That it’s women who are still locked down?

[Sadie789]

My DH goes back to work next week and rightly so, long overdue in my opinion.

However, I can’t go back to work as with two young DC we have no childcare and it’s not possible to do my job from home.

Under normal circumstances without childcare it wouldn’t really be an issue as there would be classes and clubs and play parks and soft plays and friends to meet up with, so a full weekly schedule out and about with things to do.

I can’t take them to the supermarket or round the shops either, no grandparents allowed etc.

As it stands none of these things are available nor are likely to be for a while, so for me my situation has not changed from the initial lockdown - stay at home, go out for exercise (weather permitting).

Meanwhile my DH and the Hs of my friends are all back at work out of the house living normal days. At the weekends the golf is back on so that’s a leisure option.

Many of my friends are also trying to work from home while looking after children, some also homeschooling older ones.

Women who don’t have children are also on the back foot as many of the professions which are traditionally female - hair and beauty, retail, hospitality - remain closed and will be for some time.

Meanwhile men are back in the workplace. When furlough ends it will be those who are able to present for work and give all their attention to their job who are preferred by employers. Recruitment will be skewed by this too. It’s the traditionally male industries that are able to return earlier- outdoor and manual work.

When it does return childcare is likely to be limited in hours and more expensive- Scotland has quietly dropped the 30 free hours from
August that were going to make it financially viable for me to work. Now it’s going to be a matter of me earning a couple of hundred pounds extra per month instead of nearly £1000 that was previously the case.

I am far from a feminist, but it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal.

@PlanDeRaccordement

Ok first we choose a career based on earning potential rather than our strengths and abilities, and then we choose a partner based not on attraction, compatibility and stability but on the fact that they will never earn more than us? What an unlikely scenario.

“for men who are getting to go back to work outside of the home, life is closer to normal. For the women who cannot return to work, they are still in lockdown conditions.”

Yes, but our response is so what because for at least as many women as men, they either never stopped working during lockdown or are going back to work while their men who cannot return yet are still in lockdown conditions. There is no sex based inequality or disportionate/indirect discrimination against women in this specific situation.

One of the things feminists do is analyse and understand how choices are constrained by society- the broader set of structures, social expectations and laws and customs that constrain women's choices compared to men's. So you are very much a feminist, OP, because those are the questions you are asking.

Lack of childcare provision, indefinite 'blended learning' etc etc all impact more on women than men. Why does the OP earn less than her husband? I don't know but maybe he was a little older and earned a little more (women tend to marry slightly older men). Maybe then the logical financial choice was for OP to row back a bit at work and then that choice was supported and validated by a society that absolutely does see caring as women's responsibility. And then that financial Inequality and ability to negotiate within the relationship reduces over time. This all benefits men, who are, I am sure you've noticed, largely in charge.

It's idiotic to not see choices as a product of the environment you're in. It's all very Sheryl Sandberg to say 'lean in' but that requires a level of initial privilege (he absolutely shouldn't be pissing off to play golf).

I earn less than DH and therefore he has gone back to work. However, this lockdown has highlighted that a lot of men earn more and in my case this is the result of a less than supportive DH when it comes to my career. He doesn't understand long term goals and working towards something, and we butt heads a lot about childcare etc. However, DD is getting older and soon it won't be as much of an issue. I think lockdown has highlighted existing inequalities

@maddiemookins16mum

Far from man bashing. Please tell me where I have man bashed? In fact I clearly said my DH has been and continues to be a brilliant and equal partner.

My gripe is about how the exit strategy is skewed towards men, and that there is no conversation about it.

Ive been working full time throughout and dealing with the children. 11 and 13 so not as difficult as young children and they have had to be on their own a lot which I feel awful about. I dont think its anything to so with being female just life choices.
If you and your friends had the higher paid jobs then it would be you going back to work. Also if the men are playing golf why cant the women meet for a distanced walk? Or take up golf.

I've been the one to be continuing working (for an engineering company), and DH has been mostly at home and the one caring for his frail elderly relative.

I do agree with the OP's point though. Huge numbers of women work in retail, the beauty industry & hospitality, and those businesses are all still firmly shut. There are loads in admin and finance too, and they are either furloughed or having to work from home.

This is always such a weird way to look at things. It's not women who are shafted, it's mothers.
People who have made a choice to create children with a man, resulting in a family unit. Women tend to choose men who earn more than them more often than the reverse, so you end up with a lot of families who, if it makes economic sense for one person to take care of the home, end up with the "traditional" family set-up.
If you don't want to be a woman in the position, work hard on your career, get knocked up by a man who agrees not to be in his kid's lives Nd hire a nanny or a man happy to be a stay at home dad (not a whole lot of those).
These conditions are the result of choices.

I'd say you're mostly correct however not in our house. DH is furloughed from hospitality and will be amongst the last to go back. I'm only off because I'm on mat leave so I'll be back to work in about 6 weeks. I'm also the only driver so I go and do all the shopping etc so it's DH who's more locked down.

I wish they’d open up eg gardens of NatTrust, castles etc. Somewhere to go with kids that is enclosed. Too many roads make it difficult to relax when out with toddler.

Oh and I'm a single mum so had no choice but to work full time, get promoted because someone needs to support the kids and it wont be their dad. He does not support me with childcare etc so everything is down to me.

YAB massively U

it's a personal choice, nothing to do with your sex or gender.

People who work in admin, finance or any office role are equally male and female and most are more than happy to keep WFH.

Generally speaking men do earn more than women, often for doing the same job so that does make it an issue of whether you have a penis or a vagina

@Breadandroses1 turns out I’m a feminist then. Who knew.

Should not have mentioned feminism in OP.

Ok first we choose a career based on earning potential rather than our strengths and abilities, and then we choose a partner based not on attraction, compatibility and stability but on the fact that they will never earn more than us? What an unlikely scenario.

If that’s what you got from me saying don’t pick a low paid career field and be willing to consider a partner who earns less than you, you are wilfully taking my comment to the illogical extreme. I could have decided to be a maths teacher based on my strengths and abilities, but I chose to be an aerospace engineer instead. For most people there is a not low paying career out there if they chose to truly follow their strengths and abilities.

i think this is more about your mindset than anything to do with lockdown. You dont have to earn less just because you are a woman - i earn more than my husband now, two of my sons earn more than their girlfriends. I know lots of women who play golf.

I'm sure its sad for you and all those affected in Scotland not to have 30 hours of free childcare. I'm sure we would all have loved that. Could you not get a job at the weekend when your husband can do it?

sorry girlfriends earn more than sons.....should have copy checked this first!

timewise.co.uk/article/article-real-reasons-behind-gender-pay-gap/

poster KnockDownNinjas

Your comment ignores the fact that it is only women who have to make that choice. Men can have children and continue as before - because of stay at home wives - but that choice isn’t really open to a women since as you yourself point out there are not many men who want to stay home. But women Who can’t find one of these mythical sahd types have to forgo the kids or pay a nanny. Hmm.

because the activities and options for children have been removed by lockdown. Which is my point.

Yes, but whichever parent is doing the childcare can’t access children’s activities at the moment, that’s nothing to do with feminism or lockdown exit being worse for women. Plenty of men’s leisure activities aren’t happening either. I realise there are many many female football fans, but that is something that I’d guess significantly more men than women are missing.

I don’t think you can try and make a point that complains that something is worse for women, when it only exists because more women than men have the luxury of looking after their children themselves instead of having to use childcare or leave them with the other parent.

Ok.

What I have learned today is that people do not read posts on MN before commenting.

I would consider myself a feminist but I think it largely depends on individual families/circumstances.
DH is wfh and I'm on mat leave and I often leave him with one child for up to 2h (breastfed baby so can't go for longer) while I take the other one for a pushchair walk or scooter ride.
In my parents house DM is the one doing the supermarket shop, and as the youngest of her friends she is doing a lot of shopping drop offs etc for older acquintances.

Of course things may change when its time for me to come off mat leave.

Well, I know plenty of highly paid female solicitors who have been unable to combine their career with kids and have had to give it up. HTH.

Surely it depends on your personal circumstances and has nothing to do with being a woman.
We don’t have kids yet but when we do DP will be the one working around them as I have a corporate 9-6 role which is very demanding whereas he is self employed. Although we’re both earning £60k+ he can be more flexible with his hours as long as it suits his clients so will do early mornings, evenings and weekends to fit around our childcare needs.

I was with you until this.

I am far from a feminist, but it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal.

Feminists fought for your right to work outside the home and not be tied to the kitchen sink, if that's what you want. My sympathy is limited.