happen to have the higher paid career. That’s what I did at any rate. Unfortunately, most women are socialised to only consider partners who make as much or more than them, never less.

Taking responsibility for your choices is a moot point. The choices can not be undone. Seemingly though the structure that made those choices reasonable ones can be undone, and without challenge.

Maybe the majority are male but as I said previously it is not law for them to actually use the golf course now it is open. He goes golfing... you get a few hours to yourself even if it is locking yourself in your bedroom. Yes because at the moment lockdown is required if you cannot go to work...so women who are either not working or financially better that the male goes to work are still locked down. I'm not deliberately missing any point.

@Sadie789 for men who are getting to go back to work life is closer to normal...and for women getting back to work presumably you feel the same?

Any opportunity to moan about men #346

@NailsNeedDoing because the activities and options for children have been removed by lockdown. Which is my point.

It's true the other way around, though, too. Amongst my family and friends it's primarily the women who have been working the whole way through, and yes in traditionally "female" roles such as nurse, Carer, teacher, nursery worker etc. Also doctors are neatly 50:50 Male to female ratio.

As a lone parent I feel like lockdown is effecting me more (can't go back to work from maternity leave, stuck at home with nobody but my kids to talk to, etc.) so for SOME women it's effecting them worse than it would men (like the ones who walk away from their kids, don't pay maintenance, etc.) but it's not all gendered. Some of it is just circumstantial.